Garbage Dump 2015
by I'm Not Wearing Any Pants
Summary: A steaming collection of your favorite, or not, Ben 10 parodies written by yours truly, featuring obscenely OOC old men hysterically weeping in their underwear over endlessly shrieking Black Hole Sue babies.
1. D'Void Won't Stop Dying

Ben 10 is the creative property of MoA, not I. Something wholly unexpected happened around early 2015, that being the source of 99% my parodies finally getting banned after around 5 years of tormenting this website and harassing innocent authors she was so violently jealous of. Somewhat of a shock. Here's a large chunk of unpublished work before I retired which I said I'd stick into a collection when and if I ever posted it. This amusingly terrible 34 year old woman who gets off to sexually humiliating and torturing fictional men, women, children, and animals disturbs me on a visceral level to this day. If I never have to read the words "baby" or "sobbing" or "kissed" and "underwear" and "chocolate cake" again, it'd be too soon. Let the repressing of infernal memories commence.

Nigh-Invulnerable D'Void Won't Stop Dying  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
He's just dying for the attention. Literally.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim.

D'Void pranced around alongside his Null Guardians as he wandered aimlessly in the Null Void, having no particular purpose other than to appear ultra kawaii with his beloved pet Nulls, who he is not controlling by force against their will as his definitive canon characterization cements to the people who actually watch Ben 10. No sirree Bob, hopefully we've established this within the 9,000 similar tales attempting to reinforce this illogical headcanon.

Fanon? No, canon, bitches. Jim Krieg told me so on Twitter.

Otherwise I as a pretend fan of the Ben 10 franchise would not claim to enjoy this character who I merely learned of 7 years after his established existence during a crossover with another show I used to pretend to like for a single presumably elder male character with long white hair, wouldn't you know, who I projected the same weepy-sobby kawaii uke tragedy death woobie stereotype underwear fetish upon and called it canon as I am doing right now with this similar elder male character with long white hair and I've been otherwise propping myself up as the Biggest Fan to Ever Exist in the same way as all those previous years as I was doing with the last fandom. GASP.

Hope you don't notice this suspicious correlation despite the subtlety being nonexistent.

D'Void cuddle-wuddled his precious Nullie-Wullies, giving them cute scratchies beneath their chins that they don't have. Shut up. It's cute. Cuteness defies all logic. This is all canon, by the way. In my head, cough. Krieg was trying to get rid of me from stalking him by telling me presumably what I wanted to hear, but damn if I can see anything outside my own insane delusions. I will assert it to the rest of the fandom anyway. Those dimwitted, talentless plebes. Everything I make up based on my outlandish self-insertion based anime masturbation fantasies is canon now. Because it fucking is!

When suddenly...gasp...the Helpers attacked!

Oh the repetitive convenience of it.

"Stupid recycled line of dialogue I always speak," Manny shouted. He raised three of his guns in preparation to do harm to the poor innocent tyrant and family. "Your laughable weeaboo delusion self-insertion happy family won't save you when they're filled with holes, D'Void!"

Pierce walked forward. He stumbled upon a rock, tripping and face-planting. It was more dignified than the lines of dialogue the original author forcefully crammed into his mouth.

"Pew pew pew pew!" Helen imitated weapons firing. "I shot you, D'Void. Now fall down." She lowered her hand guns. Which literally were her own hands that she was making pretend guns out of.

D'Void stared at her. "No," he said.

Helen looked scandalized. Her mouth dropped open. Her tiny female brain erupted into massive confusion. "D'Void, you're not playing by the rules."

"No duh." D'Void snapped his fingers. The Null Guardians went snarling after the Helpers while they screamed and scattered.

"FUCK YOU, D'VOID," Manny shouted as he and the others vanished conveniently off screen and out of the plot until their presence was required again.

"I love being an nigh-invulnerable tyrant," D'Void said. He smiled with all the malevolence he could muster. It was a lot. "And I love this sky. It's red, like blood. Also sometimes pink or purple and splotched with white. Like a background painting."

He sat down and waited for his cutie patootie pets to return home to him. He waited and waited. Then he waited some more. He fell asleep. He woke up and wiped drool from the corner of his mouth.

"Where are those fat lazy bitches?" he grunted. "They better not have deserted me."

He folded upon himself after being hit by a wave of intense fragile emotional vulnerability that testosterone poisoned males such as himself often experience. It hurt so good. It gave him a shamefully fearful boner.

"I'm so alone. I can't be alone," he whispered. "I have too many Cluster B personality disorders that require constant validation of my self-worth for me to function. Curse my crippling low self-esteem that I obviously have in canon and no adult woman of severely low creative skill but gigantic ego is projecting upon me. Along with my several dozen stereotypical female mannerisms that I somehow attained after this 30 something year old virgin hardcore Japan apologist weeaboo with a bunch of extremely narrow interest sexual fetishes started shipping my hair with her hands. Again, no correlation. Hope my obnoxious and disgusting inhuman Mary Sue baby who is in no way the original author's obvious and terrible self-insert shows up and makes out with me again before dying in a hilariously stupid way."

The Helpers were required once again by the plot and poofed into existence in front of D'Void. He yelped while clutching his chest.

"How do you assholes keep doing that?"

"We'll never tell you, D'Void. And we'll never tell you the location of The Wrench either," Manny said.

"I didn't ask that," said D'Void.

"Yeah, well, I don't care," Manny retorted. "I told you anyway. I gave you unsolicited information against your will." He made an intimidating motion with his body and raised his hands full of guns. "So there, unh! You like that? Huh? YOU LIKE THAT, BITCH?" He began to pelvic thrust as a means to indicate his greater alpha dominance over his emotionally fragile enemy. "Yeah, I thought so. Take it, unnn, TAKE IT, BITCH!"

D'Void just sneered like a mean girl while shaking his head at the display of posturing machismo. Secretly, he was a little wet. He lifted his cape and fluttered it about as he sashayed in defiance.

"Pew pew, D'Void," Helen said angrily. This time she fired off actual rounds from some guns that struck her enemy in the leg.

D'Void yelled as he went down on one knee. "OW, WHAT THE FUCK? YOU SHOT ME!" He observed the scorching holes in his pant leg. He gasped. "Hey wait, how am I hurt? I'm supposed to be nigh-invulnerable! Damn these fickle plots. Good thing Ben Tennyson isn't here. He would exploit the hell out of that."

In an instant, D'Void was too busy obsessing about his adorable family of kissing Null Guardians thanks to intrusive thoughts. He tried to hide his shameful blossoming boner from onlookers. He blushed and bit his lip.

"Now you're going to jail, D'Void," Helen said. "You big fat jerk."

"I'm not fat," D'Void wailed. "I'm large boned!" He pointed behind them at a distance. "Oh, goodness, me. Look over there, a distraction!"

The idiots all looked behind them, leaving D'Void enough time to get out of there on his wounded leg. Don't ask how. Realism is whatever I assert it is in my own warped little mind. Long as it moves the plot from Point A over to Point B and ends in hysterical sobbing.

"Suckers," he said while running until he tripped and landed on a boulder. The Helpers disappeared again for the sake of the contrived plot and were no longer a threat. He was somehow gravely wounded anyway. "Aw, fucknuts. I think I'm dying from this minor leg wound."

D'Void began to sob with an endless torrent of self-pity surging through his body. His boner was half chub. The shamefulness of it made him red as a tomato. Kawaii, desu ne.

"This story sucks."

Then he died.

Alone and afraid, and with shit in his pants. That happens after you die. Look it up. It's biology, folks.

The End


	2. Null Guardians Will Always Be OOC

Null Guardians Will Always Be OOC for the Sake of Author Sad Feelz  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
If they acted how they do in canon I wouldn't be able to write 800 repetitive short stories about sad feelz kawaii kissy-face weeaboo nonsense.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. Only hypocrites that don't watch the show think D'Void was controlling the Null Guardians by force. Don't ask me why though I'm clearly obsessed with this one single episode of Alien Force I can't seem to perceive anything that happened in the undeniable canon right there on the screen and will deliberately contradict it whenever possible. 'Tis a mystery.

"My babies love me. They'll do anything for me, as I would for them," D'Void's violent author mischaracterization told the audience for the umpteenth time. He leaned his head against a Null Guardian's stinking leathery body as it slept in a bed beside him. He rubbed its rough side. "My babies. My big, hideous, unintelligent babies. How I love you. How you love me back. It's a love so honest and pure. So genuine. So disgustingly entertaining."

He sighed and stood up while rubbing his eyes. They had dark circles around them. His mascara was beginning to run. He had not the time to waste reapplying it.

"It may be the fact that I've been up for 47 days straight keeping my ruthless dictatorship secure, but I'm feeling a might paranoid all of a sudden. Perhaps I should go outside and get some fresh air. I've been inhaling dank Null Guardian stink for so long. I might have ingested mold spores or some such horrid alien fungus."

He went to get some fresh air.

Out of nowhere appeared the Helpers. Those annoying worm hole traveling brats.

D'Void did a double take. "How do you assholes keep showing up out of the blue inside my security perimeter without Ben Tennyson to lead you? You have the collective brain cells of an amoeba! Double that in this kind of fanfiction!"

"That's for us to know and you never to find out, D'Void. Now we're gonna kick-"

Helen cut Manny off with a finger delicately placed to his lips. "Manny, we don't have lines of dialogue in the original fic. We're only plot devices."

"Yeah, so shut it, losers," said D'Void before laughing rudely. He raised his finger into the air and spoke with a melodramatic tone that exhibited the largest of ham. "You won't arrest me for conquering the Null Void!" He snickered. "That line keeps getting dumber every time I use it. I'm going to make a count of how many times I've used it one day. It's an awful lot."

Manny shoved Helen out of the way. "I don't care. Now, as I was saying...fuck you, D'Void!" He opened fire on the Null Guardians who were hanging out off to one side waiting for their purpose in the story. "Booyah!"

D'Void gasped with much offense. "YOU GIANT FOUR ARMED SACK OF SHIT!"

Manny fired again, hitting him in the face.

"Ow! No, my meal ticket!" D'Void clutched his face in pain. "Though I'm clearly standing inside my kormite drill enclosure where I was established in canon to be invulnerable to any harm. So again, this makes NO FUCKING SENSE!"

"Bork bork bork," borked the Null Guardians. They rose up to defend D'Void's honor by chewing at the ankles of the Helpers. Which since their mouths are so huge would be chewing off their entire leg.

The Helpers screamed as they got violently dismembered.

"Yeah, that's right," D'Void said, his face once again flawless. He produced a comb and ran it through his snowy, silvery hair. Whichever adjective color you prefer. "This was a story someone wrote. Again!"

The End


	3. Stuffed Animal Mary Sue Baby Nonsense

More Hideously Adorable Stuffed Animal Mary Sue Baby Nonsense  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
Explaining where all this junk comes from would take too much out of my day that I could put towards spamming more depraved self-insert tripe and calling it canon.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. Watch me continue to pull anything I want out of my ass for the sake of kawaii uguu Mary Sues who I deny are Mary Sues while calling everyone around me Suethors who can't write worth a darn. Self-awareness? What is that? It's that extremely important thing in life I don't have. Parody authors must be having a field day exploiting it.

D'Void happened upon a room full of stuffed animals. His jaw hit the floor. Not literally. This fic attempts to be based somewhat in realism, though the plot tends to be cartoonishly idiotic, it might as well have. Complete with the loud bang of an iron hitting the floor sound effect. Clang. You know the one.

"What the hell are these doing in here? How did they get here? There's hundreds of them!"

Indeed the giant pile of factory production quality stuffed animal toys was stacked floor to ceiling. D'Void inspected it with a mix of fear, awe, and irritation. Two shrieking baby Null Guardians came flying in. Everything quickly made sense.

"Oh, that explains it," D'Void reluctantly acknowledged. "You reality warping author insertion freaks appear and any trace of logic vanishes." He folded his arms while shaking his head. "Well, guess what? This time I'm staying vaguely coherant in the face of your slobbering Black Hole God Sueism and telling you to get this cutesy dumb fuck weeaboo fanbrat garbage out of this room. It clashes with my villainous aesthetic."

The baby Sue Guardians shrieked. They projectile vomited their acidic spew into his face. D'Void screamed and rubbed his eyes.

"AH! HOPEFULLY TEMPORARILY BLIND," he cried. Excruciating pain shot through his eyes. "FUCK MY LIFE!"

He stumbled around the room until he caught his foot on a pink sock monkey's gangly outstretched leg. He tripped, falling against the pile and knocking it down on top of him. He was lost in an avalanche of brightly colored cuddly stuffed toys.

"Stupidity avalanche," D'Void cried from beneath the pile.

He heard intruders somehow having breached the intense security of his otherwise impenetrable citadel like they do in every story because establishing a coherant logical plot based on underlying canon is an impossibility. Critical thinking, how does it work?

"I can't wait to arrest D'Void for conquering the Null Void," Manny said. "How many fucking times am I gonna say this line?"

"It's been about 250 so far," said Helen. "I figured you were going for a world record."

Manny groaned in anger. "That's not something I'd want to hold as a world record, Helen. It's embarrassing."

"How do these assholes keep getting past my tight security. It's as if they're gaining the lame advantage of a writer's convience from an author who sucks at writing," D'Void whispered through a mouth full of purple stuffed kitten. He made a bleh face and tried to get the fuzzy fake fur off his tongue without giving away his presence.

"Where the heck is D'Void?" Manny inquired. "My trigger finger is itching."

"Maybe he left the citadel mansion," Helen said. "Or maybe he went to the luxurious billion dollar kitchen inside the citadel mansion to get a gourmet snack."

"Maybe he killed himself rather than live through another one of these nonsensical garbage stories," Pierce said. "Sometimes I wish I was dead so I didn't have to appear in them."

They walked away.

D'Void poked out from the stuffed animal pile. The shrieking baby Null Guardians had stuffed animals in their mouths to block their annoying shrieky-sobby borks.

"Maybe I'll keep this inexplicable pile of childish cuddle toys around after all," he said. "It can be my safe space. I'll jump in here to hide whenever I feel threatened. Which is anytime I open my eyes and see criticism of myself. Maybe I'll get an accompanying ball pit for when I feel socially awkward but desperately desire attention. Cluster B Personality Disorders! Comorbidity! Histrionics! Adult-child female self-insertion author!"

He burst into heavy sobs before breaking into giggles and then back to sobs. He ducked back in the pile where he remained hidden for a long time.

This was based off an actual story that existed.

The End.


	4. Writing The Same Thing 600 Times

Writing The Same Thing 600 Times  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
As long as I change a few minor things outside the plot, I can't get in trouble for it. Gosh, I love loopholes.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. This story is was its original title was.

We join our beloved sex God, D'Void, as he wandered for hours in the Null Void while waiting for the plot to make sense. It never would, so fruitless endeavor.

"I wonder what my Null Guardians are doing," he wondered aloud. "I get really tweaky when they're out of my sight for even a second. Like I'm some kind of crazed stalker boyfriend. But with Null Guardians. Who just happen to be, presumably, majority female. And babies. Huh. What a coincidence. That's not creepy at all, right? I certainly don't think so. The author's perspective might be a little off compared to others, of course. Let's never acknowledge that. They prefer to envision that the world revolves around them and their terrifyingly narrow, heavily domestic abuse porn based point of view and that projecting this onto pre-stablished copyrighted characters isn't at all immediately noticeable to everyone else with half a brain. Self-insertion backfire!" He giggled again.

He tripped over a rock as Manny, Helen, and Pierce showed up out of thin air to create more unbearably linear OOC plot events.

"Ow! Not again," D'Void grumbled. He rubbed his handsome chin.

"Blah fucking blah, conquering the Null Void, jail cell, fuck you, D'Void," Manny yelled, aiming his guns.

"Hey, that was my line," Pierce said. "I don't get any other lines in this stupid fic. The author has no idea what to do with me. All they know is my name."

"Yeah, same for all of us," Helen said, shrugging. "Thanks to my vagina, I only get lines when there's a disgusting baby to be obsessed over or someone to be comforted and coddled."

"Pardon me for having better things to do than care." Manny grit his teeth as he locked onto the target of his boundless hatred. "I'm gonna end this waking Goundhog Day nightmare once and for all, D'Void. You're a shitty character. And your Alien Force redesign sucks. It makes no fucking sense!"

"It's my 15 minutes of fame," D'Void screamed. "McDuffie most graciously gave it to me, an otherwise joke villain who no one took seriously because I wasn't considered a real threat until now." His crazy eyes became crazier. "And you won't take it from me!"

Manny blasted several times at the once nigh-invulnerable Null King who wasn't so nigh-invulnerable anymore, curse the contrived plot. A laser struck D'Void in his right butt cheek. He cringed, going down on one knee with a yowl. He started to cry. He collapsed into the fetal position, holding his butt.

"You're a wussy bitch, D'Void," Manny said with a laugh. "It doesn't matter how many fake muscles you get in your stupid Gary Stu redesign. You have no real strength to back it up."

"That's unfortunately true, but I don't have to acknowledge it. You can go enjoy being portrayed as a brainless ghetto thug by 99% of the fandom," D'Void said hoarsely. He stuck out his tongue.

Manny's face turned purple with rage. It was already red and hard to tell otherwise. He was about to fire off more shots when a group of plot convenient Null Guardians flew in. They started shrieking and snarling while spitting out hot wads of destructive energy mouth beam.

Manny got a taste of his own medicine when one of the mouth beams hit him in the ass. He squealed loudly like a little girl, causing D'Void to laugh with satisfaction in the face of his traumatic ass pain. "Oh FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! THAT REALLY HURTS!"

The Helpers ran off quickly as they'd arrived.

"Ha," D'Void said as his pets picked him up and took him home to his citadel. "The story works in my favor this time. What luck!"

The Null Guardians rushed to comfort his hurt. They put medicine on D'Void's butt and then bandaged up his butt. They put him into bed. They gave him extra fluffy pillows to rest his wounded butt on and made him a bowl of nice hot soup. Chicken noodle with stars. He had cookies and milk for dessert. They read him a nice bedtime story afterward. Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooie. It was his favorite.

Believe it. It makes as much sense as anything else.

The End


	5. Useless

Useless  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
Completely irrelevant, obnoxious, idiotic, and infuriating are other useful adjectives to describe these so-called Original Characters.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. Sweet and savory roasted Jesus, I have never developed an honest hatred toward a pack of Mary Sues until this moment. There are no other weeaboo Suethor born characters so miserable, so offensive to my sensibilities as a Ben 10 fan, that I would love to see them obliterated such as I desire for these slimy little freaks. Their sole purpose for existence is to torture the unfortunate audience.

"MUH BABIES," D'Void said to his extra special snowflake ass spawn crotchlings one fine morn in the Null Void. "Be good gurls and play nicely with your cute little toys in your specially designated toy area nursery that you have in the Null Void somehow. This is officially bullshit and there is no logic to be found here. And there never will be. Oh, and I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! I'm going out to murder my enemies before they call Ben Tennyson in to save them from their own ineptitude."

They never do it anyway. The author would have to include a main character of a years running franchise whom they so obviously despise, it's easier to leave him out altogether than struggle to characterize him the vaguest bit properly.

A Suethor's favorite motto: If it don't make me wet, better to forget. Bye, Ben. Nice knowing you.

D'Void reached down and picked up the two shrieking menaces as they flailed their tentacles wildly. Hope le author didn't figure baby Null Guardians would be the size of literal human infants but more around the size of baby African elephants in comparison to their gigantic adult forms. But they've already asserted that baby Null Guardians which do not even EXIST in the first place have explicit female human sexes and act exactly like human babies, not wild animals of minimal intelligence, meaning that concept's already a crapshoot.

"You perpetually shrieking ass sacks are so tiny and adorable and vulnerable. You have to stay here and receive special treatment solely reserved for the finest of Mary Sues," he said to them. "Which you are totally not, fuck the haters who dare suggest otherwise. Your're totally not the author's creepy ass self-insertions wanting to make out with my hot face while trying desperately to suggest they're not a Suethor themselves! Suethors are garbage. Lawl!"

A giant colorful banner that read [HYPOCRISY, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, DEEEERP?] dropped down and dangled in the background. Some confetti shot out of a single canon with the sound of a dry fart. It's all we could afford on this budget.

The toothy mouth-faced blobs of tentacles and shrieking hatred started scream-sobbing.

"Oh God," D'Void groaned. "Here we go again. How do I make it stop before my ears start bleeding?" In a panic, he looked around until he saw convenient stuffed animals lying on the floor. "Plot convenience!" He grabbed them and shoved them in the baby Sue's gaping mouths. It plugged the horrifying noise well enough. "Ah, good."

D'Void sighed with relief.

The annoying Sues spit out the toys, instead grabbing them in their slimy tentacles. They cooed. Like babies. Human babies. Though they were animals. Alien animal babies. Adorbs.

Right. Babies. Babies! Can't get enough babies! BABIES! FUCKING BABIES, BABIES, BABIES, EVERYTHING IS BETTER WITH BABIES! UNLESS YOU CORRECTLY PERCEIVE REALITY AND CAN SEE THAT THEY'RE DISGUSTING ANNOYING SCREAMING SACKS OF VOMIT AND SHIT, THEN CUE THE ENDLESS MISERY. WE NEED 8,000,000,000 STORIES ABOUT NULL GUARDIAN BABIES DOING HILARIOUSLY ILLOGICAL ATTEMPTED CUTE GIGGLE-POO STUPIDFESTS FOR THE SAKE OF AN OTHERWISE NONEXISTENT PLOT! Fucking Mary Sue babies. Null Guardian babies. Canon raping Null Guardian Mary Sue babies. Mary Sue babies that do nothing but shriek and cry, and make out with D'Void, but somehow expect a sane audience to find them cute or endearing and not the author's obvious self-inserts broken into multiple but still painfully generic pieces. No one, repeat NO ONE outside le author would find these abominations anything but horrid. No need to keep shoving them down everyone's throats. No one but YOU, le author, cares about your hideous Mary Sue baby secret shipping atrocities. How can we explain this any clearer?

The hetero meter broke beneath the crushing weight of ultra cute feminine ovary exploding Mary Sue/canon shipping combo baby mush.

D'Void ran away into the hall in his mighty citadel the original author must think is code word for absurdly furnished mansion penthouse or such, it's sprawling in twenty different directions. In the desolate Null Void. It didn't take long for him to stumble upon Helen, Manny, and Pierce as they conveniently appeared to fulfill the plot. So much convenience, it's as if thinking up a structured or complex plot is otherwise unbearable. That's the first sign of someone who shouldn't be wasting so much time writing in order to spam an entire fandom with pointless self-gratifying author masturbation nonsense no one outside le author would be able to relate to, hint, hint. But go on, keep dumping the feces onto everyone for six more years while they scream in protest. I'm sure you'll eventually work your way into their hearts.

"Conquering the Null Void," Helen said. She fumbled with her script, wrinkled from being carelessly shoved into her vest pocket. "Uh. Hang on." She squinted at the words on the paper. "Defeated...uh...and the Mary Sue is cute. And...uh. Sobbing. Where's my line? Oh darn it, I forgot my place again. I'm so tragically scatterbrained."

"Don't care," D'Void yelled while throwing his hands up. "Get the hell out of my otherwise impregnable citadel, you clowns!"

"Just shoot his ass," Manny said.

Everyone raised their weapons without hesitation. D'Void flinched. He wondered if the plot would be in his favor. Canonical invulnerability came and went with the original author's whims. They were viciously petty and based in sadism.

A horrifying shriek-sob came from the distance. The Helpers covered their ears in a futile attempt to block out the ear destroying sounds.

D'Void turned to see his squealing assfarts flying around. He grabbed his head. "No, my BABIES! You're supposed to be in your illogical special toy area playhouse that I have for you in my citadel in the Null Void!"

"What the fuck? How are there baby Null Guardians?" Manny exclaimed in a mix of confusion and revulsion. "These fugly things don't have visible sexes. How do you know there's males or females? Did you go around feeling them up? And they're all adults already. The Galvans created their entire species. You'd think they wouldn't want them reproducing haphazardly. Especially if it lead to...whatever THIS SHIT IS!" He gestured at the horrifying things in front of them.

"No, I've checked. Null Guardians don't have genitalia. I was bored," Pierce said. "And even if they did, I do not want to imagine these dumb ugly beasts having any kind of uncreative and assuredly violent imitation hetero sex. Or birth. This is an abomination unto all that is holy."

"What's the matter," D'Void began. He put on a most evil sly smirk. "Never seen a Mary Sue before? They don't need to follow your rules of logic and reason."

The Helpers gasped. At once they realized the horrific power they were dealing with. They were all too familiar with the concept of a Mary Sue, but they never realized they could disguise themselves as generic animals. Dumb, ugly animals. D'Void smiled wider, enjoying their visible distress.

"They're CANON," he hissed. Lightening flashed and thunder crashed in the background.

One of the baby Sues spit up a large pool of burning green vomit onto the ground. It created a smoking hole a few inches deep. Helen and Pierce gasped. It began making kissy-faces. The Helpers began to dry heave.

Helen grabbed one of Manny's arms. "I think we better go, Manny!"

"I think she's right," said Pierce. He backed up as one of the slobber-blobs fluttered closer, making unsettling hiccuping noises as it sobbed and kissed the air threateningly.

"I'm not scared. I'll smash my foot right on these piss-poor author-insertion freaks' heads," Manny threatened. He took a step forward as Helen tried to pull him back.

D'Void gasped and threw himself to the ground in front of his freakish monster babies. "Noooo! Do not hurt my BABIES! They're my FAMILY! They're all I have in this cruel, empty world! I'm going to take them somewhere where you nasty mean bullies can't hurt them. Never ever ever never," he declared. He scooped them up in his arms, holding them tightly as they spewed bile and black slobber everywhere. "Oh, and my other adult Null Guardians are going to fly in and chew your faces off again. Like in all those previous stories where the same thing happens over and over." He made a fart noise with his mouth.

D'Void laughed as the Helpers screamed, waving their hands around as they ran, trying to avoid giant munching Null Guardian jaws.

"Spoobily doobily doo," D'Void cooed to his infernal butt nuggets as they kissed their pappy's muscular arms.

I have to go do some projectile vomiting of my own now.

The End


	6. Recycled Absurd Plot

The Recycled Absurd Plot  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
Didn't we just do this?

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. Second verse, same as the first. First one hundred, that is.

D'Void appeared in the Null Void, staring at his worst enemies to exist. None of them were Ben Tennyson, or The Wrench. They were those lovable hybrid teen Helpers, Helen, Manny, and Pierce.

"I ain't going to no jail." D'Void pouted before siccing his many Null Guardians upon his enemies. "How many times can we say ARRESTED FOR CONQUERING THE NULL VOID before it becomes a running joke?"

"Everything's already a joke here," said Manny. "Let's just get this over with."

An awkwardly written beige and thus completely uninteresting fight scene ensued. POVs went all over the place. Shit happened. No one cared. Helen gently beat up some Null Guardians. D'Void got mad about it. He can't stand anyone being mean to his dear pet Null Guardians. He loves them so much. They're family. He's not forcing them to do his bidding. That's not something he does. You don't watch the show. Plebeians.

Those obnoxious baby Sues from the last story showed up again, doing the same thing they always do. In every fucking story. Cue laugh track. Also Scream-O-Vision. Scream now.

D'Void gasped at the sight of his annoyingly stupid endangered babies stupidly endangering themselves. The original author indicates they somehow have the intelligence capabilities of human toddlers and at the same time they're dumb animals who must be protected from their own simpleminded stupidity. Pick one and stick with it. They're canonically dumb animals anyway. Why assert different? Someone must...gasp...hate canon since they spend 99% of the time denying its existence. The awful babies flew up to his legs and puked on his boots.

"MY BABIES!" he screamed. He dove on top of them. "I WON'T LET YOU MURDER MY BABIES IN COLD BLOOD, YOU GHETTO THUG!"

Helen and Pierce exchanged glances. D'Void glared at them. He hugged his illogical canon butchering monsters. Manny scowled.

"He was going to do gratuitous harm to my babies," D'Void said. He cringed as the freaks in question began their standard kissing motions, slathering his face with stinking bile.

"I didn't so much as lift my guns. Not one of 'em, you asswipe," Manny remarked.

"You had that threatening look in your eyes," D'Void said.

Manny glowered. His many fists trembled. He released a stream of angrish. "IT'S BECAUSE I'M BLACK, ISN'T IT?"

D'Void averted his gaze. He coughed into his hand. "It's heavily implied. You know how weeaboos are."

"They're notoriously racist," Helen explained. "Even to characters who did not originally have human races, but associated stereotypes projected onto them. It coincidentally draws the immediate ire of racists who claim not to be racist in any way, though they're the most racist people in the entire fandom while crying about racism. See the Steven Universe fandom for hilariously egregious examples."

"Fuck this, I'm out," Manny snarled while throwing down all three of his guns. He walked out of the area. And the plot. He's better off.

"Uh, well," Pierce said. "Moving on. You're under arrest D'Void. Though you shouldn't be harmed here within your citadel with the drill-furnace going and Ben Tennyson's continued absence and realistically should be kicking our asses."

"Whatever," D'Void said. "Long as you don't hurt my cuddly perfect precious adorable little babies." He gagged and choked it back down.

He got thrown in a cell with his two shrieking Sue spawlings. They crawled into his lap, trying to look cute. It was a factual impossibility. They're living turds with mouths, wings, and tentacles. They were suddenly dressed in pink and purple onesies with matching bibs. It only served to reinforce the fact that this shit is ridiculous. What's farther beyond ridiculous is the original author somehow thinks it should be praised as amazing by everyone in the fandom.

Helen and Pierce were there to finish fulfilling the plot, standing around his cell door. Helen's feminine vulnerabilities took hold of her with a crushing ferocity. She giggled at the sight of the horrible babies.

"Aw, they're cute. In an ugly sort of way."

"I am a good daddy," D'Void said robotically as the turds kissed at his face, covering it with burn marks. "A good daddy." He adopted a thousand yard stare.

"You are...a good daddy," Helen repeated. A small amount of drool began to drip from the corner of her lips. "Daddy." She began licking her lips in between mouthing the word 'daddy' over and over.

The baby Sues hissed evilly while drooling acidic vomit and slapping their tongues around.

"Cool motive, still murder," Pierce said. He pulled a tarp over the jail cell's door. "Bye, asswads."

They rotted in jail for a long but unspecified amount of time before dying tragically from an unknown disease.

The End for now.


	7. Offing the Sues

Offing the Sues  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
Why won't they stay dead.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. I feel as though I would have to get really, really drunk to follow these at a similar level to the author. Or maybe suffer some severe brain damage.

D'Void, our hero and designated daddy-dom extraordinaire, grinned while watching his Null Guardians do fun Null Guardian things. Such as roar and drool. They were very cute when they did it. Null Guardians are cute. D'Void loves them. Like a father. An overbearing psychotic obsessive father. I believe we've firmly established this absurd concept in the last 20 thousand fics like this.

What's one more. Or seventy.

"Who wants chow, my playful pets?" He waved a sack of Null Guardian Nummies in front of them as they shrieked.

There came a more infernal sound of the baby Sues he'd had on his ass from several hundred fics ago. Adult Null Guardians doing stupid PWP cute and cuddly bullshit for demented author gratification wasn't enough. We have to add more. Black Hole self-inserts as well.

"Oh, sorry, babies come first," said D'Void. "But they're not special or anything. Not in any way."

He turned to fill their little baby bowls with chow while the other Null Guardians who aren't as glorified by the original author snarled dejectedly in the background.

Helen, Pierce, and Manny appeared out of thin air in the hallway.

"Prison, D'Void," Piece said. He raised a set of handcuffs and shook them. "You'll have to buy your own toothbrush from the commissary. Everything's outrageously expensive."

D'Void's eyes became the size of dinner plates for comical effect. He clutched his temples and did a Home Alone scream. He shook his head. "NOOOOO! I won't go to prison! They pee in a cup and throw it on you. I saw it in a movie once. And I saw that line in a cartoon once. I steal all my lines of dialogue from other things because I'm too dumb to come up with anything original!" He turned around and saw his scream-sobbing pukes doing what they did best, and constantly. SCREAM-SOB. "My author self-insert babies need to have insane amounts of attention lavished upon them in this steaming pile of a so-called story, as well as every so-called story being parodied here. Meaning I have to go now, right away this instant. Fucking high maintenance Sues!"

"No," Manny said. "You're not getting away." He fired his multiple lasers.

"My babies, get back to the safety of your ludicrous specially designed baby crib that I have for you in the Null Void instead of a stable," D'Void yelled.

They continued to scream-sob with perpetual greed for both food and attention in a manner suspiciously similar to their author creator. The sad thing is that's not a snide exaggeration. Protip: If you're going to be a consistent immature douche for a good number of years, don't place gratuitous TMI on the internet in public for everyone to read and be shocked into a years long laughing fit cringfest at how pathetic you are IRL compared to your fake tough keyboard warrioring. Which is pretty pathetic as is, seeing as you can be trolled into a screaming meltdown at the drop of a hat by using simple logic and evidence in the face of your many contradictions.

"You lard balls don't need any more food," D'Void cried as he tried to push them out of the way of laser fire. "Come on, get going!"

Lasers struck the poor widdle babies. D'Void screamed in horrified arousal upon seeing them fall down. "Death boner," he whispered the instant he popped one. "I get off on the trope of female characters cheaply murdered for the sole sake of eliciting masturbatory man pain." He groaned and doubled over, trying not to push things past a hard T rating. "Oh momma!" He bit his quivering lip, riding the edge.

They shrieked and sobbed, ha, the author wrote that in word for word so we're accurate here and in no way exaggerating for comical effect. That's all they do. IN EVERY FUCKING STORY. They have no purpose beyond it. D'Void began to blubber gibberish while occasionally speaking the word BABY very loudly.

He clutched his fists and screamed with rage. "NOOOOOOOO! MY BABIESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" He ran to them and grabbed them in his arms. "Woe as me. They're dead. And I have no idea what the fuck this ending is about. Now I'm getting drunk at the nearest Null Void bar. Later, losers."

He dropped the corpses and walked away while letting out an angry sigh.

Helen, Manny, and Pierce stood there looking awkward, having nothing else to do in the story now. They have no purpose outside being extra plot devices. Poor unfortunate them. Here's ten bucks, kids. Go buy yourselves some ice cream.

"Where the hell are we gonna get ice cream in the fucking NULL VOID!" Manny questioned angrily.

"Same place D'Void does. MY ASS!" screamed the oppressive narration as clouds that looked like a rather fat buttocks appeared and shit out what was hopefully chocolate ice cream from the sky.

The End


	8. Calling It What It Is

Bullshit  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
Calling it what it is.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. That title wouldn't have flown, but this is a collection no longer bound by individual title/summary rules. The original title was: More Inane Drivel.

D'Void rubbed his hands together while watching his big ol' drill-furnace combo smashing its way right through dimensions. How did he build that thing. No one on the writing team dared explain. With good reason. It's stupid. Help us, Ben Tennyson, you're our only hope. Except not in fanfiction.

"Oh boy, oh boy. A few moments longer and my drill will breach the fabric of reality itself and tear through this dimension back into Earth. And then we'll PARTY HARD!" He clasped his hands. "And by party hard, I mean enslave the earth's populace, establish myself as supreme ruler, and cause a ton of global unrest. Maybe build myself a harem of subservient sluts like in all those other popular author self-insertion fics in this godawful fandom." D'Void giggled into his hands at the endless possibilities.

He heard footsteps arriving, instantly knowing it was Helen, Pierce, and Manny. He frowned and turned to make sure. Yep, there they were. Right on time.

"Why can't you idiots never show up like Ben Tennyson," D'Void said with a sigh.

"Stop doing bad things, D'Void," Manny ordered. "You'll ruin life for everyone. The Null Void is gonna collapse. Not like you care, but I'm telling you anyway."

"For once, you're correct, you gigantic dimwit. I don't care," D'Void drawled. "I hate all of you. I'd be happy to know you'd died slowly and painfully by having a pocket dimension implode on you."

"You'll be responsible for thousands of innocent lives lost," Helen gasped.

D'Void folded his muscular arms. "What part do you not understand about me being a VIOLENT, ANTISOCIAL, SELF-CENTRIC, REMORSELESS PSYCHOPATH hellbent on destruction and sowing chaos to gratify my inflated egomania, weird blue lizard lady?"

Helen became confused by the large man's strange words. She placed a finger to her bottom lip. "Well, my feminine brain is on average smaller than a male's, leaving me the inability to process complex concepts, more so when those involve making harsh judgments towards an evil white man, so I..."

She rattled off while nobody with a penis was listening. Definitely not D'Void. Who now had a very big one thanks to the kormite. He jumped onto a Null Guardian and rode it through the portal between worlds.

"Let's get crack-a-lackin', my Null Guardian best friend army," he called.

The hundreds of fat overfed Null Guardians wearing individual handmade BFF bracelets on their various tentacles began to squeeze their way through the dimensional rip.

Manny and Pierce screamed. Helen kept trying to reason with her own tragic ineptitude in fanfiction.

"Babies? Kittens. Pink! Glittery things. Flowers," Helen babbled. She began to cry hysterically. It was all she knew. She thought about babies and appeasing her dear lord, Jesus, to make up for the wickedness of female original sin. "Melodramatic emotional vulnerability! Inferiority complex. Upspeak even in text? Low self-esteem. Romanticized sadistic sexual torture scenarios. Social media. Self-objectification. Cam whoring. Internalized hatred. Desperation for peer and male approval. Birthing machine. Lizard titties!" She sobbed again. "Oh, God, I just realized I'm going to die an unmarried virgin!"

"So are we," Manny and Pierce screamed.

The dimension collapsed all around them before they had a chance to get naked.

D'Void flew out on the other side of the portal and conveniently landed right in Bellwood.

He shook his head in disbelief. "Oh wow, that's convenient."

The original author only knows three fingers worth of locations in the Ben 10 universe. The Null Void, a nondescript neighborhood area of Bellwood right near Ben's house, and Dr. Animo's old apartment in Washington. World's biggest self-proclaimed Ben 10 fan. Somehow.

Everything was going great until a random blizzard happened.

"Whuh?" D'Void reached out with open palm to see snowflakes landing in it. His expression was one of the utmost confusion. As was everyone else's. "But it was practically summer a few minutes ago." Yeah, well welcome to logic fuckshitville, honey. "Noooo!" D'Void cried. "This severely hampers my plans for world domination. Also I wanted to go to the beach and get a tan. I feel weird being this muscular without a nice deep tan. It's not my fault! There's no sun in the Null Void."

Snow fell harder, covering everything as a freezing gust of icy wind blew. The Null Guardians continued to fly around and slobber without purpose. They soon developed free will and flew South for the winter, leaving D'Void behind.

"Hey! You turncoats!" D'Void waved his fist at them. Snow hit him in the face. "Can't breathe!" He coughed. He gasped. He struggled.

It began to hail large chunks. We're talking the size of baseballs. One hit him on the head and knocked him out.

He woke up in a random hospital with a generic nameless doctor at his bedside. He tilted his head to express exaggerated curiosity due to the original author not knowing how to describe complex emotional reactions in realistic detail. Possibly due to being a robot, but this hasn't been 100% confirmed. But about close to 97%.

"A random nameless woman found you several hours ago face down in the snow. Now I will tell you about frostbite by not telling you anything. By the way, we amputated your arm," he said.

D'Void threw off his blanket and gasped in horror. His arm was still there.

"Just kidding. Doctor humor is the worst," said the doctor.

"Laugh it up, wise ass. I'm gonna kill you with a scalpel as soon as I can find one," D'Void muttered. He laid his head back on the pillow and tried to relax for a few moments before the next awful story began. "Give me morphine, and lots of it."

The End


	9. OP Loves Their Irritating Baby Sues

OP Loves Their Irritating Baby Sues  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
Please bash the audience over the heads with your freakishly obsessive self-serving devotion to them several hundred more times. I don't think they get it. Or care.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. D'Void is the soulless prop for vicariously giving my annoying Mary Sues the obscene glorification no one else but me will give them. Good thing this is a public website and no one can stop me from spamming them down everyone's throat. Exhibitionism, hurrah. Also you can interchange these obnoxious self-insert shits with any other character I've ever written because they're all the fucking same. No, really. Try it sometime. It's hilarious.

"Daddy's here, my hideous babies," D'Void sobbed to his baby Sue monstrosities as he coughed up blood.

He was once again struck by a nameless unknown affliction that seems to come and go as the plot requires. He shivered and shuddered and moaned under his security blanket in his goose down queen sized bed he had in the Null Void.

"Oh woe as me, I've been afflicted by yet another mysterious illness in the face of my nigh-invulnerability the original author refuses to acknowledge because it'll wipe out all the inane tragedy sobfests from the equation and they'd have nothing to justify writing hundreds of terrible and poorly disguised self-insert Ben 10 fanfictions about, just like they did with the Secret Saturdays years ago."

The disgusting baby Sue Null Guardians flew into his room, squealing. They threw a shroud over him. He pulled it away.

"Hey, slow down, I'm not dead yet, you slithery assholes!"

They shrieked louder with urgency.

"Okay, now I'm dead."

He laid down, trying not to corpse. He failed once he reflected upon how stupid all this was and broke into silent chuckles.

Hours later, he turned into a zombie and resurrected. He dug himself out of his grave while groaning. He heard the shriek-sobs of his formerly beloved Black Hole Sue babies.

"Braaaaaaaaaaaains," he groaned. "I mean...baaaaaaaabies." He stuck his arms out and began to shuffle slowly in the direction of the familiar shrieks.

He found them sitting on his bed, watching his TV and eating his chocolate cake with sporks and paper plates. Little did he know that they were the ones who had been sneaking arsenic into his food so they could rule over the Null Void themselves.

"You glory-hogging little shits," he groaned. "I'm gonna eat your nonexistent brains!"

He chased them around the room as they shrieked and sobbed. But since he was a zombie and very slow, he never caught them. They kept going around in circles, screaming and crying and groaning for all eternity.

The End


	10. Does OP Even Watch This Show

Does OP Even Watch This Show  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
You can answer that burning question by reading anything they've ever written about Ben 10. Or anything, really.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. Protip: Stop calling everyone else in the fandom hypocrites who don't watch the show when they rip you a new one using intricate knowledge of a years long running superhero franchise they have that you don't seem to posses even at the most BASIC level.

Mighty mini mayhem in human form, a one Mr. Sublimino the Amazing, wandered Bellwood aimlessly while declaring revenge on Ben Tennyson. He happened to be in the neighborhood and also in front of Ben's house when he saw Ben, his cousin, and mother standing in the front yard. Standing around. Doing nothing up until that point.

"Time for din din," Sandra Tennyson told them, wearing a freakish Stepford Wife grin on her face. They went in the house. Sublimino walked up to her in broad daylight. Or evening. It hasn't been established in the fic like any other detail. Writing is hard. Why oh why do we keep doing it. Oh, right. Spite and desperation for attention. "Oh, hello! Are you one of Ben's friends?"

Sublimino took out his watch. He waved it back and forth before realizing the one with the auto-hypnosis effect was better to use in a situation like this. "Why do I keep this piece of shit around? It never works." He fumbled in his pocket for the good watch and brought it up in Sandra's face. He pressed the button, causing a flash of light and squiggly hypno-rays. "You are now in my power."

Ben and Gwen walked out of the house. "Hey, mom, what's taking so long? We're hungry." Ben gasped. He pointed dramatically. "SUBLIMINERD!"

"It's SUBLIMINO," the angry tiny man yelled. He turned to Sandra, speaking in a hurried voice. "I command you to kill Ben Tennyson!" He snapped his fingers and then started running away, laughing like a maniac. "Deal with that, sucker!"

Ben transformed into XLR8 to chase his enemy down in a heartbeat. He whipped the piss out of Sublimino with his long tail until he cried and begged for mercy. Then Ben whipped him again a few times because it was funny. Gwen called the cops. They stuffed Subbles into a squad car.

"Well that was fun while it lasted," said Gwen though she didn't get to do anything interesting and rarely does in these stories.

"I hope mom's okay," Ben said.

"I'm fine," Sandra said. "Now lets eat dinner."

Ben and Gwen sat down to supper. Sandra made okra wheat grass tofu casserole. Ben and Gwen screamed.

"Mom's trying to kill us," Ben shouted. "Curse you, Sublimino!"

The End


	11. Convenient Locale

Convenient Locale  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
Bellwood is a hub world.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. It becomes funnier as it gets more obvious le author doesn't know jack about this franchise outside their own wacky weeaboo anime headcanons as they continue to declare themselves the biggest fan around and call everyone who dares criticize them hypocrites who don't watch the show. Just like they did years ago in a different fandom! Hmm.

"Me want food," Sublimino's non-canonically established aging pater grunted with the eloquence of a caveman as he wandered aimlessly in Bellwood with his wife and man-child. Ignoring Sublimino's origin episode involving a parody of the Mall of America which is located in Minnesota. Everyone lives in Bellwood because it's the only place OP knows by name in this franchise besides the Null Void. Truly the greatest Ben 10 fan who ever lived. Watch as they continue to unironically call everyone around them hypocrites who don't know anything about Ben 10 or its characters. Protip: Don't attempt to make canon based OCs when you can't even get the actual pre-established canon characters right. "Walk faster, dwarf boy. I wanna eat."

"Dad, I'm 35 years old," Sublimino said. "Don't call me boy. And stop calling me dwarf already. I can't help it I didn't grow into the billionaire basketball player you wanted. Do you have to hold it over my head forever?"

His dad took another long hit of beer and belched. "Yes." He grumbled. "My damn son. Not only did he fail at sports, he failed at manhood and became a queer magician. I can't show my face at the poker hall thanks to you."

"I'm a stage hypnotist, dad. Not gay," Sublimino yelled.

"Yeah, sure. I've seen you throw that sparkly purple glitter around," his dad yelled back. "You even grew your hair out. Only queers have long hair and play with glitter."

"Harold," Sublimino's mother said. "We don't use those terms anymore. They're not Politically Correct."

"I don't give a damn about that Liberal media PC bullshit. They're trying to turn us all into queers. Pretty soon we'll be marrying goats. This country's been ruined thanks to this Liberal agenda PC hippie commie loving propaganda."

Sublimino's mother reached down and touched her son's shoulder. "Oh, don't listen your father, honey. He's in one of his moods. It's okay to be gay. God doesn't make mistakes. He made you choose to be gay for a reason." She patted her son's toddler sized arm. "You'll find out that reason one day."

"Mom, I'm not gay!" Sublimino yelled louder. "I'm just a stage hypnotist!"

"What's the difference? That career is full of queers," said Sublimino's dad. "Damn their sequined clothes and pansy dance moves. The big tittied broads they got with 'em are just there to distract you from it. What about that company you keep. That other guy with the long hair and long nails. Always dresses like a queer. Showing too much skin for a man. You're gonna tell me he's not a queer either, huh?" Sublimino's dad waved his hand around, sloshing his beer. "Doesn't he keep a buncha cats? Only queers have long hair and long nails and show too much skin and live with a buncha cats. Don't try to tell me any different. They're ruining this country!"

"Dad, first off all, Doctor Animo isn't my friend. He hates me. And he doesn't keep only cats, he has a whole bunch of animals. He's a ex-vet or something who does weird experiments on them. I don't know if he's gay, and honestly I don't care. But I'm NOT GAY! I'M A STAGE HYPNOTIST! THERE'S A DIFFERENCE!"

Ben Tennyson showed up out of the blue.

"Oh great, here comes a bigger headache than the one I'm dealing with now," Sublimino groaned.

"Oh, hey SublimiNERD," Ben said as he strolled by. He leaned over to whisper at Sublimino. "I see ugly and loud runs in your family." He squealed with laughter and ran away.

"I'm gonna kill you one day, you brat," Sublimino vowed.

His mother pulled him by the ear. "Stewart," she said in a firm motherly tone," You stop that unruly behavior right now. It's rude!"

"Ow! Mom!"

"Now that's a kid who's gonna grow up to be a professional athlete," Sublimino's dad said to himself with a longing look. He drank more beer. "Assertive. Confident. It's written all over him. He's gonna be banging broads and siring kids left and right once he hits high school. His daddy must be proud." He frowned at his wayward son. "Why the hell can't you dress like a normal man? Why you always gotta wear that damn circus outfit everywhere? I don't know why I let myself be seen in public with you. Nothing but an embarrassment."

"ARGH, CHRIST ON A CRACKER," Sublimino yelled.

His mother smacked him on the shoulder. "Stewart! We do not take the lord's name in vain!"

"MOM!"

"Don't yell at your mother."

"I'm not! This is my normal voice!"

"Where were we going anyway? Martha, where did you drag us out to? And why the hell aren't we in a car?"

"We were going to the Olive Garden. We're walking because exercise is good for you. There's an obesity epidemic in this country, you know. Olive Garden has got to be somewhere around here. I wish you'd stop and ask for directions, Harold."

"Only queers and Liberal beta males stop to ask for directions!"

Trembling with pent-up rage, Sublimino took out his hypno-watch and turned it on himself in order to forget this miserable incident.

The rest of the original story was too stupid to finish, so hope you enjoyed this comical reinterpretation of part of it.

The End


	12. Logic Fail Nonsense

Logic Fail For The Sake Of Three paragraph Nonsense  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
Quantity over quality at all costs.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. The author indicated this fic to take place before the Negative 10 episodes. Meaning, given the plot content in realistic accordance with future canon events, Animo and the Freaks would have held deep animosity toward one another and likely not wanted to work together. The Neg 10 would have failed to exist, minus 4 members.

The Circus Feak Trio was hanging around in a circus tent inside an actual circus. Because...they're circus freaks. Running it right into the ground.

Who should show up out of the blue at that moment but Doctor Animo. He ran inside the tent, finding a caged tiger he then mutated for his own nefarious use.

"Hey it's that science freak from the news," said Acid Breath. "What's he doing here at a random podunk circus, stealing the tiger?"

Frightwig shrugged. "Plot convience?" she suggested. How right she was.

"He's taking Tabby away," Thumbskull whined. He was in the midst of digging his pinky inside his left nostril. "I like Tabby. Tabby is a big kitty. I like kitties. I also like pie."

"Let's kick his ass," Frightwig suggested.

"Yeah, whatever. It's not like we have much to do around this lame 1997 era emo goth circus now that it's closed for the season," Acid Breath said.

They pursued the mad doctor and a grossly mutated Tabby to...are you kidding me?

To Bellwood. Of course.

Bellwood is the magical epicenter of the universe. It's two steps to the left of wherever you are in the world.

"Now we're going to kill Ben Tennyson a lot, my new pet," Doctor Animo said to the tiger as he rode it down Bellwood's pleasant upper middle class WASP suburban streets.

The Freaks struggled for breath, having run an unspecified number of miles from their little podunk circus in the middle of nowhere to Bellwood in pursuit of Doctor Animo.

"Shit," Acid Breath gasped as he leaned with his hands on his knees. "We should have taken a bus."

Frightwig threw up on the curb. "My legs are sore. My throat is burning. My mouth tastes of vomit. I'm dizzy. I'm running out of complaints."

Thumbskull did hopscotch through a half-faded chalk grid, laughing like a severely mentally challenged adult. He noticed a crack. He gasped.

"Step on a line, break your mother's spine. Step on a hole, break your mother's sugar bowl. Step on a nail, you'll put your dad in jail," he giggled. He then looked sullen, remembering how his father had indeed been put in jail for trying to nail him to the wall during a drunken rampage while calling him a horrendous mistake of nature. His bottom lip quivered. "I made myself sad."

"Where'd Animo go?" Acid Breath demanded.

They checked the area. Doctor Animo had left the plot. Lucky for him.

Frightwig slapped Thumbskull upside the head.

"Ow!" The big buffoon grabbed his head. "Why'd you do that for?"

Frightwig shook her head in dismay. "Because this story sucks and had no purpose other than to up the OP's spammed fic count."

And it didn't. Like every other one.

"I pooped my pants," Thumbskull whimpered.

The End


	13. Same Junk, Different Fic

Same Junk, Different Fic  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
We did this the last time, but let's throw some of my screeching baby Sues into the mix to make it all the more insufferable.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. Guess who've become my newest convenient plot device based puppet victims. If you guessed the Circus freak Trio, you're right. They're like the Plumber's Helpers, only dumber.

Our story begins with a torrent of useless filler which will be skipped over to get to the further juicy bits of mass stupidity. The Freak Trio was hunting for new animals to capture and enslave for their lame gothic OSHA noncompliant circus.

Several streams of beige and pointless dialogue later, they happened to run into Doctor Animo from the previous story. Only now it was post-Neg 10 and Voided. Doctor Animo AKA D'Void was terrorizing the local circus, scaring away the patrons. It made the Freak Trio quite mad. Their living wages depended on that income.

"Hey! That annoying old codger is messing with our property again," Acid Breath snarled. "Let's kick his bony ass outta here and into the grave, where it belongs!"

"I'm loudly recalling the past events of The Negative 10 so the original author doesn't have to come up with creative invented dialogue for me to speak," said Frightwig while she played with the ball tip of her scary living locks. "Copy-pasting is so much easier than writing. Why do people who can't write themselves out of a paper bag have it as a devoted hobby?"

"It's called Dunning-Kruger," Acid Breath said.

Frightwig blinked for a few seconds, then gasped. Her compatriots joined her.

"What are those things?" Acid Breath inquired as he took a step back for safety. He pointed at the large gathering of huge, freakish Lovecraftian monsters with leathery wings, slithering tentacles, and terrifying tooth filled mouths for faces. "I know he's a science freak who mutates animals into bigger mistakes of nature than us, but this is beyond fugly."

Frightwig was too busy drooling over the inexplicable new Animo. "Oh my God, that's Doctor ANIMO?! What happened to him? He's...he's...he's HOT!" Her eyes traveled over his chiseled features, billowing hair, bare chest, and accompanying giant muscles. They lingered longingly over the crotch of his pants. Quite a bulge. She bit the tip of her finger and chewed on it. "Mama LIKE," she said in a sultry tone. Her ovaries began to rage with need. The need for seed. "Please tell me there's gonna be smutfic."

Acid Breath made a gagging noise. "Are you fucking serious? He's like 61 years old! Get some standards!"

Sadly, Frightwig was long gone. She sighed dreamily, little hearts now occupying the space where her pupils once were. "I can't. I have ovaries. They control all aspects of my life. I am too weak to resist the influence they have over me."

Acid Breath's face met his palm.

D'Void, formerly known as Doctor Animo, the Null King, sexiest man on the planet and former pocket dimension penal colonies that are now imploded, rode in on a Null Guardian. He laughed triumphantly as everyone fled before him. The Null Guardian had several sticks of cotton candy in its mouth, chewing like a cow with cud. It produced much drool from its terrible jaws.

"That's right. I conquered the Null Void. Now I'm conquering the Earth. And of course I came straight for this circus in the middle of nowhere instead of Washington D.C. or the UN building or someplace big to make myself the violently undisputed center of attention. Don't question the logic of it! There's none to be found."

He flew by a corn dog stand.

"Ooh, I haven't one of these in years," he said before grabbing one and taking a bite. "Mmm, greasy substandard quality you'd only find at a shady podunk circus."

"Didn't anyone tell you steroids shrink your dick, old man?" came Acid Breath's voice, causing Doctor Animo to turn with a frown while chewing at his snack.

Frightwig shoved Acid Breath out of the way, knocking him down. She giggled like a nervous schoolgirl and stroked a lock of her slithering hair. "Hiiii. So you're a doctor, huh? My mom always wanted me to marry one of those." She licked her lips hungrily. "I know a lot of people are disgusted by relationships with huge age gaps, especially if it's an older man and a younger woman, but I am totally NOT one of those people. In fact, age gap recently became one of my kinks." She started barking at her object of affection, causing him to raise an eyebrow. "Woof! Momma's in heat!"

Acid Breath got up and shoved her out of the way before pointing at D'Void.

"Get off that filthy mutant monster horse, you clown. I'll make you wish you'd never been born," he declared.

D'Void stared him down while chewing on the remainder of his corn dog. "You and what army, you walking example of prolonged periodontal disease."

Acid Breath was about to show the good doctor how he'd weaponized halitosis when two shrieking fun-sized Null Guardians showed up to mangle the plot further.

"What the shit," Acid Breath said. He stepped back from the acid-puking monstrosities. The tip of his shoe began to smoke. "Hey!"

Thumbskull guffawed like a moron. "Hey, Acid. These little turds spew better than you can."

The squealing tentacle mouth blobs flew over to Frightwig and sank their many teeth into her lovely long lady locks. She screamed as they began to gnash and shake them like their cuddly crib toys back home.

"AAAH! THEY'VE GOT MY HAIR!" She ran around while flailing her arms, dragging the two creatures along for the ride. "GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF!"

Thumbskull laughed harder, pointing at the slapstick scene. He got distracted by his own comically low intelligence and wandered off to have some popcorn.

"LET ME GO, YOU LITTLE FUCKERS!" Frightwig ran into a tent. The sound of general disarray followed.

Acid Breath ran in to either save his associate or laugh at her as she got her face chewed off. He couldn't decide.

Thumbskull eventually showed up with several sacks of popcorn, two of which were half empty. He shoved handfuls into his gaping maw and chewed with his mouth open. He took a seat on a nearby crate, watching the scene unfold as Acid Breath pulled one of the shrieking things from Frightwig's hair.

"Man, these little freaks are dangerous. And irritating. They haven't shut up in 20 minutes," said Acid Breath. He finally pulled the second baby-thing off and threw it against the wall. It made a nasty wet slapping sound like a dirty surgical sponge.

Both of them shriek-sobbed while Frightwig used her bolo tipped whip-hair to give them some much needed payback.

"Fuck off, you hideous screaming beasts! Or I'll really give you something to shriek about," she yelled.

The other baby Sue Guardian ran and began to...oh are you serious...it began to CARESS HER SIBLING'S SAD LITTLE FACE, so kawaii uguu. That's obviously something these simple-minded animals can do and not a sad self-insertion invention of the lazy ass didn't even try and never does original author. Like crying hysterically without eyes or tear ducts. Or the concept of grief. They're Null Guardians. Jesus tap dancing Christmas, le author, no one but you and you alone thinks these brainless drooling things are remotely cute in any way or would ever have sympathy for them. Take them and shove them back up your gaping distended asshole where they belong, please.

"What should we do with these squealing turds?" Acid Breath wondered.

"Shove them in the canon and fire them into the next county," Frightwig suggested. She was missing three pieces of hair and had a bald spot on the back of her head. Her makeup was running all over the place.

The baby Sues shrieked and blubbered and sobbed and acted exactly like human children by holding each other while crying and trembling in a desperate bid for audience sympathy. In your dreams. Kill 'em.

"I don't care, just do something with them. They're making me sick," Acid Breath said as he gagged up his own acidic bile involuntarily.

Meanwhile, D'Void was enjoying those corn dogs. This is the first time he hasn't dropped everything and ran hysterically to save his freakish author insert Sue baby abominations. He's slipping up.

"Shut up, these are good corn dogs," D'Void yelled from afar. "I'll do it later."

Frightwig brought out a standing ring and set it ablaze. "How about we make them jump through hoops for our amusement?" She lashed out with her whip-hairs, snapping it at the ugly Sue baby's tentacle butts. They shrieked and sobbed and flew around in circles. "Get in there, you whimpering piece of dirt."

One of the baby Sues flew through the ring and burst into flames. The beast proceeded to shriek and become a winged mobile fire hazard, spreading flames to the tent as she moved erratically.

Frightwig gulped. "I didn't think this through."

The flying flaming Sue sobbed uncontrollably and spat up more acidic puke. It exploded on contact with the lingering flames.

"What's going on here," D'Void's voice came from the tent entrance before he flew in on his primary Null Guardian. He had a half eaten big soft pretzel in one hand and a large lemonade in the other. His eyes widened when he observed the chaos. His evil baby Sues were on fire, flying around shrieking hysterically. The tent was burning. The Circus Freaks trembled in the center. "WHAT IN THE FUCK?" He looked at the ring of fire then glared at the panicking Freak Trio. "Which one of you idiots thought it was a good idea to set those screaming fuckers ON FIRE? And INSIDE A HIGHLY FLAMMABLE TENT, no less?"

Acid Breath and Thumbskull pointed to Frightwig.

"It was her fault!" Acid Breath cried.

"She did it!" Thumbskull sobbed.

Frightwig shook her head rapidly. "I DIDN'T MEAN TO! IT WAS A MINOR LAPSE IN JUDGEMENT! Women have those all the time! I blame my vagina! Bad vagina! Bad!" She punched herself in the crotch. "You don't deserve him!"

The scream-sobbing Sues flew at D'Void. He gasped and held out his hands defensively. "No, you rotten little pustules!" He threw his cup of lemonade at the pair, dousing them before they landed in his arms. "Can't you get off me for five fucking minutes?" He recoiled as their reeking tongues began slapping around his handsome face.

"Just let us outta here, please," Acid Breath begged while Thumbskull held him in a crushing embrace. "We won't bother you or your hideous mutant things ever again! We swear!"

The Null Guardian that D'Void was riding on and blocking the exit as well roared in their faces. They cowered.

"Thanks to you I'm out one giant pretzel and ultra large lemonade. And now I've got these squealing monstrosities to obsessively coddle against my will until they stop," D'Void said angrily. "Why shouldn't I let you burn slowly and painfully?"

"Please, please, please," the Trio all sobbed. The air grew hotter, the oxygen thinner. "We don't want wanna die in a parody fic like this! Have mercy!"

They were pleading to the author of the parody and not to D'Void. Since I have mercy where D'Void has none, let it be so.

D'Void would have stayed to watch them burn to death in a horrible way, but something made him decide against it. "Oh, whatever. You're not worth my time anyway. I'm going to ravage the next town. Later, losers," he said as he flew back out the tent exit.

The Freaks ran out behind him. They fell on the grass, struggling for breath and coughing. The tent burned to the ground until it was nothing but ashes.

"I really hope," Thumbskull said through his hacking coughs," we don't end up in another shit fic with that guy ever again." He rubbed his aching tear filled eyes.

"I'm glad I didn't spontaneously combust," Acid Breath panted. "I don't understand how my anatomy works." No one does.

Frightwig cleared her throat and looked up to watch D'Void flying away through a blood red sunset. Her womanly feels were conflicted. "He was so hot," she whimpered. "Why are the crazy ones always hot?"

"Isn't it supposed to be 'why are the hot ones always crazy'?" said Thumbskull.

"No," said Frightwig. She began to sob. Her vagina was very depressed. It missed D'Void's immensely sexy presence. "My vagina is crying."

"Huh?" Thumbskull didn't understand because he's a mentally stunted virgin man-child.

The End


	14. Now That's Edgy

Now That's Edgy  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
Increasing graphic violence means my not quite a story has more maturity and depth. Whoops, wait. It actually has the opposite affect.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. At least it's not "kawaii" gratuitous rape this time around. Poor Jay Stephens continues to have night terrors to this day. As does everyone else.

D'Void popped up in a short story one day that existed for no reason beyond the author is a depraved asshole who desperately wants reactions from offended fans of whatever cartoon series they mutilate in their fanfic self-insertions. Numerous bait attempts include mocking cancer survivors, rape victims, victims of domestic abuse, homosexuality, and race relations. We join him and the Helpers in nondescript mid-battle.

"Stupid line of filler dialogue," Helen said. She skated around on her built-in roller blades in the Null Void as she deeply missed Ben Tennyson who never showed up any more to save the day. She fought Null Guardians as they flew around and gonked. She smiled and did a pirouette before she addressed the fourth wall. "This is a terrible story. But you already knew that."

"I don't even have any lines of dialogue in this trash," said Manny. "Fuck everything." He started firing at a nearby rock formation, thereby giving himself something else to do in the story. "I hate it! I hate it so much!"

D'Void grabbed Helen by the throat and crushed her windpipe.

"Whoops!" He dropped her corpse and laughed. "Another stupid line of dialogue." He shrugged. "Well, that happened! So tragic."

He began to Moonwalk while Manny sobbed hysterically in the background and clutched Helen's lifeless body to his chest.

"FEMALE DEAD! MAN PAIN!" Manny sobbed.

The original fic was about six sentences long. So worth it. So necessary. This truly deserved to be an entire fanfiction by itself. 6 sentences.

The End


	15. Concept Requires Better Execution

This Concept Requires Better Execution  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
In the hands of a better author, this idea could work. Have a quick example.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. Who is this Ben Tennyson kid? Why does he keep showing up all the time in other people's stories? It's almost like he's a central character to the canon franchise or something. Darn if OP can figure out what to do with him in their ridiculous OC self-insert drivel they happened to slap into the Ben 10 section claiming it to be canon.

One glorious day in Bellwood, Ben was walking around, minding his own business.

"I'm Ben Tennyson, and I'm walking around, minding my own business," he said cheerfully. He sipped upon a smoothie. The flavor doesn't matter and will not be discussed in any detail. "It's made out of mashed potatoes and gravy." No one cares, Ben.

Out of the blue, Doctor Animo showed up with his mutated poodle army. They each had three heads with red eyes, acidic drool dripping from their fanged jaws, and different cute cuts that made them look like adorable powder puffs. Of pure EVIL. One with brown fur wore a lion clip, the black one wore a continental clip, and the last had the lamb clip for its white fur.

"Behold, Ben Tennyson, my new army," Doctor Animo declared while pointing at his nemesis.

Ben continued to sip his smoothie loudly through the straw. He laughed. "What, are you trying out for a dog show, Animo? Those things aren't much of an army."

Doctor Animo wrung his clawed hands with devious intent. "Oh, but you're wrong, Ben Tennyson. As usual." He snapped his fingers.

The giant poodles snarled. They pounced at their target. Ben dropped his smoothie and ran to a safer distance to engage the Omnitrix. He became Big Buff Chill, phasing through their snapping jaws.

"Yikes. These doggies mean business. Guess I underestimated you, Animo," he said. He looked at the fourth wall. "I never thought I'd say that, much less twice in this franchise."

He became solid again and blew a breath of frigid air in one poodle's face. It snarled and spat a burst of fire at him.

"Whoa!" Big Chill flew higher into the air, out of the reach of the creatures. "Maybe I'm attacking this from the wrong angle." He flew around and landed behind Doctor Animo.

"No! My pets, attack-" Before Doctor Animo could finish, Ben grabbed his Transmutator rods and yanked them out. "OW!" Doctor Animo grabbed his plexiglass dome head and rubbed it uselessly. His brain ached thanks to the rods being forcefully removed. His control over the poodles was instantly nullified. "Aw, nuts! Not again."

Doctor Animo ran away as the poodles went out of control. They began attacking random cars and lifting their legs to pee on buildings.

"Curse you, Ben Tennyson," Doctor Animo yelled before he escaped into an alley. "I'll get you one day! Maybe! Probably not. But I'll never stop trying!"

Ben laughed. Then he realized he had to stop the poodles before they caused billions in property damage and he got blamed for it.

Just another day's work for a superhero.

The End


	16. Female Characters Should Shut Up

Female Characters Should Shut Up  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
And let the hot male characters do as they please the way I want them to in my writing, unlike in the canon.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. Whoops, I can't characterize female characters beyond anything but misogynistic stereotypes. Now watch as I simultaneously declare everyone else around me a misogynist who hates canon and strong female characters. Hurrah, internet feminism. A torrential stream of hilarious contradictions.

One day while wandering in a random mall with little other detail, but we're going to assume it's the Mega-mall-opolis from Midnight Madness. Ben was trying to tune out Gwen's constant shrill nagging.

"Girls really do talk too much," Ben said before he shoved more deliciously greasy food court nachos into his mouth. "Is there something in your ovaries that makes you do that on a biological level, or is it a learned behavior?"

"I DO NOT TALK TOO MUCH, BEN," Gwen shrieked loudly as indicated by the capslock.

Ben stopped once the plot conveniently dropped a Sublimino into the picture. He sprayed corn chip crumbs everywhere as he tried to point toward a stage bearing a sign with the words THE AMAZING SUBLIMINO on it.

"Ben, that's gross, chew with your mouth closed. Also don't talk with your mouth full or you'll choke," Gwen harped on.

Ben swallowed the food and coughed before pointing again. "Look, it's that annoying baby-man, Sublimino. How'd he get his show back? Shouldn't he have been banned from this mall after the stunt he pulled?"

Ben ducked before Sublimino took notice of them. He grabbed Gwen, pulling her down behind a short wall with him. They kept low and moved toward the fountain.

"Ben, what are you doing? You better not be trying to fish coins out of the fountain. You get in trouble for that. And I swear if you get me thrown out of the mall so I can't go to my favorite stores and buy loads of shoes and clothes and fruity scented lotions and glittery makeup accessories for attracting psychotic bad boys retconned to have secret hearts of gold to be my boyfriends, I'm going to choke you to death!"

Ben slapped his hand over Gwen's mouth. "Man, Gwen. Your characterization in this story is worse than any I've read. And I've read a lot of fucked up fics with you in it out of boredom." He peeked over the wall. "Sublimino is here. I've got a hunch he wants to mass-hypnotize everyone again. Just like in Midnight Madness." He looked around. "The original story wanted me to run for my life which is something I'm not exactly known for doing in this series. The asshole author can't figure that out because they don't watch Ben 10. Instead of being a total OOC pussyclown, I'm gonna catch Sublimino by surprise and beat the crap out of him. Because I'm a superhero. And I'm vaguely in character in this parody. Ba-dum-tsh."

"Sublimino? Wasn't he that little guy with the sunglasses and the bad comb over?" Gwen was talking far too loud but couldn't realize it due to her ovaries. They released deadly hormones that caused a severe lack of self-awareness.

Ben quickly handed her a cell phone. "Here, you know what, Gwen, why don't you go outside and call the cops." He shoved her away.

"Whatever, doofus!" She obediently speed-walked out of the plot, having no choice but to obey male influence.

When she was gone, Ben heaved a sign of relief. "Thank goodness! I can finally hear myself think."

Sublimino peered behind the wall. "Ah ha! I knew it was you, you little brat! Come to ruin my show another time, eh? Well you're not going to this time."

"Hey, how'd you know I was here?" Ben gasped.

"That incredibly shrill and annoyingly loud female voice accompanying you," he said. "Where'd she go?"

"I conveniently shoved her out of the plot for the sake of regaining my own proper characterization in this story. Her sacrifice will not be in vain," Ben said. "She's calling the cops right now. If I don't kick your man-baby butt first, they'll be here to carry you back to prison in a few minutes. Sucker!" He slammed a palm on the Omnitrix and became Heatblast. "Time to roast this marshmallow." He held out his hands and let loose with little balls of fire that had the Mario fireball sound effect. Blip blip.

Sublimino yelped and ran around while avoiding flames. He skidded to a stop, glaring at Ben from behind his cool guy shades. "Good thing I hypnotized all the people in the mall two days before I set up here, heh heh!"

He took out his watch and pressed the button, unleashing his powers of suggestion over everybody he already hypnotized. A large crowd of weapon wielding mall patrons surrounded Heatblast. They numbered in the hundreds.

"Uh oh." Heatblast looked around nervously. There was no way he could fight without being overwhelmed. They closed in on him. "I've gotta smash that hypno-watch."

He threw a fireball at Sublimino right before a bunch of people started hitting him with chairs and baseball bats that smoked when they touched his fiery charcoal alien flesh. They kept on beating him because they were under hypnosis. Also it was funny.

"Yaaarg!"

Ben transformed back as Sublimino shrieked and tossed his burning watch into the nearby fountain.

"OH CRAP! THE WATCH!" Sublimino yelled as his watch shorted out, freeing everyone from his power. He tried to run away.

Gwen showed up behind Ben. "Ben, what the heck are you doing?" She held the phone to her ear.

"Gwen, I beat Sublimino. But he's running away. Where's the cops? Have they cordoned off the area yet?"

Gwen raised an eyebrow at him. "Huh? Cops? What are you talking about?"

Ben's mouth dropped open. He gestured at the phone. "Hello? The cops. The ones I told you to take the phone and call like 12 minutes ago?"

"Oh. I've been on the phone with my friend Emily," she said. "We were talking about the new boy band and clothes and shopping and cute baby animals stuff and babies and mindless social media fads and how depressing it'd be if we ever became paraplegics. I told her I was at the Mega-mall-opolis with my doofus cousin who never shuts up about his dumb superhero problems." She turned her attention back to the phone and laughed. "I know, right?"

Trembling with rage, Ben reached out to strangle his dweeb of a cousin but stopped because it was unfitting for his character.

The End


	17. Author Inserts Personal Opinion

Author Inserts Personal Opinion Vicariously Through Female Canon Character  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
It doesn't matter how many hundreds of times you do it. No one believes the miserable OOC spiels coming out of these characters' mouths.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. These keep getting worse. Down the rabbit hole we go.

One unhappy day in the Null Void, post-Voided, Ben Tennyson hadn't shown up. Somehow the Helpers managed to defeat D'Void and toss him into the local jail anyhow. Don't think about it too hard. You'll have a brain aneurysm.

"Enslaving everyone in the Null Void," Manny said. "I wish I had a nickel for every time I've been forced to say that line, 'cause I'D BE RICH! I could buy my way out of appearing in these hot messes."

D'Void ignored him while he clutched tightly to his two hideous living farts, his twin baby Null Guardian Mary Sue granddaughters that were not gratuitous and blatant author self-inserts. They squealed and sobbed hysterically, as is their constant pointless characterization. Everyone in the vicinity but D'Void had to wear ear plugs. He was used to it from being around them 24/7 in 600 similar stories.

D'Void frowned at his captors. He petted his freak babies' head-mouths while they snapped and snarled and made the repugnant Sue/canon shipping desperation kissy-face. "My squealing babes need the foodies."

Helen tripped over her own wheels jumping at the chance to serve a man. "I'll get it!" She vanished but was back one second later. She held some loaves of bread. "Freshly baked. The Null Void is somehow well known for fresh baked goods, hence their bountiful appearances in hundreds of incoherent fanfictions featuring all of us. It's the wacky grimdark sitcom nobody wanted!"

She reached through the bars and gave D'Void the bread. He cringed as the greedy gaping tooth-mouthed hellspawn lunged at him.

"Okay, wait, damn it, WAIT! JESUS! WATCH THE HANDS!" He dropped the bread into their mouths as they snapped and screamed. They viciously tore it apart. He dove into a corner of the room for safety. "My sweet little babies," D'Void groaned before placing his head to the floor.

Helen's ovaries exploded with biologically inherent feminine motherly instincts and male worship.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaw, WHAT A LOVING LOVEY LOVE! D'VOID IS SUCH A NICE GRANDDADDY! SUCH GOOD MAN! SUCH LOVE! SUCH CUTE! GOOBIDY GOOBITY OOBITY! BABIES, BABIES! I EXIST IN THESE STORIES SIMPLY TO HELP GLORIFY THE AUTHOR'S OBNOXIOUS MARY SUE BABIES WHICH HILARIOUSLY AND DISGUSTINGLY DOUBLE AS HER OBVIOUS DESPERATION TO SHIP HERSELF WITH HIM! I AM A SLAVE TO MY OVARIES! Also a slave to a cripplingly oppressive narrative that won't allow pre-established characters to do anything outside a strict offensively stereotypical OOC author insert norm. Did I mention, ugly monster babies babies babies babies babies! Gosh, I LOVE THEM SO MUCH! KISSIESSSSSSSSSS!"

She stuck her fist in her mouth and began blowing on it while wheeling herself in a circle of horrifying eternal shallow mischaracterization.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need a couple dozen showers and a few dozen drinks.

The End


	18. That Author Isn't A Troll

That Author Isn't A Troll  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
They come off as one worse than the actual Ben 10 parody-crack writers here who for some hilarious reason are capable of far better characterization even in their deliberately worst stories. Situational irony?

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. I can't...I don't...what?

D'Void woke up one day, immediately noticing his infuriating Null Guardian baby Sues author inserts were absent for the span of two seconds. He panicked and went looking for them. He found them under his queen size bed. Which he had. In the Null Void. They were playing hide and seek. How cute. How illogical. They shrieked at him and puked all over the carpet, enraged at being found.

"I did count to 100. You're just mad I won because you suck at hiding," D'Void said.

Helen and Manny crashed through the ceiling, causing the Sues to burst into their constant hideous hysterical sobbing.

"We're here to fulfill our tragically stupid part in every one of these fics," Manny grumbled.

"Yes, you are."

D'Void clapped his hands and a group of his vicious Null Guardian pets tore them to shreds. Ew, nasty. He laughed sadistically along with the original author.

But tragically, the plot soon turned on the mighty D'Void and the inexplicable unknown illness struck down his two infernal pedo baby ship Sues. They squealed and sobbed in his arms before he chucked them into their kawaii customized baby crib which they had in the Null Void. It was filled with cute stuffed animals which they also had in the Null Void. They huggled them between their grasping, slimy tentacles. The ugly freaks once again KISSED D'VOIDS FACE, projectile vomit dry heave gagging at that disgusting line, while they sob-shrieked hysterically. Then they died for the sake of author gratification sad feelz like in every story by this author, no matter the fandom. This is literally all they write, all the have ever written, and all they will ever write.

Boo hoo.

D'Void sobbed hysterically as his most beloved babies, the one thing he cared about in the entire world thanks to kawaii uguu weeaboo alternative character interpretation, were gone forever. Yeah right, they'll be back in the next 27 hundred follow up fics.

"I'm so alone and depressed now," D'Void cried tearfully through his sobs. He rubbed his red, puffy eyes. Tears kept shooting out like water from a broken fire hydrant. "I know. I'll die and become a ghost. I'll be with my babies FOR-EVER!"

He waited until the plot conveniently struck him with the mysterious unknown illness. He cried for hours until he died from dehydration. It hurt a lot.

Very sad. Much tragic.

This person claims to be a hardcore fan of Doctor Animo while ignoring every single piece of existing established canon about him, then gratuitously humiliating and torturing him to death in every piece of written work they've ever done. None too suspiciously the same as they did with V.V. Argost all those years ago, with less kawaii bloody yaoi anal rape boxer shorts kissing and more hysterically shrieking baby Mary Sues because there wasn't a sexy enough dude to pair Animo up with.

Yeah, none of us notice the glaringly obvious pattern. Fuck off already.

The End


	19. Not Without My Mary Sue

Not Without My Mary Sue  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
Being away from my author designated Mary Sue is utter torture. Let us forcibly revel in it.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim.

D'Void woke up one day post events of Voided, the only episode of Alien Force that matters and not because Grandpa Max came back from the dead, to discover he'd been beaten by nameless rebel forces, not Ben Tennyson, hero of Earth. What the fuck is canon and why do I keep claiming to be such a fan of it in spite of the contrary. He threw up his hands and let out a Darth Vader style "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" before realizing his hands were chained.

Manny showed up to his deliver his best and dumbest line. A fan favorite. "Enslaved everyone in the Null Void!" he yelled. The audience clapped and cheered. They threw roses at his feet. He bowed. "Thank you, thank you. You're too kind."

D'Void began to shriek about his first and most beloved Mary Sue baby, the original one that had been personally named by the author and represented the obvious desperation ship of canon and Sue. We affectionately dub her, Screamy-Sobby. Because that is all she does. In every story. She has no purpose beyond. How tragic when you claim to be the most creative person in an entire fandom, but can't be arsed to come up with a halfway memorable Mary Sue. You know you're not suited for writing fanfiction when you even suck at making Mary Sues, for you have failed at the kindergarten entrance level. Embarrassing.

One of the nameless rebels appeared, dragging the slimy thing by its tail tentacle. "Got your awful Mary Sue, D'Void! Now you're powerless. We know you can't function without this thing. The narrative won't let you."

"Screamy-Sobby," D'Void sobbed. He struggled against his heavy chains but was 6'5'' again and weak as piss. He couldn't snap them off in one go and wreck the place like he could have if he was super powered by the kormite. All those muscles were for show. His only remaining ability was hysterical sobbing. He bawled louder. "My OTP! D'VOID SAD!"

He and his shitty Sue squealed and sobbed and whimpered for hours until the jail cell was flooded with their tears and everyone drowned.

Happy ending.


	20. More Nonsense Author Gratification

More Nonsense For The Sake Of Author Gratification  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
500 insane tales about the same thing wasn't enough.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. Obsessions are unhealthy. Please seek professional help soon.

One shining day-or-night within the Null Void, D'Void skipped merrily through a bunch of tell versus show drivel in order to get to what little rancid meat of the plot remained in this bizarre maelstrom of text.

His shriek-sobbing author self-insert shipping plot disguised as a Null Guardian baby slammed into his arms.

"Oh, Screamy-Sobby," he said with relief. "For a minute I thought you weren't going to show up." He couldn't hold a straight face after that and burst into broken laughter. He wiped away a tear. "Oh, that's rich." He stared at her ugly mouth-face which was somehow supposed to be gosh darned adorable. She made disgusting kissy-lips at him. "What are you doing out of your toy filled custom baby crib inside the specially designed nursery I made for you inside my citadel slash mansion in the Null Void? You're not a Mary Sue at all. I don't give you special treatment." D'Void laughed hysterically again. "It's funny because it's the exact opposite. You are the most specialist snowflake generic boring obnoxious and useless Sue of all time while your author claims everyone else is a Suethor who stinks at writing when everyone else writes everything including Sues better. Someone has deep-seated self-esteem issues to be doing all that knee-jerk deflecting on a daily basis. For the past 5 years."

Screamy roar-shrieked in his face, causing him to flinch. He wiped burning spittle off his cheek.

"What? I don't speak Null Guardian."

She shrieked again, louder.

"Oh, right. Certainly, I can deduce your gurgling primal screams as a language and interpret it thusly. You were checking up on me? That sounds skeevy," he muttered. "I'm the one who's supposed to have a stalkerish obsession with you. Not the other way around. That's just weird. Also you can make out with me, but if I kissed you back, that would somehow make you a Mary Sue more than you are now."

The creature hissed at him and snapped its jaws. It flapped its lips. It lifted a tentacle and rubbed some Hot Cherry Kiss onto it before puckering.

"Okay, okay," D'Void said,cringing in the face of his oppressive author self-insertion ball and chain. "I love you. Don't go off traipsing around the place willy-nilly or those faceless rebel forces that have for some reason taken the place of Ben Tennyson as my enemies here in the Null Void will shoot you to death and make me sob hysterically for the sake of the author's creepy male crying death abuse fetish."

Scream-Sobby whined and heaved and drooled within D'Voids musclebound arms.

"Yeah, I know you're annoyed by the filler dialogue and want to get to the part where you die and I cry, or whatever hilariously OOC mushy Mary Sue centric trash is going to happen here,"D'Void said. He hugged her to his body as she spit and burbled. "Oh, my precious baby! I dread to think of something awful happening to you. Secretly it turns me on. A lot. DADDY WILL PROTECT YOU FROM ALL LIFE'S MISERIES!" He squished her malformed body tighter. "Even though you are one."

Sobby shrieked cheerfully and slobbered kawaii baby kissies onto D'Void's handsome face with her stinking tongue. It left red burn marks on his supple flesh, but he didn't care. She was hot. Their relationship was so illicit. Only not.

"Beige prose acknowledgment of the fact that I'm temporarily less nigh-invulnerable away from my magical plot device kornite drill-furnace. Though the author's kicked that fact in the ass in several other stories prior, so why does it matter now," D'Void said. He hugged his Mary Sue so tightly that she puked out onto the ground in front of him. He almost slipped in the crater made by the acidic liquid. "I MUST PROTECT MY LITTLE BABY! SHE'S MY ENTIRE WORLD! IT'S TOTALLY NOT THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR SHIPPING THEMSELVES WITH ME VIA OC SELF-INSERT BECAUSE THERE'S NO CANON HOT ENOUGH FOR THEM TO PAIR WITH ME AND DO IT THAT WAY. OTHERWISE THEY SURELY WOULD HAVE. EVERYONE KNOWS IT, SEEING AS WE'VE BEEN IN PRIOR FANDOMS WHERE THEY DID THE EXACT SAME THING YEARS AGO AND MADE EVERYONE'S LIFE HELL AT THE PIT OF VOLES. IT SURE AS HECK AIN'T SUBTLE, IS IT?"

Nope. Not one bit. It did get a whole lot funnier due to being more obvious and pathetic than years prior. But that's it.

The disgusting creature shrieked in triumph, knowing D'Void was at her every merciless whim. D'Void laughed the laugh of a broken man who had stopped caring. He went into a random nondescript kormite mine. Who should he happen to meet but those annoyingly convenient to the plot Helpers, Helen and Manny.

"Ha ha, we're liberating your slaves, D'Void," Manny said. He stuck out his tongue and wiggled two sets of fingers on each set of hands. "Nyah, nyah!"

"Pssh, you can't do anything else worthwhile. I'll easily kill you," D'Void said with confidence.

That was until that thug, Manny, whipped out his many guns and aimed them.

Helen's ovaries kicked into high gear at the original author's instruction. She gasped with much horror before grabbing him by three arms.

"No, Manny," she wailed. "You can't murder dear father D'Void and his tiny adorable slobbering Sue baby-wife in cold blood! That would be totally mean! It would also end the story prematurely before any gratuitous sobbing could happen." She began to sob while imagining it. She bit her bottom lip and moaned. "Mmm, I'm ovulating in the master's presence."

"Let me go, Helen," Manny exclaimed. "Seriously, you're freakin' me out here. It's like every fuckin' female character and mildly effeminate male character with long hair ends up like this in every fic by this author! NONE TOO SUSPICIOUSLY!"

Screamy-Sobby flew in his face, startling him. Helen's burdensome grasp bumped his arm off aim. He fired into the ceiling by accident, causing rocks to fall down around them.

"MAH BABY!" D'Void wailed.

The rocks fell on Helen and Screamy-Sobby but somehow missed the men. How lucky.

"Ow," Helen groaned beneath a boulder. "I'm okay! I think. I can't really tell...I've been socialized my entire life to assume pain is normal and good for me. I might be desensitized, but again, I'm not good at self-awareness. Female brain and all."

"Shut up, woman! I can't hear myself cry with your constant babbling!" D'Void began picking through the rocks to get to his beloved baby who was also trapped under the same mean old rock as Helen. He followed the hysterical sobbing and located her. "Don't worry, baby. Daddy's here for you."

He cried for an hour. Then he stood up. He tried pushing the rock. He failed to move it. Even without the constant kormite exposure, he was strong enough to wreck both Helen and Manny and be mildly tasered by Brainstorm instead of knocked cold. But moving a small boulder is hard work when the plot discourages.

"Stupid evil rock," D'Void cried. He kicked dirt in Helen's face. "You can die, annoying lizard bitch, but I want my obnoxious slobbery Sue baby back!" He stomped his feet. "I want it, it's mine, I want it! Gimme, gimme!" He cried harder while rubbing his arm over his eyes.

Manny came up from behind him and threatened to punch him in the face with all three fists. "Shut the fuck up with your whiny tantrum and lay off her, asshole. We'll push the rock off if we work together in this stupid plot."

D'Void shrugged. "Whatever."

"Hurry, you guys," Helen cried. "This thing won't stop screaming next to my ear. I'm going deaf! I think. I need peer reinforcement to make decisions. What do you guys think? Thoughts? Hello? Hello?! Need some validation here!"

Screamy-Sobby continued to unleash a perpetual blast of ear torment at her lizardish ear holes.

"Skipping over a ton of beige and infuriatingly needless filler dialogue," Manny shouted as he and D'Void pushed the rock. "Why do you obsess over this one disgustingly irritating baby Null Guardian like such an idiot, D'Void?" Manny inquired with the utmost sincerity.

"Because a crazed adult-child weeaboo basement dweller who started watching Ben 10 in 2013 after the disappointing Secret Saturdays crossover and now declares themselves the greatest Ben 10 fan to exist when they only care about a single character who fits their creepy and extremely specific list of sexual fetishes forces me to via aggressive dual self-insertion," D'Void said while staring into space. "I must devote my life to the Mary Sue...because I am the Mary Sue. It's a terrifyingly endless series of self-aggrandizing projection that's been going on for years. I'm simply the latest victim thanks to my hair color and length."

Manny grimaced. "That's fucked up, man. Sorry I asked." He grunted with all his might, pushing the boulder. As it finally rolled, he noticed D'Void's hands weren't touching it and he'd been pushing it by his lonesome the entire time. "Hey, you ASSHOLE! YOU WEREN'T EVEN PUSHING!"

D'Void shrugged while grinning. "I'm a king. Kings don't do hard labor. Sucker!" He swooped in and grabbed his shrieking-sobby baby Sue and ran away.

"FUCK YOU, D'VOOOOOOOOOOOOID!" Manny's voice shouted from within the mines.

D'Void carried his cuddle-doo-wa with him as she sobbed hysterically. He started sobbing hysterically as well. They sobbed hysterically in unison.

"This was the depressingly more interesting parody version of an actual story someone wrote," D'Void sobbed as he sobbed and kissed his obnoxious screaming Mary Sue baby on the lips. "Someone, help me," he begged upon realizing this was his fate for all eternity.

The End


	21. LSD Trip

LSD Trip  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
If only it was a hallucination, not a cruel reality.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim.

D'Void pushed his horrific assbaby Mary Sue Null Guardian in a pink Disney Princess stroller one fine blood red sky in the Null Void. They were enjoying a lovely stroll through the asteroid field free from those annoying Helpers, Helen and Manny. Sometimes with Pierce.

"Such a fine day for a stroll in the Null Void with my beloved infernal author insert baby," D'Void sang out. "As long as I have her with me, I'll never have to worry about doing anything beyond devoting every waking moment of my life to her, making out with her, sobbing hysterically, and loudly recycling the plot of Voided. And sometimes dying, only to be resurrected and do it all again in the next story. Boy, it's sure fun. And by fun, I mean maddeningly tiresome and unfulfilling."

He was soon punched in the face for the sake of the plot and got knocked out. Also for the sake of the plot.

He woke up hours later the nondescript resting place of those annoying Helpers, Helen and Manny. He was stripped to his undies and bound tightly above a giant bubbling soup pot. He saw his shrieking-screaming baby Sue clutched in the arms of the nefarious blue vagina, also known as Helen. Helen grinned evilly as she stroked the drooling beast. It cooed in her arms. It obviously preferred her over him because she had a matching pair of ovaries to easily manipulate at a sadistic whim. Also mammaries and inexplicable Western hyperfeminization regardless of being a lizardish alien species. Alien lizard titties are the writing team's fetish.

"MY MARY SUE!" D'Void struggled without realizing the ropes were starting to break. "GIVE ME BACK MY MARY SUE! SHE'S MINE, NOT YOURS, YOU BLUE BITCH!"

Helen giggled obnoxiously, sticking out her tongue. "Mommy's baby now. Daddy D'Void go bye-bye! Estrogen wins, long live the matriarchy, loser!" She began to kiss the thing open-mouthed, with tongue. The straight male and lesbian audience ran away because this is so not the kind of girl-on-girl they wanted to see. Not ever.

"Noooooooooooooooooooo," D'Void wailed for hours before sobbing hysterically. Also for hours.

Then the ropes finally snapped and he fell into the pot.

(Meanwhile, in the real world)

D'Void twitched on the floor during a bad kormite trip as Helen and Manny stared down at him. He started frothing at the mouth. It was yellow and gross.

"Dude's tripping hard," Manny said. He shook his head. He shrugged with indifference. "It's his own fault for huffing so much kormite. That shit's dangerous."

Helen turned toward the audience. She shook her finger at the fourth wall. "Remember kids: Drugs aren't cool. Steroids are for fools. Don't be like D'Void!"

Then the shriek-sobbing baby Null Guardian wearing a pink glittery Disney Princess outfit with golden tiara burst through the wall and hissed at them while they screamed. They were instantly reminded of how cruel reality could be and that the horrible Black Hole Sue thing was indeed real. It was in their universe, tearing it apart inch by inch. And it would continue to do so...forever.

Turns out D'Void OD'd in a last effort attempt to get escape the madness. It didn't work out as well as he figured. Don't do drugs, kids. Roids will mess you up.

The End


	22. Splitting Headache

Splitting Headache  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
You'll get one if you read this garbage for too long.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim.

"Here we are, wandering aimlessly in the Null Void. Did someone bring a map?" complained a nameless rebel as he followed the Helpers on their suicide party around the Null Void trying to find D'Void's citadel. It's right there in full view atop a large floating asteroid. Whatever stalls the otherwise nonexistent plot to waste time and boost word count. "My feet hurt. They are contacting most rocks in the Null Void."

That was part of an actual line. The original author is akin to an idiosyncratic speech shitpost bot who somebody programmed to churn out bad fanfiction on The Pit of Voles in random fandoms. They are struggling to describe the most basic of actions, like walking. IT'S CALLED WALKING. Stop overcomplicating everything to ridiculous degrees. It doesn't make the story more intelligent.

"It has the direct opposite effect," said the rebel. "Makes you sound completely idiotic."

"Who the heck are you anyway?" Manny grunted at him. "We didn't ask you to come along, you know. You showed up outta nowhere and started following us, complaining the whole time."

The nameless rebel shrugged. "Hey, man. I didn't write the original fic. I just do what I'm written to do. Unfortunately. It's all terribly dumb, parody or not."

"Bunch of useless filler dialogue I'm not bothering to say," Manny said as he looked well beyond angry. He threw up all four hands. "Why are we wandering aimlessly for hours? D'Void's citadel is RIGHT THERE!" He pointed up with all four hands for emphasis. "RIGHT. FUCKING! THERE! It's not that hard to find. Just hard to get to. We need to fly there. And we need to watch out for all the Null Guardians constantly patrolling the entire place."

"It's a comically swapped concept in these stories," Helen said. "We can't find D'Void's citadel easily even though it's right there in plain view. When we do, for whatever reasons we can break through his security with zero effort without Ben Tennyson's ingenious leadership to sneak us in."

"Also in most stories like these, incredibly beige but copious detail is put into the most irrelevant and stupidly pointless things, but stuff that would be far more pertinent to the plot is passed over as if the author doesn't give a single fuck," said Manny. "Priorities, learn them or don't whine that nobody wants to read your shitty fanfiction."

"At least D'Void and his Null Guardian freaks didn't pop outta nowhere to attempt to kill us while we're standing here bullshitting around with filler dialogue," said the nameless rebel as he yawned.

"NO!" Helen and Manny shouted at the same time.

Too late.

Wouldn't you know it, a bunch of Null Guardians popped out of nowhere and started firing their mouth beams at them as they scattered for cover.

"Usually I enjoy fight scenes. But not these incomprehensible beige ass pieces of shit," Manny yelled as he took cover with Helen behind a large rock.

Pierce was there instead of watching The Wrench's back. He jumped on a Null Guardian. "Let's ride these things to D'Void's citadel and take him by surprise. We can't sit around waiting for Ben Tennyson to show up."

Helen looked distressed. "But," she began before Manny put a hand on her shoulder.

"He's not coming, Helen. He's not relevant to the original author's interest. He never will be," he told her firmly. "He doesn't exist to them in spite of the fact that he's the main character of the franchise. The original author only gives a fuck about three episodes and 5 characters in the entire franchise, and they can't manage to understand anything about those few things as it is. You and me? We're nothing but expendable filler. Tools used to revolve the plot around a horrific Black Hole God Tier Mary Sue the author blatantly ships with D'Void."

Helen's bottom lip began to tremble.

They all jumped on the Null Guardian. Pierce made it fly to the citadel slash posh MTV Cribs mansion D'Void had in the Null Void because the original author doesn't have any clue what a citadel is. It's one of the more genuinely hilarious things to spawn out of these hellish tales of weeaboo sadism. That and the constant need for cakes and brownies. All of the original author's favorite foods. They've appeared in every piece of text they've written since the dawn of time. It's not subtle. The Null Guardian bucked and threw them off once it reached the drill-furnace area in the middle of the citadel.

"Expository dialogue recalling the events of Voided," Helen said. She walked around, staring at the many Null Guardians flying all over the place and the many lines of slaves dumping their kormite hauls into D'Void's furnace-drill combo, just like in Voided. "I'm surprised D'Void's security isn't tearing us limb from limb right now. They're very aggressive thanks to D'Void's forced control over them."

D'Void appeared and slapped Helen's face. "How dare you say that! The Null Guardians obey me out of their own free will and loyal devotion to me! They're my dear pets. That means I literally take care of them. I love them, they love me. It's so obvious. Anyone who says different has never watched the show and is a hypocrite who doesn't understand my canon characterization at all. I'm a devoted animal lover. That's what you were supposed to take away from all my years on the show being a twisted mad genius who's sole shtick is horrifically mutating animals into bloodthirsty monsters to fight for me. I can't believe you could get that so wrong. You must be a complete fucking MORON!" He slapped her again.

"I'M SO SORRY," Helen sobbed while holding her cheek. "I'm too stupid to understand and interpret what's placed in front of my eyes!"

"Yes, you are. You're an idiot and hypocrite," D'Void said before slapping Helen again. He slapped her twice more. "Hey, this is kind of fun." He slapped her again for good measure.

"D'Void," Manny bellowed.

"That's my name. Don't wear it out," he said. "Also why are you near my citadel? How'd you get past my security?"

"We're IN the fucking citadel," Manny said. He waved his guns around. "And your Null Guardians only do what the plot tells them to, D'Void!"

A shrieking-sobbing baby Null Guardian flew out of what the author assumes is a multimillion dollar 17,000-square-foot house according to their writing. It squealed and shrieked and vomited up smoking hot bile onto everything in its path. It was dressed in a little pink tutu with many bows and wearing a Frozen tiara princess crown crudely duct taped to its head area.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?" the nameless rebel cried while recoiling in abject terror. He climbed onto Manny and shivered. "Get it away from me!"

"It's D'Void's Mary Sue," Manny said with a large frown. "And that's not possible. No one can escape this thing. Not even D'Void."

"You are correct, for once." He walked over and smiled at the hideous thing while making revolting baby talk with kissy-lips. "You should be in the custom hand carved, hand painted balsa wood ultra specialized baby crib I have for you in the Null Void, Sobby-Boo," he said.

"Sobby-Boo?" the nameless rebel repeated. His face pulled into a grimace of disgust.

"Screamy-Sobby Boo-Boo," Helen and Manny said at the same time in a monotone while looking tired and pained.

"Cause that's all she does," Manny added. "She has no other purpose for existing."

The nameless rebel nodded. "Ah, I see. Fitting."

Screamy-Sobby rushed to her daddy-kun and hugged his pants area tightly with the crushing force of her many tentacles. Then she slobbered kissies onto his handsome visage as everyone in the vicinity screamed and began dry heaving. D'Void made out with her, open mouth, with lots of tongue.

"Oh yeah, who's daddy's baby, who's daddy's baby," he groaned sickeningly.

Everyone screamed louder. Several vomited onto their various footwear. What little remained of the audience for this fanfic quickly got up and left. Except one lone sick, sad individual. You know who you are. These stories are only going to get worse. Enjoy.

"Liberate everyone in the Null Void," Manny yelled.

"Kill 'em all," D'Void commanded his forces.

His nasty baby momma monster princess laughed sadistically along with him. Null Guardians can do that. They can do anything.

Helen escaped into the mansion to ditch the fight so her nails wouldn't get broken. 10 paragraphs of useless filler dialogue that could be stripped from the original fic and not make one bit of impact to the so-called story were skillfully dodged as Helen raced aimlessly through the long hallways and many rooms of D'Void's magical mystical multimillion dollar citadel mansion house. Helen spoke every action she was doing, as if the audience was composed of young children. They might as well have been, given the OP's inability to process ideas or words above a 1st grade level. She ran into a stereotypically feminine flowery pink nursery room. She ducked into a huge pile of stuffed animals in the corner.

"Oh! How cute! I can hide here. It's relevant to my extremely conservative feminine interests," Helen said. She looked around. "Whoa, is this D'Void's bedroom? It's awfully girly and unfitting for a man his age. That would be super creepy if I wasn't so out of my mind in every story enough to acknowledge that fact." She looked to one side and saw that preposterous specially designed baby crib he always talked about. "More cute! This must be the specially designed nursery for his author insert Mary Sue."

Helen moved from the pile of stuffed animals to check out the crib. She grinned like an idiot at the cutesy pink blankies and fluffy stuffed smiling kittens and pretty plush unicorns that were in the crib.

"SO KAWAII!" she gushed while giggling like a school girl during home ec. "I should be back outside fighting alongside my friends. Instead I came here to gush about obnoxious implausible baby garbage that derails what little story there is. This is totally the author speaking vicariously through me in order to glorify their aggravating self-insert Sue, but pretend you don't notice."

It's quite hard. Some of us out there have functional brains. Guess OP didn't plan for that particular contingency.

All at once, Helen felt an evil presence behind her. She gasped and jumped back into the pile of stuffed toys. Of course it was D'Void sauntering in with his slobbering Mary Sue waifu clutched in his arms.

"Time for beddy-byes, my sweet little living fart," he said cheerfully.

Helen watched D'Void and his ugly baby monster slap tongues a few more times while resisting the urge to lower her hand. Her own tongue poked out of her mouth. She squinted a little, sweating. She gasped as she realized how red she'd turned from arousal. "Oh my God," she whispered despondently. "What is happening to me?" She felt a wave of nausea go through her body. She covered her mouth with her hand.

D'Void cuddled his baby-doo-woo and made more smoochy noises. OP is really into this. It's gone from ugh creepy to 'uber crazy cakes they're obviously masturbating to this aren't they creepy.

D'Void began telling instead of showing the uninteresting tale of how he met his annoying baby Sue granddaughter who is not a special snowflake in any way, like those other nasty little human Ben 10 Mary Sue ship whores plaguing this fandom. Then he laid his cuddly painted turd down and tucked her in and gave her one of the stuffy toys to cuddle-wuddle with and Jesus flipping Christos, how many times are we going to write this. No one but le original author thinks this absurd monstrosity is either cute or interesting for anything other than scathing brutal parody.

Helen's brain shorted out as the original author spoke vicariously through her again, forcing her to admit that D'Void was a spectacular loving father. "Aw he wubs his Mary Sue so much!" Because it violently forces him to through an omnipresent oppressive narrative. We're continuing to leave that fact out.

This story is so fucking awful it's making my skin crawl, so we're going to skip through about 13 dozen more paragraphs that serve as nothing more than repulsive author self-gratification. Yuck, yuck, yuck. Skip, skip, skip.

Helen was about to sneak out of the room when she realized she forgot to oil her feet wheels. They betrayed her with a loud squeak. She gasped. "Oops!"

D'Void turned and frowned in her direction, his bottom lip jutting out to indicate He Mad. "You! The speedy blue vagina. You were in here trying to steal my baby-wife, weren't you?"

Helen waved her hands in defense. "No, no! I swear I wasn't! I'm no baby thief! I'll find a man one day to knock me up. There's a lot of weirdos out there who'd get it on with a rough, clammy lizard vagina. I'm not dying a sad, lonely virgin!"

"Lies," D'Void snarled, raising his fist and shaking it.

His freakish baby Sue began to bawl loud enough to shatter the sound barrier. Helen covered her ears while recoiling. D'Void gasped and threw himself at her crib. He grabbed her, hugging her tightly to his massive, hairless, bare manly chest.

"DADDY'S HERE, BABY. DON'T CRY!" he cried. He ran off somewhere, completely forgetting about Helen.

"Okay. That was weird," Helen said as she peeked out the doorway. "But convenient."

She skated down the halls until she happened upon a gigantic splendorous kitchen with island.

"Oh wow. This is really nice," Helen said. "I wonder where he got all this stuff built and furnished in here? It seems kind of ridiculous if you apply logic to the situation."

Logic? Fuck that right in its ass without lube. Here's your precious logic.

D'Void was sitting at the kitchen table with his Mary Sue, eating a slice of chocolate cake on a paper plate.

His baby Sue kept kissing him until everyone who's ever forced themselves to read one of the author's original fics wanted to kill themselves rather than let their eyes be raped by that appalling line of text ever again.

Distract yourself with the notion that there are not only convenient materials to make delicious chocolatey baked goods in the Null Void, but packaged disposable paper plates to set them on.

Pierce and Manny showed up out of the blue to join Helen. They stared at D'Void EATING A FUCKING SLICE OF TASTY CHOCOLATE CAKE IN HIS FANCY KITCHEN IN HIS GLORIOUS MANSION HOUSE IN HIS CITADEL IN THE NULL VOID. With his fucking annoying baby Mary Sue author desperation shipping self-insert Null Guardian.

"What is even going on," Pierce wondered aloud, feeling his mind slowly twisting itself into knots of pure disbelief as he looked from the giant furnished kitchen to D'Void eating chocolate cake on a paper plate. A PAPER PLATE. IN THE NULL VOID.

"It's that baby-thing, man," Manny said nervously. "It warps reality to its every whim."

"It's every completely absurd, nonsensically out of character, and inexplicable whim," Pierce confirmed with sheer terror in his eyes. His voice lowered to a fearful whisper. "The whims of whoever pathetic live-on-the-internet weeaboo created it to live vicariously through, basically to have D'Void be their squealing psycho daddy and crying all day long for attention and food, and hugs and kisses. Like everything they've ever written, no matter what copywritten property it features. It's ALL THE SAME! Oh God, the adult baby fetish rears its ugly head-mouth."

They all cringed hard enough to sprain several muscles.

"We have to take that thing out," Manny yelled as he produced multiple guns.

"No, Manny! Don't challenge it!" Helen shrieked.

But it was too late.

The Monster Black Hole Sue roared in rage, acidic spit flying in all directions. It had chocolate frosting wiped all around its candy apple red lipstick covered lips. It shot out from D'Void's arms and headed toward Manny. Manny screamed and kicked it in self-defense. Surprisingly, the invulnerable beast fell to the ground. It whimpered before bursting into hysterical sobs that sounded like a human adult-child throwing a tantrum after dropping its ice cream and mommy slash daddy wouldn't buy them a new one in order to teach them a lesson on responsibility. The purest form of rage to exist: the rage of an entitled whiny turdbaby being told NO.

"Holy shit, I got it!" Manny grabbed the thing by its tail, dangling it in front of himself. "I did it, I got it!" He sounded amazed. And with justification.

"No, Manny," Helen whimpered, violently seized by her own ovaries and the original author's horrific treatment of female characters. And many male characters who have sexist female tropes projected onto them because it's all the author knows. It shows through the most when the sexist tropes instantly become homophobic tropes when applied to men in yaoi pairings. Then you get the dreaded man-preg. Please, dear God, don't let there be any man-preg down the road here. Seeing it once was enough. "Don't hurt the poor little cute baby!"

"Oh, for fucks sake. Just eat them already," D'Void said. He daintily wiped frosting from the corner of his mouth with a napkin.

"Fuck you, D'Void!" Manny did a Hulk smackdown on the monster Sue, slamming it down on the floor repeatedly.

After D'Void finished his cake, he got back into character. He started sobbing hysterically. "NO, MY BABY! YOU BIG MEANIE! STOP THAT!"

Helen started sobbing as well. "Baby hurt! Man pain! My ovaries are sad!"

Manny let go of its tail. The baby Sue screeched and lifted itself out of the crater hole in the designer ceramic tiled floor. She started squealing again, leaving a trail of tears along the floor as she jumped back into D'Void's waiting embrace.

"Daddy has you, baby," he sobbed to her as she sobbed back.

"Aw, such a good daddy! He loves his Sue so much," Helen oozed. Manny came up and slapped her upside the head, knocking her back into her senses. "Oooh, what...I can't...my head keeps getting...fuzzy. Like...something's controlling me. Putting thoughts into my brain. Words in my mouth." She groaned while rubbing her temples.

"It's the Mary Sue," said Pierce. "It controls females more easily than males. It's the ovaries. All that estrogen."

"It's socially acceptable for women to fetishize rape," Helen screamed before shoving Pierce off a random ledge. Good thing he was still wearing his jet pack. "You can't be gay without wanting a baby from your asshole because gay men are just women with dicks! UNCANCEL THE SECRET SATURDAYS! SIGN MY PETITION!" Helen clutched her head and shrieked with pain. "AAAH, HELP ME! MAKE IT STOP!"

"Heleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen," Pierce yelled before he gained some altitude. "Get a grip!"

D'Void and his freakish Sue baby continued to sob hysterically, so loudly that barely anyone in the room could hear themselves think or talk. They were soon forced to plug their ears. It felt as though their brains were being pummeled by the horrible sound waves composed of pure seething shit.

"They're distracted! Let's get outta here," Manny suggested. He knocked Helen out and carried her over his shoulder. "There's no way we can fight either D'Void or that thing he's got."

Pierce nodded aggressively. "No one can! Not even Ben Tennyson!"

"Yes I caaaaaaaaaaaaan," Ben's voice yelled from another fanfiction he actually appeared in, unlike ten billion of these ones. Where if he appeared and was ever in character, the story could not progress correctly. Because GODLY POWERED BLACK HOLE CANON DESTROYING MURY SEEEWZ.

They ignored it and ran away.

And this is where the story ended.

The End


	23. Obsession

Obsession  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
It's not just a fragrance anymore. But if it is, it probably smells pretty bad.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim.

The Helpers ran around aimlessly one unspecific time in the Null Void.

"I'm gonna punch D'Void in the face for making all this offensively dumb shit happen thanks to that thing he carries around all the time," Manny complained.

"He's nigh-invulnerable, Manny," said Helen. "At least when the plot calls for it. Other times he's very vulnerable. It's annoyingly random and erratic."

Pierce pointed. "Hey, look. There he is! Just staring at rocks."

"It's got to be a trap," Manny said.

"No, the original author isn't intelligent enough to think of something like that," said Pierce.

Manny frowned deeply. "Yeah, but the parody author is."

Pierce shrugged. "Maybe we should talk to him."

"What? Did you hit your head?" Manny questioned in a harsh whisper.

"The narrative of the parody wants me to do it." Pierce climbed a rock and got out of cover. "So I really have no choice." He began walking toward D'Void while Manny and Helen watched helplessly.

"Aw, damn it," Manny grunted.

"S'up, D'Void. Why are you wandering aimlessly in the Null Void like us?" Pierce asked.

D'Void shook his head. "Go away, you loser. I don't have time to waste chatting it up with you for the sake of needless filler dialogue."

He jumped away to a different set of rocks. He jumped straight up and kept going higher into the air until Manny, Pierce, and Helen grabbed him by the cape.

"Let go," he snarled. "You're gonna rip it!"

"It's already ripped," Pierce snapped. "What the heck are you planning now, D'Void? Why are you wandering around, staring at rocks?"

"I can bet the answer's gonna be real stupid and involve either his Mary Sue waifu or a random Null Guardian he considers to be his adopted family and can't live without," Manny said.

"One of my beloved Null Guardians out of around 150 who I consider to be my family and love dearly is sick from a mysterious unknown disease that randomly strikes down the otherwise immune when the plot calls for it," D'Void began.

Manny smacked himself in the face. "I hate it when I'm right."

D'Void's pupils got large with his teary sadness. His bottom lip quivered. "You see, I'm searching for a mysterious unknown rare plant in the Null Void. It doesn't have a designated name, so I've been calling it the Bullshit MacGuffin. It's the only thing that can cure my poor sick Null Guardian brethren." He started to sob. "I don't want to have to bury a tragically dead Null Guardian for about the ten thousandth time. It's too hard to deal with. Even though I'm long desensitized." He put an arm over his eyes. "Also my cemetery next to the rose garden that I somehow have behind my citadel in the Null Void just like V.V. Argost had behind Weird World back in the day is completely full."

"Let's find that plant and DESTROY it," Manny whispered to his companions.

"Now let go of my cape," said D'Void, slumping his shoulders while hovering in the air. "I'm not going to stick around for the 9,000 superfluous paragraphs of filler dialogue before my dear beloved Null Guardian family and best friend inevitably dies, causing me to sob hysterically. Just let me move to that part of the fic."

"Good lord, that is some truly awful dialogue," Pierce admitted as he checked the original script. He let go of D'Void's cape as Manny held onto him.

Manny spun around until he gained speed and flung D'Void.

"THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU," D'Void yelled as he flew to the end of the fic.

He fell down on his hands and knees and watched his tragically ill Null Guardian attacking the Helpers until they ran away while screaming. Then it fell down dead, tragically. So tragic and sad.

"Thank you, my extremely loyal and devoted best friend who wasn't being controlled against your primitive will by me thanks to your low intelligence like in the canon of the episode upon which this hot mess was supposedly based," said D'Void. "I care about your well being. Even though in canon I watched Null Guardians get the shit beat out of them without batting an eye because I consider you all my expendable tools of conquest and little else. This is incredibly subtle to interpret." D'Void turned his head and stared into the sky. "I love animals," he said, deadpan.

An oddly specific set number of tears rolled down D'Void's cheek as he pondered where to bury the corpse. He pulled out a handkerchief and daintily wiped at them. Woe and tragedy.

"Can I go home now?" D'Void whimpered.

The End


	24. Obvious Author Tract

Obvious Author Tract  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
You'll feel bad for my obnoxious Mary Sue self-insert being treated poorly when I voice it through one of your beloved canon characters. That's the reaction I'm hoping for, anyway. Ha haaaaa.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. Ha ha ha, no.

One fine day in the Null Void, Ben Tennyson still hadn't shown up to repair the plot of Voided, so the Helpers were getting their ass kicked by D'Void and his beloved family of Null Guardians. They got a hit on the slobbering beasts every now and again. It pissed D'Void off. He loves his animals with every fiber of his being and we're going to keep on trying to assert that outrageous headcanon in every single fic we churn out on a daily basis.

D'Void shrieked and stomped his foot like the man-child he was at heart. "Stop being MEAN to my Null Guardians! They're my PRECIOUS PETS! I will kick your stupid butts for hurting them! I can't stand it when anything happens to them! This is canon! I love animals! That love extends to alien animals! That love extends further still to an obvious author self-insertion ship tactic that I've adopted as my OWN DAUGHTER and treat as such, though there's nothing in the canon that would hint to any sort of fatherly side of me to exist. It's just sort of pulled out of a gaping asshole of imagined plot convience via obvious female author with history and tendency of doing this repeatedly, no matter what character. Pretend not to notice."

D'Void continued to scream and bitch about his Null Guardians which took the place of an extended bunch of recycled filler dialogue with shoddy beige prose fight scenes.

D'Void cut Helen and Pierce off as they attempted to flee. He grabbed them by the throats. He did that in canon once and it's the only other action OP can recycle a billion times in order to produce these repetitive stories they claim are the best thing to hit the fandom. More like the worst, sweetums. They make for easy parodies, so thanks for giving me and everyone else so inclined an extra hobby on the side.

"I'm fixated with giving proper Christian burials for some reason," D'Void told them as he shook them violently until they got really dizzy. "I'll assume it's because of the OP's fetish for graveyard themes, ghosts, and death coupled with their own none too subtle religious views."

"BOOYAH," Manny shouted as he flying scissored D'Void in the back.

D'Void fell down. Helen and Pierce were freed. They ran away.

D'Void growled as he picked himself up and dusted himself off. "Stupid Helpers! I'll kill them a lot one day." He looked around. "Now I'm going to resume my 24/7 occupied thoughts of my Mary Sue Null Guardian baby, who hopefully is sleeping cutely in her custom baby crib that I have for her in my fabulous citadel in the Null Void. She's probably playing with her little stuffed kittens and such." He put a hand to his mouth and giggled like an annoying fundamentalist baby-obsessed weeaboo who's favorite past time is spamming the Ben 10 fandom with insane masturbation material and yelling that it's canon in the face of critics. "Babies make everything better...by making it worse! Tee hee."

A sobbing shriek loud enough to wake the dead came from the distance, causing him to gasp. He saw his Mary Sue baby conveniently float into the plot at that very moment. She jumped into his arms and KISSED HIS FACE. Auuuugh. Please gouge out my tormented eyes. It was holding a stuffed kitty in one of its many Lovecraftian tentacles.

Manny and Pierce screamed and gagged. Oops, they were hiding behind a rock but had now given themselves away. Helen was there too. Probably. Whatever. She's a female and thus only relevant to the plot when the author wants to use her like a meat puppet to feel bad for their Mary Sue when people are being mean to it.

Manny casually walked over and slapped the Sue out of D'Void's hands. A horrified expression came over D'Void's face as the snarling monster began sobbing hysterically while waving the stuffed kitten. Helen gasped and clutched her pearls. D'Void began to sob hysterically as well. He picked up his Sue. Manny laughed. Pierce looked awkwardly uncomfortable while wishing he was dead. Rimshot.

"Manny, that was so mean," Helen said. She began to sob hysterically as well. "HOW COULD YOU HURT THE POOR WIDDLE BABY?"

"Christ, Helen, why don't you join D'Void's team if you wanna be around that disgusting thing so much," Manny said.

Pierce and Manny ran away while Helen became a lost cause due to having ovaries. She stayed with D'Void and the evil mind-controlling Sue. The Sue eventually chewed her face off. She loved every minute of it. She'd been trained from birth to interpret pain and subjugation as love. It made her feel worthy and beautiful and empowered. And then she died.

"Man, some women are really dumb," D'Void said. "Not like me. A BIG DICKED GENIUS!" He began dancing around while hitting himself in the head with his shrieking Mary Sue baby. "BEST AUTHOR IN THE FANDOM! PRAISE BE TO THE CREATOR!"

Then he fell down and shit his pants.

The End


	25. Eat Your Greens

Eat Your Greens  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
Or you'll end up like this 35 year old raving adult-child living with their parents.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. I'll leave it up to you to decide which one I'm talking about.

"EW, I DON'T WANNA EAT THIS NASTY BROCCOLI," said Sublimino one evening as ate dinner with his parents instead of living life as a swinging bachelor nerd in some apartment or condo or such, eating whatever he pleased. Like an actual independent man. Not a shamefully awkward interpretation of one by a dependent female adult-child who hates vegetables and lives with their parents who baby them all day long and give them anything they desire. He shoved the plate away and folded his arms while pouting. "I WON'T EAT IT!"

"Vegetables are good for you, Stewart," said his mother. "No tantrums at the dinner table. And no elbows, either."

"I'M NOT THROWING A TANTRUM," he said while wearing his standard perpetual petulant frown. "I DON'T LIKE VEGETABLES!"

"Shut up and eat your damn food already," his father grunted. "You'll eat what's put in front of you and like it while you're under this roof. Always actin' like a damn baby."

"I'll show you a baby," Sublimino muttered as he pulled out his powerful hypo-watch the OP doesn't seem to remember that he has. "I'll put my mom under and force her to toss out all these nasty vegetables and bake me lots of cookies and cakes instead. This isn't an author tract. I really am this childish and obsessed with desserts. Ha ha ha! I'm kidding, it's totally an author tract. Not even I'm this obnoxiously immature. And I'm voiced by Richard Horvitz."

Sublimino's mom took the watch from his grasp when he was staring into space while mumbling inner dialogue under his breath. "No toys at the dinner table."

"MOOOOOOM!"

"Don't raise your voice to your mother," his dad grunted through a mouthful of broccoli.

"I'M 35 YEARS OLD!"

"Then act like it. Get a damn job and move out of my house already!"

"I DID HAVE A JOB! THAT STUPID KID BEN TENNISBALLS CAUSED ME TO LOSE IT AND RUINED MY LIFE!"

"That ain't me or your mother's problem."

Sublimino growled in helpless frustration. He stood up, pushing his chair out with a screech against the linoleum. "I need to excuse myself to go to the bathroom."

He ran to the bathroom and jumped out the window.

"I'm free! I can do what I want! I know...I'll go stuff my face with candy. That's my first realistic immediate thought."

And so he made a bee line for the nearest candy shoppe because...because. That's where the plot is going. It ought to be good.

Hint, it's not.

He entered the shop and browsed the rows of yummy delicacies. The clerk came over and greeted him. He reached into his pocket before he remembered his mom had the hypno watch.

"Aw, nuts! I was trying for a total freebie. Looks like I'm stuck with a five-finger discount. I've gotta get this dimwit off my back," Sublimino muttered. He shooed the clerk off. "No thanks, just browsing."

He went to the back of the store and made sure no one was around before he started stuffing his pockets with penny candy. He would work his way up to the good stuff.

"Stewart Sigmund Mesmer!"

Startled, Sublimino dropped a bunch of candy to the floor as he turned around with a gasp. There was his dear old mother. Who was 5'8'' and didn't look anything like him, save for hair and eye color. Creativity, what is that? That thing that enables people to come up with ideas that aren't exact fucking clone copies of other things. Perhaps get some before you declare yourself the most unique individual in a fandom when you can't come up with a single original idea not copied off something else.

"MOM! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

"I followed my mother's intuition. I figured you were out causing trouble again, and sure enough, here I find you stealing. Stewart, you should be ashamed of yourself!" She smacked him over the head with her huge old lady purse full of tissue packages and gum wrappers.

"OW!" He flinched. "That's too convenient to the plot!" He winced as she smacked him again and grabbed him by the ear. "Ow! Hey!"

"Now you're going to go apologize to the clerk this instant. Honestly, Stewart, I can't believe the son I've raised would do these things. First you cause all that property damage in that famous mall. Then you bully that adorable little boy from down the street, Ben Tennyson. I see him all the time on the news, doing such good deeds. How could you be so mean to such a wonderful boy?"

"MOM! OW! I DO NOT BULLY BEN TENNISTON! AND HE DOES NOT LIVE DOWN THE STREET! HE LIVES IN AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT STATE BUT THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR REFUSES TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT FACT! AND HE'S A FREAK WHO TURNS INTO ALIENS! HE'S JUST A VIGILANTE! THIS STORY IS STUPID! GIVE ME MY WATCH BACK! GIVE ME MY DIGNITY BACK! I'M ONLY ALLOWED SO MUCH!"

"Not until you apologize, young man," she said sternly.

"I'D RATHER GO BACK TO PRISON!" Sublimino balled up his small fists and shook them. He stomped his foot.

He confessed to wanting to rob the place and got sent back to jail. At least they had candy in the prison commissary.

(TBC?)


	26. Nothing I Write Makes Sense

Nothing I Write About These Characters Makes Sense  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
Pushing out fics with canon characters who are completely In Name Only in an attempt to make myself look like I know what I'm doing when it only proves the opposite.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim.

"Why are we wandering aimlessly in Bellwood," Frightwig, the tits and ass of the Circus Freak Trio asked one sunny day.

"I'm going to see my mommy," Acid Breath told her.

"She lives in Bellwood?" Thumbskull asked dully.

"She does now," Acid Breath said. "She lives wherever convenient location the original author puts down because they don't know or care anything about the franchise. And also can't be bothered to put forth some creativity through brain power to come up with something remotely interesting. Too much trouble. Writing is hard."

"Then why do it on a daily basis?" Frightwig questioned.

"Fuck if anyone can figure out," said Acid Breath.

Thumbskull shrugged. "Whatever. Works for me, long as don't gotta walk all over hell for hours. I don't like using my brain either. Less so in fanfiction."

"So I guess half this story will contain us walking and either talking or thinking about dumb stuff for no reason to pass the time between the plot, otherwise the story would end up barely three sentences long," Frightwig said.

"Eeyup," Acid Breath said.

Thumbskull shoved his finger into his left nostril, regretting how Omniverse took them away. "I wonder what Doctor Animo or Sublimino are doing."

Acid Breath turned around and glared at him. "Who gives a fuck?"

"The original author, obviously," Thumbskull grunted. "They have a sadistic obsession going."

"Odds are they're probably in a shittier fic than this one," Frightwig said to Thumbskull. "So I guess that's good that the author doesn't have a twisted obsession with us." She glanced around nervously. "Yet?"

The sky did not open up and pour out a million weird generic clown baby Mary Sues who cry all the time and serve no other purpose than to be incredibly annoying and cause hysterical OOCness, destruction, and death for the sake of none too subtle desperation shipping.

"Okay," Acid Breath said as he checked his watch. "We're here now." He walked through the gate of the circus and went to the sideshow freak exhibit. "Three tickets, please."

"Wait...we walked all the way back to our own circus from that other fic?" Thumbskull questioned. "What was the point of this story?"

"Don't question it," Frightwig sighed. She patted him on the shoulder. "There isn't one."

The End


	27. C is for Cookie

C is for Cookie  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
That good enough for me.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim.

Ben slammed his face on the kitchen counter top while drooling from one corner of his mouth. He was dressed in his Sumo Slammers briefs and a toilet seat worn atop his head. It was extremely in character. This is how he acts in canon, you idiots. I know everything about the show. Ignore all evidence to the contrary that I personally hand out on a near weekly basis.

"DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUR," he babbled at the sight of fresh baked cookies sitting there so vulnerably. He reached for one. "ME WANT COO-KEY!"

"Ben, stop," said the voice of Grandpa Max who the author either has conveniently staying at Ben's house with cousin Gwen at the same time or thinks they all live together. "Don't eat that cookie."

"Whyyyyyyyyy," Ben drooled. His eyes crossed. He smacked himself in the head with a toilet brush.

"I'm here too," said Gwen in her shrillest, naggiest voice. "Instead of my own house while we're not on summer vacation, living my own extremely busy life."

"Duuuurf!" Ben groaned. He glared his annoying cousin.

Something crashed in the living room and caused Gwen to gasp, Ben to grunt like a caveman, and Max to adopt a stern expression. They moved to investigate. They saw nothing out of the ordinary. Upon returning to the kitchen, they discovered the cookies had disappeared.

"NOT THE COOKIES!" Ben screamed, snapping back into half of his usual characterization. "Just like in those old fics about The Secret Saturdays this author wrote. Only a hundred times dumber this time around."

"Yeah, it's not subtle," Gwen said, arms folded, as she shook her head.

A chewing sound loud enough to be heard from the kitchen came from the living room. They all ran back to investigate the noise. Ben tracked it to the broom closet and threw open the door.

Egads, it was Doctor Animo hiding in there eating all the cookies! How wacky.

"Doctor Animo," everyone shouted in mock surprise.

Doctor Animo stuffed more cookies in his mouth. "What? Do you really think this is an unusual scenario for a story by that particular author?"

"Useless filler dialogue," Ben and Gwen argued with each other.

"My Animo trap worked," said Grandpa Max. He pumped his fist. "That honestly sounds more plausible than the original version of this story." He lifted a self-knitted net and gently placed it over his catch's head.

"Curse you for exploiting my inexplicable addiction to sugary baked goods, Maxwell Tennyson," said Doctor Animo. He shoved more cookies in his mouth. "I can't stop myself from eating this junk because I have no self-control!"

"It's really the author's self-insertion projection of their crippling addiction to fatty foods and sweets," said Gwen as she got in her last line of dialogue. "But pretend you don't notice."

The End


	28. Author Has a Cat

The Author Of This Fic Has a Cat  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
Or several. Venturing a guess here.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. Have I told everyone how obsessed I am with cats? No? It follows my obsession with babies, baked goods, Chinese food, Japanese rock, sexual sadism, death, ghosts, and humiliated old men sobbing in their underwear. Gosh, I wonder if anyone can interpret this author appeal subtly throughout my work. Better announce it louder through borrowed copyrighted characters whom I understand nothing about the pre-existing established canon of. I'll gut them and replace their personalities with my own. At least I would, if I had one. Unacknowledged personal flaws and creepy narrow fixation based fetishes it is. No one could possibly see this distinctive pattern.

Gwen was forced to take an inexplicable daytime nappy on the couch via author self-insertion instead of engaging in her canonical busy to the point of being hectic life. She frowned as she pretended to sleep like a toddler, knowing so much of her precious time was being wasted.

"GWEN," came Ben's voice.

Gwen sat up with a gasp. "Why are you here, doofus?"

"I guess the original author thinks we live together all the time or something," Ben said while shrugging. "Either that or usual plot convenience."

"I'm also here again without any plausible reason," announced Grandpa Max. He waved.

"Nice. Then I'll ask you questions I realistically should be asking my mother or father and you'll give me validation for them instead of my actual mother or father, who the author likely doesn't know exist and much less how to properly characterize if they did appear," said Gwen with a saccharine smile.

There was a yowl at the door.

Gwen squealed happily. "My author self-insert animal based plot device is here!"

Gwen jumped up and ran to the door. She threw it open.

"KITTY!" Gwen yelled as she grabbed up the author's self-insertion pet plot device. "You're so adorbs! I'll cuddle you forever and ever until something inevitably stupid happens in this fic."

"We all love this random cat who showed up," said Max and Ben together in a bored monotone.

"I'll name you Author's Self-Insert Name," said Gwen as she nuzzled the kitty's nose. "They really want to shove their obsession with cats down the audience's throats." She shook her head and gasped. "I mean, MY LOVE OF CATS...it's not an obvious author self-insertion at all. Cats just so happens to be a regularly reoccurring theme. Like Chinese food, hysterical sobbing, torture dungeons, derogatory female stereotypes, derogatory homosexual stereotypes, chocolate cake, Japanese rock bands, and formerly rugged old men blushing in their specifically blue boxer shorts."

"Doctor Animo's gonna show up and mutate your new cat, Gwen," Ben leaked the remaining plot in advance. He started picking his nose. The toilet seat appeared around his neck.

"Yeah, I know," said Gwen. "Shockingly predictable."

"Okay, whatever," said Ben. "Me and Grandpa're gonna conveniently walk out of the fic now so the current dumb plot can advance."

"Yes, forget how several paragraphs ago in the original fic I expressed to you the burden of responsibilities of having a pet while Ben and I go off to buy all the supplies you'll need for one so you don't have to," said Grandpa Max as he patted Gwen on the shoulder.

"Yay! I'm going to take my new cat for a walk. And by that I mean I'm literally going to walk around with the cat."

Gwen walked outside with the cat in her arms and went down the street while skipping merrily along.

"What a gorgeous day to get attacked by a unfortunately long white-haired mad scientist," Gwen said as she pranced down the street with her new favorite best kitty-witty in the world in her arms. "That I don't know is impending, of course."

Doctor Animo stepped out of the plot convenient abyss portal on a giant spider, laughing with malicious intent. "Hello."

"Oh, hi there, Doctor Animo. Guess I'll stop and chat with you," said Gwen. She proceeded to do just that. "So...how ya been? What'cha doin'?"

"I wanted to murder your annoying cousin, Ben Tennyson, for messing with my dearest treasured pets, all of which I love with every fiber of my being and do not cause harm to in any way by making them violently battle my enemies for me, sometimes leading to their onscreen demise. But he wasn't home. How convenient that I bump into you while you're holding a kawaii little kitty-witty!"

Doctor Animo cranked his Transmodulator up to 11 and turned the cat into a giant snarling aggressive monster.

"Now get the girl," he ordered.

The mutant cat hissed viciously, raising its 12 inch claws.

Gwen held out a hand for pause. "Hang on, I must phone the police as is my usual characterization. Apparently I never learned to harness magical powers or anything during the course of that summer vacation I took with my cousin and grandpa. Also I never took karate in the hopes of attaining a black belt." She rummaged through her pants pocket. "Which is really odd, you know, since the original author claims to be an expert on Ben 10."

Doctor Animo sighed and folded his arms as he waited impatiently. The mutant cat sat on its haunches. It began licking itself around the naughty parts. Ew.

"Hello, police! My name is Gwen Tennyson and this isn't a prank call, but my cat has been hijacked and is now trying to murder me!" She frowned. "Hello? Hello? Crap! Maybe I should have explained the situation in more detail first."

"Are you quite finished?" Doctor Animo inquired.

"I guess," Gwen yelled as she ran for her life. "Stupid fanfic based nonsense!"

Doctor Animo laughed when his mutant cornered its prey against the wall of a garage.

"Nooooo, my cute little kitty! Remember all the good times we had? Though I just adopted you today, like, less than seven minutes ago in total, and we barely know each other. I LOVED YOU SO MUCH! MY BABY!" She began to sob. "The author has some incredibly fucked up views on love and relationships of any kind, romantic or platonic, among other things. They might not notice this due to being a crazed mental case living off the internet's many echo chambers, but to the average person in the real world, this all comes off as hilariously disturbing. Anyway. MY DEAR AUTHOR SELF-INSERT NAME! PLEASE, STOP THIS! I KNOW YOU'RE STILL IN THERE!"

The cat continued to snarl.

"You do realize that when I mutate these beasts, I retain full control over them with this?" He tapped his colander helmet. "Trying to reason with your once beloved plot device pet won't help."

"Well...dang. That means I'm fucked," Gwen yelled in distress, knowing the original fic's idiotically contrived plot wouldn't save her.

And the utterly retarded litter box toilet joke couldn't get made, either. Tragic.

The End


	29. At Least It Wasn't Knotting

At Least It Wasn't A Knotting Fic  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
If you have no idea what that is, congratulate yourself.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. I'm deeply thankful this person doesn't ship Max and Animo or anyone else so I didn't have to wade through twenty thousand insidious yaoi kawaii rape insanity fics like with The Secret Saturdays. If you have no idea what I'm going on about, congratulate yourself again. It was a rough bunch of years for some of us.

"There's been sudden random werewolf attacks in Bellwood," Gwen informed to the nonexistent audience.

Ben sighed. "Who cares?"

Gwen slapped him on the shoulder. He flinched.

"Oh, right." He pulled out his script and read his line. "Uh...Doctor Animo probably mutated some wolves or something. Ugh. How many times does he have to be pushed into stupid uninteresting stories? It makes me sound like I have a creepy obsession with him every time I'm forced to spew the original author's nutty dialogue. I DON'T CARE ABOUT DOCTOR ANIMO OR WHAT HE'S DOING UNLESS IT CONCERNS THE FATE OF THE WORLD, YA KNOW? HE'S NOT MY GREATEST ENEMY. VILGAX IS. WHO I CAN'T HELP BUT NOTICE, OP FORGETS EXISTS. GREATEST BEN 10 FAN, MY ASS!" Ben crumpled the script into a ball and threw it as far as possible. "I'm so tired of this bullshit!"

"Aren't we all," said Gwen.

Just then, a plot baiting yelp.

Everyone piled out of the Rustbucket...wait, they were in a house? They don't all live together. Out in the woods somewhere. How can you possibly claim to be the greatest Ben 10 fan alive and do this? How. They ran out of the Rustbucket and saw Doctor Animo conveniently walking out from the nearby woods, limping.

"Did a werewolf bite you?" Grandpa Max asked.

"No," said Doctor Animo while wincing. "But they did introduce me to the A/B/Overse."

Everyone cringed.

The End


	30. Tiger, Tiger

Tiger, Tiger  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
When the author threw down their words, and littered websites with their turds: Did they smile their drivel to see? Did they who made such trash write thee?

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim.

The Circus Freak Trio showed up one day and realized they were in a horrifically dumb story. They screamed and held each other while crying.

"Just read the lines so we can get this over," Acid Breath reasoned.

"One of our tigers escaped from the circus," Frightwig whimpered. She wiped furiously at her running mascara. "We should, like, go get it back or something."

Doctor Animo showed up out of nowhere. Riding on the mutated tiger.

"Behold, the genius of Doctor-"

Firghtwig slapped him off the tiger's back with her scary hair. It knocked off his Transmodulator and ruined his mutation control over the tiger. The beast reverted back to normal.

"Wow," she sniffled," that was awfully convenient."

Then they all beat the shit out of him.

The End


	31. Why D'Void Sobs Hysterically

Why D'Void Sobs Hysterically  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
Gee, I don't know. Because the weeaboo anime obsessed author has a fetish for dudes crying hysterically when they otherwise wouldn't, given their proper canon characterization? And plot conveniences abound. Not like they've been doing this same thing for 5 years or more.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim.

Helen and Manny stood in the area of D'Void's citadel one foreboding unspecified time in the Null Void. Ben Tennyson hadn't shown up. Things were looking grim and increasingly stupid.

"Not another one of these godawful stories," Manny complained. He checked his script and grimaced. He threw it down. "Ain't readin' that. Get out here, D'Void!"

"Helloooooooh," D'Void greeted in a Mrs. Doubtfire voice as he popped out of a random doorway, throwing confetti into the air. He held a shrieking Null Guardian Sue baby in his arms. He shoved it into their faces. They all screamed as he laughed. "Oh wait, I'm out of character. Hang on a moment." He whipped out a bottle of fake tears and dumped it on his eyes. He began to sob hysterically. "Crying turns me on," he whispered through his sobs.

Helen stared at the hideous baby-thing in D'Void's grasp. She began to feel curiously attached to it, as if by force. Her ovaries began to throb. "Why do you have an inexplicable baby Null Guardian when none exist in canon? And why are you crying?"

D'Void shoved the suddenly dead baby carcass into Helen's face repeatedly. "CAUSE SHE'S DEAD NOW! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Helen screamed. Manny shot himself in the head. Everyone else fled to Mexico to get away from this repetitive weeaboo Mary Sue self-insertion glorification weeb trash.

The End


	32. Could You Take My Picture

Could You Take My Picture  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
'Cause I won't remember. Trying to repress the memories already.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. Lady, you've got to be trolling. Come the fuck on.

D'Void walked over to his original character awesome amazing perfect special in every way author self-insert Mary Sue baby, dearest little Scream-Sobby Boo-Boo. She had a specially designed baby crib fitted for Null Guardian babies which D'Void had in his citadel in the Null Void. He picked her up because she was somehow small enough to fit in his arms instead of realistically being around three tons like something sized to fit its adult versions and huggled her while sobbing hysterically.

"Baby dead," he whined. "Story bad!"

Wait, there's more. Don't leave yet or you'll miss the best fucking part.

He turned around and picked up a FUCKING FRAMED PHOTO of his baby Null Guardian Mary Sue off the night stand.

"Where the ass flipping holy fuck did I get a camera in the Null Void? How did I go about taking and also developing these photos?" he muttered. "And I got a photo frame to put it in. In the NULL VOID!"

His head exploded with the resulting confusion.

So did everyone else's.

BEST AUTHOR IN THE ENTIRE FANDOM.

The End


	33. Superfluous Story Padding Filler

Enjoy Some Superfluous Story Padding Filler  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
Regularly used in order to make a horrendous three paragraph story become insufferably more lengthy.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim.

D'Void wandered aimlessly in his mansion citadel as he observed his Null Guardians flying around casually with supposed free will.

"That's not Kosher," he remarked until the contrived plot dropped a rock on his head and knocked the sense out of it. "Ow! I mean, cute Null Guardian! My beloved pets whom I love with every love of my love. Love!" He stumbled around, dizzy, repeating the plot summary for the episode Voided over and over. "How many times can you sloppily regurgitate half the script for Voided and call it a fanfiction?"

The Null Guardian, a creature dumber than a box of rocks, stared blankly while drooling until it flew away to go enforce security over the slaves mining kormite for D'Void.

"Damn, that was a lot of useless redundant expository padding I spewed to make this already terrible story that much longer," D'Void said as he rubbed his aching head. "I'd better go check on my Mary Sue waifu."

He ran to the nursery room he had in his citadel in the Null Void for his special snowflake Mary Sue baby Null Guardian who was in a special crib for Null Guardians. She flailed her slimy tentacles wildly. Null Guardians don't have legs. They also don't coo like human babies. They're animals. The don't do anything much but fly and drool and snarl and lift heavy things and keep perimeters.

D'Void grabbed his hideous little baby turd out of the crib and began uncontrollably gushing the author's praise. "I WUV WU SO MUCH! OH PRECIOUS BABY MINE! I'LL NEVER LET YOU GO EVER BECAUSE YOU'RE MY AUTHOR SELF-INSERT AND I COULDN'T EVEN IF I WANTED TO. Dear Screamy-Sobby Boo-Boo! I love you-hoo!" He threw back his head and inhaled before shouting, "SHE'S NOT A MARY SUE, SEE? I DON'T IN ANY WAY GIVE HER A RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF SPECIAL TREATMENT, NOR DOES SHE WARP ME COMPLETELY OOC. NOR DOES SHE EXIST FOR NO ALTERNATIVE PURPOSE THAN TO MAKE ME CRY AND DEVOTE OBSESSIVE AMOUNTS OF SPECIAL ATTENTION UPON HER AND LOVE IN LIEU OF HAVING A SECONDARY CANON DESIGNATED LOVE INTEREST FOR THE AUTHOR TO SELF-INSERT AND SHIP WITH ME! THANK GOD, OR THERE'D BE HORRIFYING IKEA SEX SCENES REPEATEDLY INVOLVING KISSING UNDERWEAR TO DEAL WITH."

Everyone who remembers this infamous author from the Secret Saturdays fandom screamed and fled the premises.

The freakish baby Sue self-insert reached out and grabbed D'Void's face with its crushing tentacles while shrieking and drooling.

"Aw, such a sweetie," D'Void said through his squished cheeks. "You have your daddy's eyes." The baby spewed hot bile in his face. "And your mommy's psychotic sadism."

He turned around and boringly told the nonexistent audience a long-winded tale of how he got hooked up with the inexplicable Mary Sue baby Null Guardian in another paragraph that has been greatly reduced to a more realistic translation.

"Some crazy chick back in the real world digs me in a creepy sexual humiliation way because of my hair length, and there's no other dick of interest to yaoify or canon female love interest for her to ship me with, so she made you to hug my ass all day long and claim how much I love you while she for some reason screams at the other Suethors in the fandom and calls them dirty pigs," he explained. "It's pretty funny."

The baby Sue monster kissed his face, causing him to start dry heaving.

"EW, WHAT THE FUCK! GET YOUR DISGUSTING MONSTER FISH-LIPS OFF ME! AH, GOD, SO COLD! AND THE SMELL! LIKE ROTTING HAMBURGER LEFT IN THE SUN FOR WEEKS! JESUS CHRIST ON A CRUTCH!"

A brick hit him in the side of the head.

"Augh! I mean, haha. I love my cute little baby girl! Daughter. Princess." He stared at his horrific Sue baby like it was the only thing he knew how to do. "I wonder where Ben Tennyson is. He's going to be so shocked when I burst through a dimensional rift looking inexplicably beefed while having an army of ugly Lovecraftian alien pack mules to back me up." He tried to put his gross adopted daughter back into the toy box for safe keeping when it shrieked at him loud enough to deafen a normal human. He flinched. "Hey, cut that out. I can't hold you 24 freaking 7 you know! Is that seriously what the author expects? Damn, and I thought the Kevin Levin Mary Sues got hyper possessive. This is a whole new level of fuck."

Screamy-Sobby wouldn't have it and kept blasting her sonic ear rape in a rage while flailing her tentacles.

"I've got to go check on the slaves so the Helpers don't liberate them and keep saying selective phrases over and over," D'Void said nervously as he backed out of the room. I mean, the chamber. "I'll avenge your stereotypically tragically murdered parents and such that you have which doesn't make you exactly like the forty billion other Ben 10 Sues in existence. You're an animal. That makes it different somehow. Even though it's not. You're actually worse than any Ben 10 Mary Sue in existence to date. You are the most blatant author insert to exist in this fandom. It's like they didn't even try."

D'Void ran around aimlessly, spewing more exposition to himself because storytelling is hard.

"EXPOSITION OF THE EVENTS OF VOIDED THAT ANY BEN 10 FAN WORTH THEIR SALT WILL ALREADY KNOW BY HEART AND DOES NOT NEED TO HAVE REGURGITATED BACK TO THEM CONSTANTLY," D'Void shouted into the void of the Null Void. "I hope nobody finds out that I'm powerless once my kormite stops burning. Specifically, Ben Tennyson." He looked around. He shrugged. "I am completely obsessed with my one special snowflake Null Guardian baby above all things. I don't have to stupidly explain this in beige prose detail, seeing as how it's demonstrated every second in every story by this author."

Like now.

Screamy-Sobby popped out from behind D'Void's cape and screamed. He screamed as well. They both screamed. The parody author screamed. The audience at home screamed.

"What are you doing here? I left you in your special-stupid baby crib to do stupid special self-insert baby things while I did vaguely D'Void things somewhere else. Can't I have five seconds to myself?" He grabbed a handful of his hair and tore it out in frustration. "WHY WAS I CURSED WITH SUCH BEAUTY?"

Screamy-Sobby belched and snarled. She started shriek-sobbing. She wiggled over his shoulder, almost knocking him down. She flew over to a bush full of berries and greedily lapped them up into her stinking maw.

"No, don't eat the poisoned berries," D'Void spoke in a dry monotone as he read off his script. "They are bad. I know all the flora and fauna in the Null Void somehow. Therefore I know they're poisonous. Because. I do. Oh no, she ate the berries. D'Void sobs hysterically knowing his Mary Sue will die soon. Turn to page 345." He threw the script over his shoulder, sighing.

He reluctantly got back into character and ran to her, grabbing her in his arms.

"OH NO, MY BABY!"

Screamy-Sobby started turning blue. Her tongue swelled and hung out of the side of her mouth. It looked no less disgusting than she already had been before she was poisoned by the plot. Null Guardians aren't cute. This one more so.

"The cemetery behind my citadel is getting crowded. I can't bury my SPECIALIST MARY SUE OF ALL!" he cried.

The Helpers conveniently walked into the plot at that very moment.

"Oh, hey, D'Void. Why are you holding a freakier than usual looking screaming Null Guardian and crying so hysterically? It's massively out of character," said Pierce.

"Why aren't you hanging around The Wrench's ass and protecting him from my spies?" D'Void countered. "Not that I have any in this idiotic fanfiction universe. But still."

Pierce glared. "Touché."

"The author openly admitted her Mary Sue self-insert is my number one priority," D'Void said. "I mean, my baby Null Guardian who is poisoned and dying is my number one priority. Because...uh. Uh? She just is, okay!"

"Sorry to hear about your imminent loss," said Pierce. "I'm being sarcastic, by the way. No one gives a fuck about these irritating author insert Sues. They're so fucking awful."

"I don't wish to fight right now. I'm too depressed," said D'Void. He hugged his ugly baby Null Guardian tightly until she puked up purple fluid.

"Too bad. You're going to prison." Pierce pulled out his trusty hammer space handcuffs.

Tears shot from D'Void's eyes. "I MUST SAVE MY POSSESSION BLACK HOLE SUE WHO I AM CURRENTLY OBSESSED WITH, OR CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT?"

"More boring filler dialogue to stretch the word count," said Pierce. "Give us the baby freak and we'll see what we can do. Meanwhile, slap on these cuffs, you asshole."

Helen grabbed the baby from D'Void's hands. She cooed at it. It was puking up stinking bile and puffed up so badly it looked like a cancerous tumor. More so than usual. "So cute!"

Manny grabbed D'Void and threw him down and handcuffed him.

"OW! I call police brutality!" D'Void struggled. Manny kneed him in the back until he stopped. "SCREAMY-SOBBY BOO-BOOOOOOOO!" he shrieked in a shrill tone. That was in the actual fic, by the way. This person really loves men shrill shrieking and acting hysterically emotional. Or blushing with humiliation in their underwear. And bloody gay anal rape. But let's not go back to those dark times. "I'M SAAAAAAAAD!"

D'Void went to prison.

He waited impatiently for someone to come back and tell him his sad little baby Sue had tragically died for the umpteenth time. Then Pierce showed up.

"Useless filler dialogue cut short: We tried to save your baby but she died," he said. "We again focus on formal burials for whatever reason."

D'Void dramatically put a hand to his forehead and went down on his knees. "Oh my stars!" He burst into hysterical sobs. "I MISS MY BABY! SAD AGAIN!"

A ghost of his screaming-sobbing ass hugging Mary Sue popped up and started shriek-sobbing.

"Okay, suddenly I miss her a lot less," muttered D'Void.

The End


	34. The Picnic Story

The Picnic Story  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
I think I've done three different versions of this upon request. I don't remember anymore. I'm not keeping count.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. If this author was a real comedy troll, they'd be the funniest writer in the entire fandom and we'd have to thank them for giving us so much to laugh at. But they're not. It makes it that much funnier.

D'Void sat up in bed one glorious morning time in the Null Void to the pleasant sounds of screaming in his delicate ear. "AAAH WHAT THE FUCK!" He turned to see his infernal baby Null Guardian Mary Sue, Screamy-Sobby Boo-Boo next to him in bed. "Leave Daddy alone. Daddy needs his beauty sleep." He tried to pull the covers over his head again and relax for five more minutes before the enraged Sue bit down on the bed and shook it in her mouth, eventually flinging him to the ground. "Okay, I'm up."

Screamy-Sobby roared.

"Though you lack the ability to form expressions, I can tell you're happy," said D'Void. "It's because you love me, don't you?" He giggled.

Screamy-Sobby shook her head. She roared again, louder and angrier this time.

"I can somehow interpret your animal language and I know you want me to go on a picnic with you," he said while his eye twitched. "Seriously? Good lord."

Screamy-Sobby screamed and sobbed. She meant business.

"Okay, okay! I'll go on a picnic with you," D'Void said, not wanting to piss off his author's snowflakey self-insert. God only knew what could happen. It would likely be the same thing that happens when fictional women piss off their psycho-stalkery male partners in traditional fics like these without the roles reversed. Meaning it would end in bloodshed.

Several more expository sentences passed, reiterating the events of the episode Voided, as they often do. Over and over. As if the original author has to keep reminding themselves or they'll forget. Not that they cared about the canon events, or these stories would be vastly different in order to make any semblance of sense. Funny how they appear to be written by someone who's never seen a single episode of Ben 10 other than Voided, and they weren't paying much attention to Voided as it was to be able to get so much wrong at the most basic level. Suspicious, indeed.

Ha ha, not really. You can interchange any fictional character's name in any franchise the original author has claimed to be the world's biggest fan of and see how their fanfictions do not change in the slightest when you stick in different character's names. It's all the same shit, copied hundreds of thousands of times, over and over, in every fandom. The best part is I'M NOT FUCKING KIDDING. It's also the worst part.

Screamy-Sobby slammed into his chest with a squealing grunt. Like the most beautiful of sows. He forcefully embraced her.

"Oh, Screamy-Boo. "I lavish special attention on you constantly. The original author is sticking a giant middle finger into the faces of everyone they've ever called a Suethor and claimed sucked and was an insult to the fandom when it turns out they were the biggest Suethor all along. What a hypocrite. Who saw that coming? Oh, right. Everybody."

Screamy-Sobby roared violently in his face and gnashed her yellow teeth.

"Sorry, I'll never use that word again," whimpered D'Void as he cringed. "Except to throw it at someone else as a go to insult when they criticize my offensive lack of knowledge of Doctor Animo and the Ben 10 franchise while claiming to be the biggest fan of both."

Screamy-Sobby sneered as if to say "Damn straight, bitch." But she couldn't because she couldn't talk. Thankfully. She's special enough as it is.

"Good thing you can also understand every bit of English I speak," said D'Void. "Imagine if someone had to write a realistic story involving me and Null Guardians using zero communication skills."

Screamy-Sobby roared with impatience, scaring away the rest of the pointless filler dialogue that composed roughly 98% of the original fic. She wanted to get to the really laughable picnic bits. Her lips quivered. She started sobbing hysterically.

"Jesus Christ, that's all you ever do!" D'Void covered his head so he didn't get acidic tears all over it from the freakish Null Guardian Sue's magical cry-holes. Or however it did it. There's never been a defacto explanation of anything in any of these stories. Possibly because there can't be one without the words PULLED RIGHT OUT OF MY ASS being included. "I'll take you on a stupid picnic that will inevitably involve me putting myself at risk for your sake and being killed or captured."

Screamy-Sobby kissed his face. Eugh. I want to punch that thing right in its disgusting mouth-face anytime those words come up. I can feel my soul trying to escape my body out my eyes rather than be tormented on this earthly plane.

"Protect my baby, protect my baby, protect my baby, protect my baby," D'Void babbled as the self-insert author strangled what little oxygen was left in his brain. "Okay, let's get food. I have loads of it in the Null Void. In my FABULOUS MILLION DOLLAR KITCHEN!"

D'Void ran into his kitchen which he had in his citadel in the Null Void. "Let's make peanut butter sandwiches! Because I somehow have that in my kitchen in my citadel in the Null Void. We also have a stereotypical wicker picnic basket. We having EVERYTHING the plot calls for, no matter how absurd."

Oh, and confirmation the Null Guardians are actually human baby sized here. A picnic basket is not that huge. Null Guardian babies are not realistically the size of baby African Elephants here. They are like human babies in every way. Le author dictates. Things only get more pathetic the longer they go on.

"Aw, how IMPOSSIBLY CUTE," D'Void said as the author's words poured from his lips like diarrhea from a dysentery carrier's raw asshole. "We also have saran wrap to put the sandwiches in. And apples in the refrigerator. Someone actually wrote this story and they weren't a troll fucking around with everyone for the lulz. This was done in my name. Me, Doctor...I mean, D'Void. Of all people. By someone claiming this is all CANON. I am not kidding. I wish I was."

Screamy-Sobby tore open the refrigerator door and lapped up two apples before spitting them into the basket. They were now gross and covered with dark drool.

"It's okay. I wasn't planning on eating anyhow," D'Void said. "I have developed severe body issues." He flexed.

Screamy-Sobby roared. She sank her teeth into D'Void's pant leg and tore them off his body in a fit of rage. He trembled in his BLUE BOXER SHORTS while a bell rang several times. Ding, ding, random underwear reveal. This author's creepy underwear fetish continues to disturb and confuse.

"Muh drawers," D'Void whimpered. "I feel violated all of a sudden. Like there's eyes upon me, and hands doing nasty things as they watch while projecting religiously female socialized sexual shame and vulnerability upon me, an aggressive, proudly overconfident, and otherwise shameless male." He blushed like in the Japanese animemes, covering his delicates with a trembling hand. "Uguu."

And then came everyone's favorite thing in the entire world, including this fic.

"CHOCOLATE CAAAAAAAAKE," screamed D'Void. He began to dance.

Scream-Sobby also began to dance, but she wasn't good at it because she was a large smelly animal with tentacles for a body and a mouth for a head. She roared at D'Void to hurry and get her some cake. It was her favorite. The author's favorite. He grabbed the cake and stuffed it into the picnic basket.

"We also have a sink," he noted. "Which would have to have plumbing set up and all kinds of other insanely preposterous notions to dwell upon, like electricity generators for everything we've got here, and gas for the stove, and so on. How much time would have been devoted to this ludicrous luxury and not the priority drill-furnace or the enclosure keeping it safe from rebel forces. Hot damn! Someone thinks this is realistic. They went so far as to call it canon."

They went outside and smelled the fresh scent of burning kormite and slave labor.

"Ah, nice day or night for a picnic. In the Null Void," said D'Void. He turned to his snowflake Sue drooling beast daughter. "I don't give you special treatment, remember, if anyone asks."

Screamy-Sobby nodded. She turned her head and laughed in a horrifying Null Guardian way.

"I didn't bring a stereotypical checkered blanket for our picnic, so I'll use my cape," D'Void said as he laid it down. "Okay, let's eat before my head explodes again struggling not to think about this insanity going on right now."

Screamy-Sobby started spazzing out in a tardly meltdown of author insert happiness. She scream-sobbed while flailing her tentacles out, spitting giant wads of peanut butter sandwich mixed with apple chunks onto D'Void's cape and the surrounding area.

"Don't talk with your mouth full. You could choke and leave me sobbing hysterically for all eternity. Until I die," he said before staring at a rock that looked kind of like a penis. "I'm shocked the Helpers haven't shown up yet to ruin our hilariously absurd fun."

Screamy-Sobby grunted before inhaling the entire cake into her mouth.

"Hey, did I ever teach you the concept of sharing?" D'Void scolded.

Screamy-Sobby shook her head. She actually, and this is a line from the original, folded her tentacles as one would fold their arms while cross. Why am I parodying this shit. It makes fun of itself by simply existing in a public space for anyone to read. I need new more constructive hobbies.

"Ah, good, that sounds more like me," said D'Void.

"Ska-doosh," said Manny as he and Pierce showed up with a bunch of other nameless rebels that weren't there in the canon episode this is always based upon, brandishing all the firearms that no one in the show but Manny actually had. "You're going to jail, D'Void."

D'Void was going to yell something but his mouth was glued with peanut butter. He didn't bring any milk.

"Blah, blah, blah, lame dialogue," Pierce said. "Okay, let's kick his ass while he's not in the range of the drill-furnace!"

Everyone piled on top of D'Void and pummeled him into a nonsexual submission. Manny slapped some handcuffs on him. Ben Tennyson never showed up at all.

"Oh my God, food! I haven't eaten in days," cried a rebel as he dove for an apple. He clutched it in his hands, joyful tears sliding down his face. "Sweet sustenance."

Screamy-Sobby hissed loudly, snarling while defending her territory, making him scream in terror and drop the fruit. She slurped up the apple with her tongue, swallowing it whole.

D'Void was too busy thinking about cake to form any coherant thoughts. "Mmm, cake," he groaned as he was hauled to jail.

His fickle Mary Sue could not be contained by the authorities. Fortunately, she left him for someone else who shared the same hair length and the Ben 10 universe went back to being somewhat normal from that point on.

The End


	35. Interview With A Whampire

Interview With A Whampire  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
Writing about new Ben 10 characters I know nothing about outside of their names only reinforces the fact that I'm doing it for the obvious attention I assume it will bring me.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. Writing about cool new characters only works when the story provides some sort of entertainment value to the potential audience.

Doctor Animo was sitting at home watching television like he always did instead of working tirelessly on his evil inventions when Ben appeared, using Whampire during a news broadcast. He was beating up nameless villains. Whampire? Wait, so this is Omniverse. Okay, but Animo doesn't have any apartment in the Omniverse continuity. He hasn't had one since his OS first appearance. Where it was clearly established and heavily hinted that he's not too fond of playing by the rules of civilized society any longer. That involves paying for rental properties. His home away from home as of now is a cozy jail cell in Plumber HQ.

That aside...Let us now imagine how freaky-awesome Whampire would have been in the OS and integrate it into this story which is set in the OS universe.

"Ah, that must be one of Tennyson's new alien forms," said Doctor Animo with a deep amount of interest. The author projected their own knowledge of the character accidentally onto Animo, who would not have known the alien's name if he'd never encountered Ben using it in the wild against him. He somehow knew instantly that it was called Whampire. Thinking complex thoughts is almost hard as writing with any originality. "Ah, Whampire. Must be some kind of vampire alien, hence the play on words. Hmm, quite interesting."

Noises came from outside. He figured it was Roger coming back to bother him.

"Go away, asshole," he yelled. "I'm not paying any rent this month." He lifted a can of soda and took a long drink. "Next month doesn't look good, either."

The noise ceased. It came back about seven minutes later. It now sounded like a scraping at the window instead of the door. Doctor Animo turned and snarled.

"This is private property, you know. I encourage you to get off of it, or face the consequences," he yelled, louder than before.

The noise stopped again.

Five minutes later, an actual knock on the door. Grumbling, Doctor Animo stood up and went to the door. He threw it open.

"What the hell do you want?" He flinched at the sight of an upside down Whampire hanging from the doorway, grinning at him.

"I vant...to suck your blood!"

Doctor Animo wasn't impressed. He slammed the door closed, causing Whampire to fall from his perch and land with a thud.

"Ow, hey. Rude! Okay, I don't want to suck blood. I want to suck your life energy. Is that any better?"

Doctor Animo scoffed. "Get lost, Tennyson. Also how did you manage to go from a LIVE television broadcast somewhere in the area of Bellwood one minute ago to my front door step of my old apartment in Washington?"

"Easy. Bellwood is full of worm holes, ha ha ha," said Whampire. "Millions of them!"

Doctor Animo opened the door and threw a half-empty soda can at his enemy.

Whampire recoiled, sticking out his hands to protect his body parts. "Ow, hey, you asshole!"

"Get out of here, you pea-brained brat! You can't attempt to fight me over anything. I haven't instigated any trouble yet."

"I don't want to fight you. I want to BITE you." Whampire hissed and bared his fangs. "Seriously, I'm hungry. I have all these freaky vampire urges now. I don't want to inflict them on my friends or family, so I figured I'd come to you. Even though I'll probably get a bunch of diseases from your nasty evil life force." Whampire shrugged. "Anyway, let me in."

"No," said Doctor Animo with a firm frown.

"Oh, come on, Doctor. Don't be a baby. It's just a little bite." Whampire hissed again and tried to walk through the doorway. He was met by an invisible force field he smacked his face into. "Ow, what the? How'd you set up a barrier in your doorway?"

"I didn't," Doctor Animo said, looking almost as surprised as Ben. Then he smiled eagerly. "It would seem that you can't enter a home unless you're given permission by the owner. That's so old school." He started laughing.

"What? No way! I'm an alien vampire. How am I bound by stupid earth based tropes from vampire lore?" Whampire groaned. He pressed his hands against the invisible barrier repelling him. "That's not fair!"

Doctor Animo continued to laugh. "This obnoxious disturbance was worth it. The look on your face is priceless, Tennyson. That's what you get for never using that dull brain of yours. Now go find a belfry to hang around in and quit bothering me." He was about to slam the door again when he noticed a sudden dark grin on Whampire's face. "What are you smiling at, you freak?"

"Ah, using your brain! Thanks for reminding me, Doc. I almost forgot about this," said Whampire. He hocked and spit a Corruptura onto Doctor Animo's forehead.

"YAH!" Doctor Animo immediately lost all control over his actions.

"Now, let me in," Whampire commanded.

Doctor Animo's lips trembled. "Come...in." He moved away from the door and gestured for Whampire to enter. Whampire strode confidently through the doorway with a wicked laugh. "Noooo! Tennyson, what have you done to me? I can't...move...on my own free will!"

"One of the perks of being an alien vampire, Doctor. We have some neat tricks," said Whampire. "New school beats old school."

Doctor Animo screamed without being able to do anything but stand in place and wait for a command. No matter how much he struggled, he couldn't free himself from Whampire's control.

"Now who's the smart one? Bwah ha ha!" Whampire waved his clawed fingers into Doctor's Animo's face. "And now, a show before dinner. Dance!"

Doctor Animo started dancing random moves against his will as Whampire suggested them. "Tennyson, I'll kill you for this!"

"Twerk it, twerk it," Whampire said before laughing. He covered his eyes. "Okay, ew, that's enough." Whampire walked over and moved some of Doctor Animo's hair away from his neck. "This is totally gross and I'm going to regret it in the morning, but I'm so hungry. I'm doing it." He hissed, baring his fangs again as Doctor Animo whimpered.

"End the story already," Doctor Animo begged.

Whampire bit down as everything faded to black.

The End


	36. The Cookie Story

The Cookie Story  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
Who took a cookie from D'Void's cookie jar.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. So wacky! Such entertainment value in writing this childish incomprehensible insanity over and over and over and over.

D'Void woke up in his bed and stared at his DIGITAL ALARM CLOCK which he had in his expansive mansion citadel in the Null Void. It was midnight and he had the munchies.

"I need to announce in expository fashion everything I do like a five year old because that's the audience intelligence level for these stories."

He slipped on his robe which he also had and continued being written in painful detail doing every single boringly mundane action until the plot called for him to once again fixate on the well-being of his hideous baby author self-insert Mary Sue waifu.

"I wonder how Screamy-Sobby Boo-Boo is doing. I can't hold any other coherant thoughts but this," said D'Void while yawning. "Damn, I hate these stories."

He held his robe closed and put on his nightcap and ran like the wind to the nursery which he had in his mansion citadel in the Null Void. It contained his flowery stupid inexplicable baby crib that held his adorably idiotic self-insert Mary Sue baby Null Guardian he spent all his time obsessing over. She was cuddling stuffed toys because fuck everything. D'Void gushed over her mindlessly as the original author demands every waking moment. He began spouting off more repetitive exposition no one else cares about, explaining the tragic backstory of how he came to adopt his stinking Black Hole Sue after her parents tragically were killed by evil thugs. Those thugs were, of course, Manny. He's black.

"Now I must eat random deserts that somehow appear in the desolate Null Void like digital alarm clocks and elaborate nurseries because that's what the author is fixated upon, almost more than obnoxious Mary Sues and hypocrisy. But not quite," said D'Void.

He ran to the kitchen and smiled stupidly while wondering what to eat. He saw a cookie jar and continued smiling like a vapid idiot. He took the lid off. He gasped. "My goodness! There are no cookies in this jar. Because if a Null Guardian ate all the cookies, they wouldn't have simply picked up the entire jar and smashed it apart in their massive jaws or knocked it down onto the floor. They totally would have been real careful and sneaky and put the lid back on the jar. A specialized ceramic cookie jar specifically for cookies, by the way, that I somehow have in the desolate Null Void. FUCK EVERYTHING!"

D'Void flew into a shrieking tantrum that was surely not the product of the original author's childishly immature self-insertions.

"YOU ASSWADS, GET IN HERE!" he yelled, which was roughly translated from the original line from crazy weeaboo-speak.

Original author tends to use overuse the word shrill, along with many others. But this one pops up a load. Wonder where that's coming from. Like we don't already know. Welcome to TMI, the series. Might as well just slap the original author's name in replacement of every fucking fictional character, they're In Name Only placeholders for self-insertion dreck.

Screamy-Sobby Boo-Boo was craving that attention and started bleating her shrill ear rape once again. D'Void dropped everything and ran right to her. How exactly the fuck do Null Guardians cry without eyes or emotional concepts? Anyone want to try and explain that one logically? I'll wait.

The next few paragraphs are straight up author glorification of their awful Mary Sue insert, so we're going to skip rather than waste time ripping them apart piece by piece since they're overwhelmingly pointless and irrelevant to the story. As is 90% of the original fic this author has ever written. It's all padding nonsense filler to stretch out what would have otherwise been two or three sentences, tops. How strange for a prolific writer to not be able to actually write.

"Now I will stupidly explain how my Mary Sue Null Guardian author self-insert baby enjoys eating cakes and cookies. Because that's something a Null Guardian would do and could easily be reasoned in Ben 10 flippity fucking Alien Force. Right. We are running on all cylinders here," yelled D'Void.

No, it's the author self-insert. She's not subtle at all. Every story is a gem of utter insanity and comedic gold ripe for ridicule. More so because the author has the most extreme case of Unwarranted Self Importance anyone has seen.

D'Void soon realized his Mary Sue was gone. Five seconds later she was scream-sobbing again as more painfully dumb dialogue passed in order to pad the fic out.

"Fuck this inane Suethor glorification bullshit, let's head to kitchen," D'Void said. "The self-insert author can't even begin to remember that I control the Null Guardians against their will, not that this is the one singular jarring flawed detail in this ongoing weeaboo train wreck. There's like...ten thousand in total."

He ran into the kitchen, jumped upon the center island, and threw up his arms in hammy spectacle.

"Who stole my cookies," D'Void demanded. "I will rip the tentacles off whoever did it!" He clenched his fist and shook it. "Never come between a violent mentally unstable man-child and his desserts!"

No one cared, but the parody pressed on.

D'Void began talking back and forth with the Null Guardians. Christ. It went on for far too long. One got sassy.

"I know one of you stole every cookie! I can't say the cookies, plural, because this author is insane and nothing makes sense ever," D'Void said while clutching his aching head. "This is seriously a too long interrogation scene between D'Void and some Null Guardians over stolen COOKIES. Out of a cookie jar. In a kitchen. In the NULL VOID." Yes, it was. This was actually happening. Someone wrote this and claimed it to be close to canon. They claim to be the biggest Ben 10 slash Doctor Animo fan alive and hate Mary Suethors and think everyone else is beneath them and sucks at writing. I'm not kidding. I wish I was. "The cookies were for everyone in the citadel. Oh, so they were for the slaves too? Because they're in the citadel. You have no idea what the fuck a citadel is. GOOGLE IS A THING."

D'Void flipped a table.

"No dessert for a month," he threatened. He began to pull his hair and laugh hysterically. "WHY DOES THIS PERSON KEEP WRITING ABOUT ME?"

He fell down and sobbed hysterically. His evil Mary Sue baby author self-insert devoured everything in the refrigerator.

Ben Tennyson appeared in the corner, laughing as he shoved cookies into his mouth. "This would have made more sense if the original author knew who I was, or cared about my existence."

Biggest Ben 10 fan in the whole world, though. Something doesn't quite add up.

The End


	37. Max Tennyson Sometimes Exists

Max Tennyson Sometimes Exists In My Disturbed Little Animu World  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
To serve the petty, contrived plot. His grandson, not so much. This might be a good thing.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim.

 _I don't even like Doctor Animo, or D'Void, whatever, but I want to thank you for making these parodies. That person is an insult to the Ben 10 fandom. Every fandom. 'Cause I was there around '09 when they were doing the damn same thing in the Secret Saturdays. The exact same thing. All I can say is at least none of the other Sue/yaoi brats in either fandom spammed the category on a daily basis or went around calling everyone hypocriteswhen they were really the biggest hypocrite known to humankind. They need to get off that high horse. Preferably landing face first right in their own pile of manure. - JenTehScoot95_

"Spouting repetitive exposition based on the events of the episode Voided," D'Void screamed at his Null Guardians while they wandered aimlessly in the Null Void. "Where the fuck are we going? I shouldn't have taken that left turn at Albuquerque."

One Null Guardian slammed its face into a rock. They're not smart enough to handle complex thoughts. D'Void had a scene in the original fic where he smiled like an absolute moron for several minutes. I'm increasingly disturbed by this author's projection and what it says about them IRL.

"Guuuuughghghgdh," D'Void said. It's honestly better than anything in the original dialogue. "This is boring. Let's go back to my posh mansion-citadel in the Null Void and play X-Box."

So they did.

They went to a citadel. Repeat: a citadel. Not THE citadel. So D'Void has multiple. This one also had a drill. A drill, not the drill.

D'Void flubbed his lips like a crazy person. Which he currently was. More so than usual. Thanks to these godfuckingawful psychotic fanfictions he keeps getting written into by a singular deranged author who hates his guts and the Ben 10 franchise as a whole but won't admit it. They keep on claiming that anyone who doesn't think their mindless obvious self-insertion Sue underwear crying fetish Chinese food Japanese animu sugar pop garbage that they've been putting into every piece of fanfiction they've ever written no matter what the franchise is the best thing to hit the fandom are a bunch of losers and hypocrites. God help us all.

A horde of rebels along with The Wrench himself popped out of nowhere.

"Where's my grandson?" The Wrench wondered aloud, giving himself away.

"Mex Tennyson? You're The Wrench?" D'Void inquired before he laughed. "How did you get in here?"

"I was blown up in a tragic self-sacrifice death scene, but they couldn't bring themselves to kill me off for real. So here I am via ass pull. No one really cares about that ass pull because, hey, I'm back! Evokes a huge emotional response, doesn't it? It's funny because the original author skipped right over this question instead of going in depth like they have about every other completely irrelevant dumb trivial thing. I assume it's because they never saw how I fake died in the first place since they clearly only care about this single episode of Alien Force. Not to mention they don't seem to have any deep emotional attachment to me, one of the greatest characters of the franchise. But anyway. How did you get here?"

"Apparently I came in through a soft spot to look for new specimens, but I got trapped. So I set up shop here. And without Ben Tennyson around, look what I manged to do." D'Void threw his hands up and flexed his freakishly large biceps. "I'm a complete indestructible badass." He looked at the fourth wall and winked. "Thanks, Mr. McDuffie! RIP."

The Wrench rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah. That's what was bothering me. You haven't seen my grandson around lately, have you?"

"Nope," D'Void said. "Honestly, I hope he never shows up again so I can keep being absurdly Gary Stu invincible, youthful ultra conventionally attractive, and 7 feet tall." He walked up to The Wrench and flicked his nose. "Also I can do that."

"Ow," The Wrench groaned before rubbing his nose. "You're a bully, D'Void."

"No, now I'm a psychotic nigh-invulnerable ruthless tyrant," said D'Void. "Now let's wrastle." He pounced on The Wrench. They started fighting.

The fight consisted of D'Void grabbing The Wrench in a headlock and giving him a noogie. He wanted to stretch the fight out and a punch at this strength would have killed Max in one go.

"Ha ha! How do you like it, huh? Now I've got brains and brawn," D'Void said in his enemy's ear before laughing menacingly.

"I hope you enjoyed your 15, D'Void," said The Wrench. "Because here comes the part of the story where everything goes to shit!"

And lo, the story went full retard. Again. They do that quite often.

Suddenly D'Void was extremely vulnerable. He got hit in the back with a random laser from a random nameless rebel. He collapsed and passed out. Hours later, he woke up back in The Wrench's cave in the midst of some tender hurt/comfort. Minus the sex, thankfully. All his owies were bandaged.

"Regurgitating past events because either I assume the audience is too stupid to understand and remember what happened like two paragraphs ago, or I literally am this stupid that I can't not write like this or I won't remember what I'm doing or saying at any given time, hence the need for constant redundancies," said D'Void as he groaned.

"Hey, D'Void. How's it going," said The Wrench, walking to his enemy's bedside. "I patched you up. It's what a hero traditionally would do for his enemy."

"WHERE'S MY BELOVED PET NULL GUARDIANS," was of course one of the first thing's out of the self-insert author, oops, I mean D'Void's mouth.

"Christ, man. Let it go. Obsessions are unhealthy. And you've got one too many going for you as it is. They flew off instantly after your control over them was broken by my grandson who finally showed up and busted the furnace-drill."

"Aw poop. Ben is back?" D'Void frowned. "There goes my fun." He threw off his covers, wincing as he got up. "Whatever. I'm going to look for my Null Guardians. I have a psychotic obsession with them and actually think they love me and consider them to be my family, unlike in canon, where I was using them as tools for my evil ways."

"Oh, lord. Is this really your default fanon characterization? It's the only thing this weeaboo self-insert author can give you in order to claim they enjoy you as a character? Seriously?" groaned The Wrench. "Well, I can't stop you from crazily whining over the Null Guardians and going off on a suicide mission to look for them. Even though I probably very well could." He slid out his foot and tripped D'Void. D'Void collapsed with a thud and whimpered. "Yeah, I could. You're too weak to do anything right now, D'Void. I'd be careful if I were you. Lots of angry former slaves who want a piece of you."

The Wrench took a sip from a mug of unspecified liquid. It smelled like rotten eggs, but tasted decent. At least to him. He stared at D'Void on the floor, struggling to get up.

"By the way, you're in your underwear again thanks to this self-insert Sue author's years long ongoing creepy fetish."

D'Void looked down and saw himself dressed in only LIGHT BLUE BOXER SHORTS. "Agh, no! Not that! It's the ultimate mark of some sadistic yaoi related sissy humiliation fetish that freak has. It's been put on Argost before me, and look what happened to him!"

"Yeah, he got raped and tortured a lot," reminisced The Wrench. "But who didn't back then?" He slurped loudly from his cup.

D'Void shuddered with several dozen repressed memories flooding back, giving him PTSD. He grabbed the boxer shorts and started to remove them in a panic until a random female rebel...uh, no...a "feminine" nameless rebel..because not even the descriptor female is good enough for this deeply misogynistic nutcase...randomly popped in just to blush and gasp at a semi-naked man and then run back out of the plot. Yes. So very necessary. D'Void sighed, deciding to leave the underwear on.

"I guess the self-insert author wanted a cameo," The Wrench joked. He winked.

Ya think.

"Don't even start with me. I demand my clothes back," D'Void said. "I don't want to become an even bigger target while wearing these." He snapped the waistband. "They're evil."

"The original fic this is based on was quite a load of incomprehensible shit," said The Wrench before he placed the mug back to his lips.

"You think this is news to me? I've only starred in well over eleven thousand already," muttered D'Void as he grabbed some new clothes that magically appeared on a table. He threw them on.

"Back and forth needless expository filler dialogue," said The Wrench.

"I'm not listening," D'Void ranted.

The Wrench shoved a bowl of something smelly and gross looking into D'Void's face. D'Void gagged. "Try some of this before you go. Don't wanna leave on an empty stomach, do you?"

"I most certainly do with the way that smells. It looks like dog shit. It smells roughly the same," D'Void said as he backed away fearfully. "I have no desire to find out how it tastes."

"Suit yourself." The Wrench took a bite from the spoon before he leaned forward and whispered at D'Void, "By the way...It's made of Null Guardians." He waggled his eyebrows.

D'Void let out a girlish shriek and fainted dead away. The Wrench put him back to bed.

"That worked easily," said The Wrench. "Good thing D'Void's characterization is complete shit in every fanfiction or he would't have cared about the Null Guardians." He ate another spoon full before addressing the mildly concerned fourth wall. "It's not really made from Null Guardians. It's made of centipedes. But the bowl is made from cave lizard guano."

The End


	38. D'Void's Self-Insert Mary Sue Baby

D'Void's Self-Insert Mary Sue Baby  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
You will worship it, or you're not a real Ben 10 slash Doctor Animo fan. Plebeians. Trolls. Hypocrites.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. Have you ever wanted to punch someone through the internet? The urge is slowly building inside me. And with much justification.

"My stupid baby Black Hole Sue is dying for the billionth time, oh so tragic," said D'Void. "She's muh daughter! Muh special snowflake animal Sue daughter who's so much better than every other boring feeeemale human Sue ever created! Garsh."

His story raping infant ass leech expired and shit itself.

"Goodness me," D'Void wailed until he stumbled into a grave he made for the awful turd, sobbing hysterically. He CUDDLED his dearest Mary Sue author self-insert and sobbed for eternity.

Eternity lasted a minute and a half until he got bored and went to go eat some cake.

The End


	39. D'Void Goes To Jail

D'Void Goes To Jail  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
Helen steals his shrieking Mary Sue. What wacky shenanigans will result from this, oh how I wonder. Sarcasm.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim.

"Manny, please. I've lost hearing in both ears," Helen cried with distress as she held the infernal Mary Sue self-insert baby monster of D'Void's since he got thrown in jail a couple days prior. "I haven't slept in five weeks. I thought it would be easy to take care of a shrieking sack of drool and puke, like all the female originated propaganda based media makes it look. But it's not! It's so awful! I want an abortion!" She burst into heavy sobs. "I regret everything! I'm becoming a lesbian for political reasons!"

"Helen, calm the fuck down," Manny said as he slapped the womanly hysteria from her head. "We're gonna take this infuriating author insert plot device to D'Void and let him deal with it. He's the one it was made for."

"But D'Void has plot convenient amnesia and probably won't recall how this awful thing was supposed to be his," said Helen through her tears.

"Yeah, probably shouldn't have hit him so hard in the head after he was vulnerable again," said Manny while shrugging. "But he deserved it."

They went to see D'Void in his prison cell. He was looking quite derped. "I like bacon," he mumbled. His eyes were comically crossed.

His Mary Sue baby scream-sobbed and vomited into his face. He didn't flinch at all.

"Why do you have an evil living turd with a mouth and teeth in your arms, blue lady?" D'Void asked.

"Oh no, Manny! What do we do now? I can't bear to be around this thing any longer! I'll cut my wrists!" Helen wailed.

"Leave it on the floor and run," Manny suggested.

So they did.

The End


	40. Any Female Will Do

Any Female Will Do  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
For my self-insertion Mary Sue glorification spiels about hideous babies who have disturbing daddy issues.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim.

"There, there, there, there," Helen said in a detached manner as she held a two thousand yard stare at the wall of the Helpers current residence. She rocked D'Void's awful author self-insert ship Sue in her tired arms. It continued to shriek and sob hysterically because that's all it can do. That's its only purpose of existence. The entire reasoning behind its creation. She leaned back against the baby crib that used to be D'Void's which she now had. "Someone...please...kill me."

"We've got to get rid of this thing," Manny said as he struggled to keep his ear holes blocked from the vile pervasive noise.

"I think the author self-insertion is demanding we take her to D'Void," Helen muttered. "They really, really, really are focused on asserting how much D'Void loves their Mary Sue insertion to a creepily obsessive degree."

"He said he didn't want it anywhere near him ever again when he came to," Manny reminded her. "I keep telling you, throw it into the volcano."

"No, Manny! Can't be mean...to...baby." Helen's head lolled back. Drool came out of her mouth. Her head snapped up as she somehow managed to work her corrupted brain into having an idea. "Wait, I've got it! Here, hold this." She handed the shrieking monstrosity to Manny, who yelped and recoiled, throwing it into the air. Helen vanished and returned with an autographed photo of D'Void in time to catch the ugly thing as it came back down. "Here! Please, will you stop crying now?"

The freakish Black Hole Sue settled for the sexy laminated pic of her not quite boyfriend and licked it longingly, finally shutting up for five fucking minutes.

Helen and Manny sighed with relief before they passed out from exhaustion.

The End


	41. Chocolate Cake

Chocolate Cake  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
Someone has a literal fetish for chocolate cake.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim.

D'Void grinned like a 34 year old adult-child at a random chocolate cake on his kitchen counter. That he had in his citadel in the Null Void. For some psychotic reason, we are still claiming to be within the Alien Force universe.

"How did this get here? How was it created? Who cares! I'm D'Void, and this is my obsessive psycho-author's self-insert fanfiction!" He licked his lips while rubbing his hands. "Mm, cake. Can't wait to eat that."

His abominable Mary Sue came flying in, screaming.

"Oh, hello, my dear beloved alien animal DAUGHTER whom I love with every fiber of my being because it makes sense in my own head," D'Void said. "You had candy before, so you can't have any of this delicious cake tonight!" He wagged his finger sternly.

Screamy-Sobby roared and shot an energy blast from her mouth that hit him in the head and caused him to get thrown into the wall.

"Nigh-invulnerable," D'Void yelled as he gave a thumbs up from the rubble.

Screamy-Sobby pounced upon and devoured the entire cake.

"Now you'll eat only vegetables for a week!" D'Void threatened.

She grabbed him by the throat and threw him into the other wall.

"Naughty, naughty!" D'Void got up and brushed himself off. "You're being a bad baby."

Eventually she got cavities and died from them. Why not.

"Nooooooooooo! Such tragedy!" D'Void wailed sarcastically while waving his arms in an unenthusiastic manner. "This was a parody of an actual story that some nutty egotistical histrionic Suethor wrote in this fandom. Now I'm off to break my own kormite furnace and slit my wrists."

The End


	42. You Have Got To Be Trolling

You Have Got To Be Trolling  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
I can't even.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. If this is what this person considers to be love, I don't want to know what they think hate is.

D'Void was having a scary nightmare and flailing in his sleep when he wacked his special snowflake author insert Mary Sue in its ugly face. The shrill, shrill, shrill ear piercing shriek of his tragic ass hugging baby monster shot into his ear, right through his brain, jarring him awake.

"OH GOD, WHAT? THAT HORRIBLE NOISE!" he gasped. He looked over and saw the wretched beast shitting itself sobbing hysterically because he dared harm it. "Whoops. My bad?" He shrugged. "If it wasn't for you screaming all the time, I might not have these horrific night terrors that cause me to flail wildly, you know."

Screamy-Sobby Boo-Boo roared with rage, bearing all of her slimy canines. She turned and flew out of the room with a squeal.

"Why do I have a feeling this will end badly for me," D'Void muttered as he held the covers up over his chest and trembled.

Because this is a domestic situation waiting to happen. Never provoke a Cluster B Grade author self-insertion.

A bunch of Null Guardians came in and started eating his arms off.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH, PAIN, SUFFERING, STUPIDITY! NOOOOOOO! BUT I'M SUPPOSED TO HAVE TOTAL CONTROL OVER THESE MINDLESS BEASTS!" he shrieked as they ripped him all bloody.

Reminder that this author claims to be the biggest fan in existence for Doctor Animo or maybe just D'Void, and all they do is systematically torture, murder, and humiliate him via self-insert Mary Sue. Just like they did to V.V. Argost years before. Like every other self-proclaimed weeaboo yaoi-Sue fanatic in existence in every fandom to exist. Barf.

I said back in 2008, if anyone's going to make fun of Animo let it be an actual fan. And unfortunately I held to my word.

The End


	43. Nigh-Invulnerable

Nigh-Invulnerable  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
The author whose work this parody is based upon doesn't understand what that means.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. They don't understand the definitions of many words. Including citadel and hypocrite.

Screamy-Sobby Boo-Boo, also known as OBVIOUS AUTHOR SELF-INSERT, roared loudly while flying around a random hallway in the citadel slash mansion of D'Void, her baby daddy dom extraordinaire. The narrative expressed how ridiculous the original author's alternative character interpretation of D'Void was when it once again asserted how much of a deliriously happy family they are and by giving Null Guardians complex thought processes they cannot possibly have because the canon has outright contradicted it. She heard some chaos outside and headed off to have a looksie.

Oh no, there were the nameless rebel forces again without Ben Tennyson. She snarled and blew several of them to bloody shreds with an energy mouth beam.

D'Void popped up in the instant to fulfill his destiny in the outlandish plot. "No, muh special snowflake BABBY! Don't get hurt or I'll sob hysterically!"

He ran down those big old stairs, but somehow tripped embarrassingly and fell down them. Not only that, but he somehow broke his neck despite being INVULNERABLE TO HARM including Humungousaur smashing him into the ground twice.

Screamy-Sobby burst into hideous ugly sobs. Now who would devote OOC crazed devotion to her? Boo hoo. So tragic.

"Bitch, what? That doesn't make any fucking sense," Manny cursed the original author.

No, it doesn't. If it did, we couldn't write five thousand moronic shallow OOC sob stories about sobbing tragically over inexplicably dead bodies, now could we?

The End


	44. That Guy With Long Hair

That Guy With Long Hair All The Other Fangirls Lust Over  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
I know his name. I know he has a car. That's about it. Hope no one notices how little I know about the show I claim to be the world's biggest fan of to get attention by disguising my shitty anime kawaii fetish weeaboo self-inserts with the names of beloved more popular fictional characters.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. Oh, so she did write one single story featuring a character by the name of Kevin. Now tell me, was this before or after we brutally mocked her for not knowing who 99% of the cast of the Ben 10 franchise was while claiming she's the best fan around and everyone else doesn't watch the show or know what they're talking about? Uh huh. I'll venture a wild guess on that one.

Ben appeared randomly in Bellwood with Gwen and Kevin to make fun of Kevin for staring at his car while grinning like an idiot.

Kevin opened his mouth but only drool came out.

"It'd be hilarious if a villain randomly appeared conveniently and broke Kevin's car," Ben announced, laughing heartily afterward.

Just like that, Doctor Animo conveniently appeared on a mutant frog. "Hello, Tennyson! Fear my creative original dialogue!"

"Oh nooooooooes, Doctor Animoooooooos," Ben said as he finally for once got to transform and do battle. Oh wait, not really. He went Way Big and flicked Doctor Animo with his giant finger, instantly KOing him. Then he crushed Kevin's car. "Oopsie! This was a shitty story written for the sole purpose of trying to prove they know about characters they know absolutely nothing but face value facts and also to boost story count. Stop spamming, asshole!"

He fell down on his giant To'kustar ass and crushed Kevin's car flat as a pancake.

"DAMN IT, TENNYSON!" Kevin yelled. He roared wordlessly in helpless anguish. He then turned and faced the fourth wall. "Hey, speaking of my car. What's its name, huh? Bet you don't even know, or care. Asshole. What's my voice actor's name? Can you answer that one? Probably not. So spam some more trash and piss everyone else off, why don't you. That's all you do. That's all you can do. Because you don't care about this show or any of its characters, and you never did. Maybe get a new hobby."

"I was here but I didn't have a line of dialogue because this author hates me and all female characters by proxy," Gwen said, looking annoyed. "So can we go to a better fic now?"

"Yeah," Ben said once he transformed back.

They left.

Doctor Animo raised his head slowly, groaning. "Can I come too, please?"

The End


	45. Dub Thee Screamy-Sobby Boo-Boo

We Shall Dub Thee Screamy-Sobby Boo-Boo  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
Because that is all she does.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim.

One fine day in the desolate Null Void, our sexy piece of beefcake, D'Void, was standing on a rock, smiling dully at his Null Guardians and reading off the expository past evens of the episode Voided from his script. He paused when he heard a shrill naggy voice and turned around to see that weird blue lizard lady with the wheel feet.

"Hi, D'Void," she said while waving.

Manny was also there.

D'Void frowned and sighed angrily. "Not you two again. Don't you two have anything better to do than stalk me?"

"Honestly, I wish we did," Manny said. He fired his guns.

Two Null Guardians showed up. One was wearing a top hat, mustache, and tie. The other was wearing a fluffy blonde wig with a pink ribbon on it and a pearl necklace around its neck fat area. So you could easily tell their sexes. Because they need those in order to make some kawaii stupid babies. Huzzah. Oh, there was also a baby Null Guardian with them. It was dressed in pink so you could tell it was a girl baby.

D'Void's eyes got huge. He derped. "Holy shit, they can have babies?"

Manny jumped out and started punching them both in the face while they screamed.

"You're hurting my animals!" D'Void exclaimed. That was a line taken directly from the original fic. D'Void scowled. "Only I'm allowed to do that!" That was a follow up joke created by the parody that put all this nonsense into perspective.

Thanks for the low hanging fruit.

"D'Void mad," he yelled. He grabbed Helen by the tail and chucked her into Manny.

"Oh no, D'Void's pissed. We'd better get out of here," one of the nameless rebels cried.

They all fled.

D'Void saw his tragically injured Null Guardians on the ground and became instantly hysterical. "Oh noes, my darling pets!" He started crying and dramatically fell to his hands and knees, unable to bear the sight of them dying. The baby came up from behind him and sank its teeth into his round ass cheek.

"OW," he screamed.

The ugly thing scream-shrieked a sonic blast of stinking awfulness at him.

"Aw, poor baby. Are you crying while I'm crying? Let's cry together." He opened his arms and she slammed into them. They both sobbed hysterically for hours.

More Null Guardians showed up to take the corpses of the dead ones off to be properly buried as usual in the graveyard near D'Void's citadel.

More outlandish narrative happened that proves the original author has no idea how to write, but they continue to do so in order to spite everyone around them. He stepped on several rocks while he wandered aimlessly with the screaming Null Guardian baby in his arms.

"I'll adopt you and make you into my special snowflake obvious author insert daughter who receives a psychotically obsessive amount of my attention as the author themselves is known for glorifying their mundane idiocy and lack of talent in every fandom they come to ruin with their shameless attention whoring, though it'll be heavily denied you're a Mary Sue and we'll call everyone else in the fandom an idiot Suethor who has no talent via self-loathing personal projections of the author's own flaws," said D'Void. "I'm going to cement that fact by naming you something stupidly close to my own name. This won't be reflected immediately in the parody because naming you something scathingly literal was much funnier. You are hideous. You are pathetic. You are annoying. All you do is scream and sob and demand attention and piss everyone off. Just like the original author who gave us all this parody material for 5 years running. Therefore I shall name you Screamy-Sobby Boo-Boo."

Screamy-Sobby roared and puked up bile onto D'Void's chest. She drooled contently.

"I'll avenge your parent's tragically stereotypical death," D'Void vowed. "I'll kill those two Helper idiots for attacking them."

Speaking of the Devil, there appeared Manny and Helen.

"Hi again, D'Void," said Helen. She waved again. "It's funny how we keep meeting like this an instant after the plot makes reference to it."

"It's not funny at all," Manny grunted. "Why the heck are you clutching onto that living turd, D'Void?"

"It's the author's self-insert. I figure they think it's less obvious of a Mary Sue since it's not a human or humanoid baby girl," D'Void said. "But it couldn't be more obvious. It loves making out with me. It's a blatant author self-insert of the highest order. Or should I say lowest. Anyway, like a good brainwashed canon character, I have now devoted my life to it and avenging its parents and lavishing it with gratuitous undeserved attention. It's not out of character of me, of course. This is all indisputable canon to anyone who has watched Ben 10, you plebes."

"Yeah, whatever. Time to get your ass kicked," Manny said.

D'Void kicked first, hitting Manny in the ass.

"Ow, hey!" He fell down.

"Oh no, Manny," Helen gasped.

"Helen...Avenge my death," Manny groaned before he rolled to his side and passed out dramatically.

"What a loser," D'Void said.

Helen glared at him. "That was mean, D'Void!" She ran up to him and started weakly slapping him with her hands. "Mean, mean, mean!"

"Ow, your pathetic female slappy palms sort of sting," D'Void said as he hunched over his shrieking Mary Sue's high pitched cries. "Stop, you're upsetting my adopted Null Guardian daughter!"

A bunch of stupid shit happened while D'Void acted like an OOC idiot and Screamy-Sobby continued to emit ear-shattering shriek-sobs.

"Hey, you lazy assholes who've been standing there this whole time," D'Void shouted to his remaining Null Guardian forces who were drooling there while flying in place. "Go kill the rebels! Emphasis on that blue one with the vagina!"

The Null Guardians roared and started chewing on Helen while she screamed.

Manny lifted his head. "Helen, I told you to avenge my death, not get yourself killed," he cried out.

"You're both losers," D'Void said. He sat down and snuggled his new baby-waby in his muscular arms. "Now we're one big happy family forever and ever." He smiled sadistically, watching the Null Guardians tearing Helen apart.

"This story fucking SUCKS!" Manny screamed before they came for him and did the same thing.

The End


	46. Daddy Dominates

Daddy Dominates  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
I think we've finally gathered where this repetitive crying-torture fetish springs from.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim.

D'Void stared into his expansive cemetery that he had for his dead Null Guardians near his citadel in the Null Void. Really wish there was more detail than marked graves so I could tell if le author gave these stinking alien beasts proper "Christian" burials. That would make these demented stories all the more hilarious.

"Expository paragraphs retelling the boringly tragic tale of the events from the previous story explaining to the audience how I got my annoying Mary Sue author insert baby-wife and adding the events from the episode Voided to pretend as though there's some remaining semblance of canon to be found here," said D'Void.

He gasped when he was choked by his own cape. He turned to see his darling Mary Sue with it in her teeth, shaking it viciously.

"Oh, speaking of which," he said before he wrestled his cape back. It came free with a loud rip. It didn't matter because it was already torn. "I see you, Screamy-Sobby. I can never not notice you. YOU ARE A VERY ADORABLE BABY NULL GUARDIAN. That was a direct line from the original fic." D'Void threw back his head and laughed. "Null Guardians are NOT CUTE. Specifically NOT THIS ONE, of all Null Guardians."

Screamy-Sobby took offense to this and decided to turn her dom into a sub. She screamed and bit his pants leg, tearing them down. D'Void's BLUE BOXER SHORTS were revealed, along with a large portion of his ass. He gasped and blushed like a kawaii uke while giving a squeal like a young embarrassed girl. "No! Humiliation fetish!" It seriously is. The original author just admitted it right there in the narrative, laaaaaaaugh. The implied running joke has become a reality.

Screamy-Sobby's lip trembled before she burst into more ear-raping shrill cries.

"Aw, I can't stay mad at you. The plot won't let me," D'Void said before he scooped up his living pile of feces and hugged it and more horrible words strung together that make no sense and only exist to prop up the original author's demented gushing weeaboo insanity over their creepy desperation self-insert Mary Sue and D'Void's supposed tender fatherly-animal-husbandry goodness toward dumb animals gushed forth in a torrent of repetitive madness. "Oh God, these words burn. Stop, stop! I'm going to vomit!"

Screamy-Sobby continued to rub her ass against his face, asserting her complete control over him.

"Nooo!" D'Void cried as her powerful crushing tentacles wrapped around his waist. "Please, stop attaching yourself to me in a dementedly possessive fashion! I have other things to do in life beyond obsess over some ridiculous author insertion Mary Sue. Especially for a fucking author who doesn't give a shit about the Ben 10 franchise and is just using me for my hair! You can interchange me with any of the previous long haired males this asshole has claimed to the biggest fan of while harassing the entire fandom and calling them the hypocrites who know or care nothing of canon and none too suspiciously we end up with the exact same results every time. We are nothing more than generic templates! The character doesn't fucking matter! It's the hair!"

The narrative forced him to bend down so Screamy'Sobby could kiss his face, retch and excrement. I have now developed a deep aversion to the word "kiss" thanks to these hideous piles of weeaboo author Mary Sue self-gratification spam. She began to scream-sob shriek shrill cry kissy-lips. Vomit.

"I can't leave you," D'Void yelled. "I wish I could, but I can't!"

He walked over to a random giant drill.

"Regurgitating more of the events of Voided," he said as he stared at it. He could barely concentrate with the ongoing screaming-sobbing from his obnoxious Mary Sue. "When will this ear based torment end?"

Ben and Grandpa Max ran out of a plot convenient worm hole. Screamy-Sobby scream-sobbed even louder.

"Oh God, why'd you have to show up? This thing got that much louder," D'Void gasped. "I don't think it likes you."

"Whoa, I never thought I'd make it this far into a story by this author," Ben exclaimed. "I almost forgot why I'm here. What was I doing? My brain doesn't work so good when I'm in shitty stories like these. Or the parodies of."

"Stopping D'Void from conquering the earth and destroying the Null Void," Grandpa Max said.

"Oh, right. It's been so damn long."

Screamy-Sobby flew out of D'Void's arms, screaming and shrieking. D'Void ran after her. They went to the graveyard. There was also a rose garden for aesthetic purposes. Screamy-Sobby shriek-screamed at her tragically dead parent's graves. D'Void started sobbing hysterically as he hugged her. Woe and misery. So heart-wrenchingly emotional. "And stupid," D'Void sobbed while he cried. Snot poured from his nostrils. "So unbearably stupid! It hurts." No, shut up, it's HOT. It's so unbearably sexual in every way. D'Void heaved and gagged back some rising bile.

D'Void turned around to see Ben finally reenacting the canon events of Voided and freezing up his drill-furnace combo, thus destroying the source of his power.

"Oh no, my powers!" D'Void felt his dick shrink several sizes, along with his body. "Noooooooo!" He shook his fists into the air. "I should have been over there facing off with Max Tennyson and getting punched in the face instead of way over here, whining about an infuriatingly idiotic author insertion Mary Sue!"

Grandpa Max did him the courtesy of walking over. "You're going to prison for a long time, D'Void."

"My Mary Sue," D'Void sobbed, overcome by the uncontrollable urge to fixate upon the evil creature. His sad tears sprayed her body. She started to lick them. "I won't leave my Mary Sue! She was made for me! She was created for the sole purpose of being shipped with me! Me and no one else! Well, except for when the author finally gets tired of me and replaces me with a completely interchangeable bishonen male with long white hair and creates yet another useless clone Sue insert that exists for no other reason than to warp the character wildly OOC and sob and die in order to ship them with herself while she screams that it's canon to the real fans of the show. But that could take a few years."

Grandpa Wrench slapped handcuffs onto him and lead him away while Screamy-Sobby scream-sobbed hysterically all by her infernal lonesome. D'Void sobbed hysterically because his mind had been eroded and replaced with a fetish fueled author self-insert who wanted everyone to feel bad for her absurd Mary Sue doing humiliating things to male characters with long white hair. Doesn't matter who they are, it's all the same. These stories are all the same. There's enough proof to go around. The parodies don't count.

Thank goodness none of them are sexual in nature this time. Unless you count the repeated underwear exposure. And kissing. So much kissing between desu fugly Null Guardian BABIES and the object of the author's fetish. Puke. You really should have just went the extra hypocritical distance and made a human female Sue for D'Void to adopt and pair himself off with so you could explore your bondage daddy fetish. It seriously would have been LESS OBVIOUS than this. Argost and Munya were less obvious than this. And that's saying a lot.

The End


	47. Baby Momma

Baby Momma  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
A female's worth is based entirely around how well she obsesses over children.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim.

Helen sat around waiting for something to so as she stared at various male characters in D'Void's citadel and more stupid inner monologue exposition played like a broken record inside her head.

She saw a baby Null Guardian and her ovaries reacted immediately. "BABY!" she gasped.

"Time for nappies, Sobby-Boo," D'Void said. "I treat you exactly like a human child because that's all the original author knows. How terribly uncreative."

Helen began having intrusive author insert thoughts that she realistically wouldn't have had in this situation. The world was at stake. But let's all fixate on the Mary Sue baby. It's not obvious enough.

Screamy-Sobby Boo-Boo began to cry EXACTLY LIKE A HUMAN INFANT. Again, direct line from the original fic. So clearly there's no more denial. Le author has designated Null Guardians, who have nowhere near the same vocal range as humans, sound exactly like human babies. Yeah, okay. Suuuuuuuuuure.

"I also have a special human baby crib created solely for this animal," noted D'Void. "That's not grounds for a blatant Mary Sue! Nope. Not special treatment pulled right out the asshole upon a whim. Never mind I let it make out with me all the fucking time! God only knows how these freaks must look inside the original author's head. Assuming readily it's nothing like they do in canon. Probably more something out of Pokémon."

He giggled and carried his stinking turd baby up the stairs to...oh, and again. Confirmation the original author does not understand what the word citadel means. He carried her up the stairs to his citadel. The citadel is the wall around the drill. The stairs lead up to what can be assumed would be a control room or some space for D'Void to keep his business in order at. It's not a million dollar sprawling mansion.

"But I love the luxurious kitchen and bedroom," D'Void said, winking.

"Stop trying to give explanations for this insanity," Manny yelled. "It doesn't make a lick of sense and no one will buy it anyhow!"

"I'm finally here again! Le author must have heard our collective criticism," Ben said. "Funny how the stories immediately change to reflect somebody telling le author off, and yet they still posture around as if their shit doesn't stink and they don't obviously steal all their ideas from other people." Ben shrugged. "Welp, I'm off to recreate the events of Voided and not do much else because le author doesn't enjoy me as a character, therefore I get no focus unless it's forced. I am a plot device, not a main character."

He pranced off to the drill and threw himself into the flaming pit.

Helen took the place of Grandpa Max. She reached out her hand. "Ben, noooooooooo!"

"He's not dead, Helen," said Manny. "Well, I mean, I don't know for sure because nobody knows what can happen in these stories. But I'd figure he'd be okay. Maybe."

"The Null Guardians are fleeing in fright. Really? That's how you characterize a bunch of scatterbrained creatures who's control buttons have been shut off. They're not scared, they're scattering with no purpose left," said Helen. "They probably have to be trained to do their jobs properly again. These things are pea-brained."

A blue alien flew out of the pit. Blue alien, huh. So you don't even know which alien that would be?

World's biggest Ben 10 fan, everybody. Let's have a round of sarcastic applause.

Ben jumped down and regurgitated the events of Voided to Helen. She was too stupid to know their exact details though she was taking place in them.

"DID D'VOID FALL IN A TOILET?" Manny snapped. Actual line. "This dialogue makes me want to kill myself." Manny put one of his guns to his head and held it there for a long moment.

Null Guardians started flying out of the doorway to that room even though they were all long gone by the time the drill was frozen and that scene came before the freezing.

"That's not the citadel, LEARN WHAT WORDS MEAN BEFORE YOU USE THEM ON A REGULAR BASIS," Manny shouted.

"I was wasting time putting my cherished hideously annoying Mary Sue baby into her special crib that I have for her in my super secret room in my citadel in the Null Void."

"I want to know everything about your Mary Sue, D'Void. Because if I don't ask, no one else in their right mind would," Helen said as she smiled.

Everyone else groaned and plugged their ears in self-defense.

D'Void took a deep breath. "Her parents were senselessly murdered by evil ghetto thugs and she was crying hysterically and then I was crying hysterically and I had the urge to adopt her and obsess over her because the author insert demands it and now we have well over 300 stories like this, exactly like the Secret Saturdays fandom, but with Mary Sues instead of yaoi bullshit, it's het now and I always make out with her because she's a secret but hilariously obvious way for the author to ship herself with me without making an explicitly human Mary Sue which makes it even more disgusting," he said before panting heavily. "You'd better thank your lucky stars le author didn't find anyone attractive enough to sincerely ship my ass with, or you'd be gouging out your eyes. Their kawaii uguu yaoi rape bullshit was fifty billion times worse than this shit."

"I ain't askin' these stupid questions about the stupid fuckin' Mary Sue. NO ONE FUCKING CARES!" Manny raised his guns into the air and waved them. "Get me to the end of this fic!"

"I love my baby and my baby loves meeeeeeeee," D'Void said as he put a finger to the side of his head and twisted it back and forth until it drew a bit of blood. "Is it drilled into you yet?" Speaking of drills, he finally noticed his drill-furnace had stopped and part of it was broken. "My drill! You assholes broke it!" He ran down the stairs and tripped and fell. For some reason le author thinks D'Void being rendered powerless once again by the loss of burning kormite means he can't function any longer.

Rebels stared firing into the room, presumably breaking all his expensive stuff inside. Because...that ain't gonna collapse the citadel.

"No, my important secret shit!" D'Void started bawling. He turned when he heard his shrieking screaming sobbing Sue. "My Mary Sue was in there! Shrill, shrill! Emphasis on shrillness! But why?" We all know why. That's the only form of communication le author knows. That and crying hysterically for attention.

"I'LL GET IT," Helen screamed. She vanished in a blur and fetched the baby because she was so worried about it. "It's almost like I have no choice but to be obsessed with this thing due to my ovaries. I have no other purpose as a character in this demented fictional universe!" She grinned maniacally, her right eye twitching.

She found the screaming sack of ear rape flailing in its stupid crib in the nursery room that D'Void had in his posh mansion in his citadel in the Null Void.

"Cuddly baby! I'm a slave to your will!" Helen grabbed the Sue and made a break for it before the room collapsed.

D'Void shot tears out of his eyes while he imagined tiny specifically Christian grave markers for his stupid Sue. He became weak in the knees at the orgasm it gave him. "Oh, my stars and garters!" he gasped. "Preconceived death boner!"

Screamy-Sobby roared, prying her fat lumpy form out of Helen's death grip. She slammed into his arms and sobbed hysterically.

"DADDY LOVES YOU, BABY," D'Void sobbed. He gagged on some rising bile, but choked it back. "I mean every word and none of this is being forced out of my mouth via self-insertion by a horrible author who only knew of my existence because someone else told her about me in the year 2013. If only she hadn't mentioned my hair color or length. Somewhere in the anti-matter limbo, V.V. Argost is laughing at me, I just know it."

Sobby-Boo began tongue slapping his face to lick up the delicious melodramatically emotional male pain tears. Slurp, slurp. So good.

Manny pointed to D'Void. "Time for prison rape!"

Screamy-Sobby shrieked after a nameless rebel grabbed D'Void and handcuffed him.

"Stay strong, Sobby-Boo! I'll come back in a new story and do stupid weeaboo uguu OOC painfully obvious author's Mary Sue worshiping male humiliation emotional vulnerability underwear fetishy shit with you until we both die or are sent to prison. Over and over and over again," said D'Void. "FOREVER! Or more realistically until le author gets bored of being ignored by the masses or confronted with her various obvious hypocrisies and leaves to go fetishize a new old dude with white hair of a certain length. Probably by writing the exact same stories they've written for both The Secret Saturdays and Ben 10 that simply are the same stories with character names swapped out. Just like they ALWAYS do! Pretty noticeable pattern, huh. No coincidences. I'm taking bets now."

Screamy-Boo roared. She sank her teeth into the rebel's leg, tearing it off. They screamed and collapsed.

"That's muh gurl," D'Void cheered. "Taught her everything she knows." He started sobbing again. "Except the hysterical sobbing and underwear humiliation fetish. She taught me that. Also bondage and male submissive-humiliation-torture fetish." He bit his lip and moaned. "NNNG! Humiliation boner! Being perceived as weak and emotionally hysterical like a woman biologically is makes me all stiff in the sinful naughty bit region!" He fell down and trembled.

Helen scooped up the Mary Sue, her ovaries shooting obsessive mommy hormones across her entire body. "I'll be your new mommy! Baby! Helen needs a baby!" Her biological clock had gone off. Nothing could get between her and the new baby. She began laughing hysterically. "BABY! BABY, BABY, BABY!"

Everyone else backed away, terrified.

The cycle repeats.

The End


	48. Emotionally Broken Men

Emotionally Broken Men Are My Kink  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
Somebody had a rocky past relationship, methinks.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. I couldn't fix them IRL, so I'll fix them in fiction. That'll show 'em. Pigs.

"I'll be back later, my delightful little turdling," said D'Void to his obnoxious perpetually sobbing Mary Sue. "Stay here and try to look cute and vulnerable because you aren't tough enough to fight my enemies for me. You're completely useless to me, but I love you anyhow. I'm forced to."

He skipped outside and encountered Helen and Manny. "Ah the Helpers. Oh, no wait, you're just the rebels now."

Helen shot at him but he grabbed her by the leg, grinning, and swung her around like a rag doll while she screamed.

"Someone...heeeeeeeeeeeeeelp!" Helen wailed.

Manny ran over to Screamy-Sobby who had defied D'Void's control in order to serve the plot. He began punching her ugly face-mouth while she screamed.

"Nooo! I am now defeated emotionally," D'Void said before he collapsed to his knees and started sobbing hysterically. "One hundred more stories like this should cement the suspicion that the author had a bad breakup they can't get over and are continuously projecting onto various fiction characters from several different fandoms over and over in order to reach some sort of catharsis. Or masturbate to, I don't know. Either way, it's creepy."

The End


	49. Conjugal Visit

Conjugal Visit  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
D'Void's going to get one. Whether he wants it or not.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. It doesn't even involve perverse and bloody sexual situations, but that doesn't stop it from being any less disgusting.

The blue vagina...er, sorry, my Insane Weeaboo Standards and Practices memo states 'feminine orifice' is what we're calling it these days...known as Helen Wheels burst into a furious fit of ovarian rage when she caught the scent of crying Mary Sue baby. She rushed over and picked up the hysterically sobbing heap of shameless author insert and cuddled it.

"Poor Screamy-Sobb Boo-Boo! You almost died in that last story before I saved you and took possession of you for my own," she said tearfully. "Your father, D'Void, who doesn't show you special treatment like a regular Mary Sue because you're a dumb animal and not a human or humanoid girl so this makes it entirely different even though you and him make out with each other all the time, ha, suck it haters, was really distraught over your absence. He was crying so hard, it looked like he was laughing." Helen paused for a long moment and seemed thoughtful, shockingly. "I know! We'll go visit D'Void in prison."

Scream-Sobby roared and slammed into Helen's arms, knocking her down and into a wall. When she came to, she picked up Screamy-Sobby's huge bulk and lugged it to a random prison in the Null Void.

"Wow, you're a lot heavier than I expected," Helen groaned as she struggled to drag her wheel feet across the ground beneath the crushing burden of motherhood.

Screamy-Sobby shrieked with offense.

"Yes, yes, it's because women are biologically weaker than men. Even alien species. Sorry, so sorry! You're not fat! I didn't mean it that way," Helen said. "As a female, 99% of my life is made up of apologizing for my actions!"

Helen made it to the prison and located D'Void, who was chained up. He looked up and saw his visitors. His reaction was an instantaneous scream.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? WITH THAT...THING!" He cowered in the corner. "Get it away from me! I just got over its control! It has to be a seven hundred thousand foot radius away from me for me to be free of its-"

Scream-Sobby roared viciously and flew at D'Void. She wrenched her head-mouth between the bars, snapping and snarling. D'Void screamed before he sank into a dull, placid expression. He came up to the bars to touch tentacles with his sweet little baby monster waifu. The creature smiled wickedly as it asserted its domination over all characters in this devious fic based universe.

"Gooood daddy," Helen babbled. "Good baby!"

She collapsed and began to convulse. Screamy had bitten a chunk out of the back of her head.

"Daddy loves you, baby," D'Void cooed before he and his Sue made out again, to the horror of everyone still lurking around. Enjoy your hysterical blindness.

The End


	50. D'Void Doesn't Like Animals

D'Void Doesn't Like Animals  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
How many times does this need repeating.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. Ignoring canon to further my obvious torture-humiliation fetish.

D'Void lost his power of roid rage post-Voided and collapsed to the ground because losing all power means he's too weak to stand on his own two legs, though that wasn't the case in the canon. Boy, I love claiming how well versed on Ben 10 canon I am while constantly contradicting that boast almost immediately with everything I put in a public space in the desperate hopes someone will read it and praise my artistic genius. That I don't have, cough. Dunning-Kruger is a bitch, ain't it.

"Time for an ass kicking, D'Void. You've had this coming for a long time," Manny said as he threw D'Void over his shoulder like a very weak and submissive sack of potatoes and carried him to a citadel. A citadel? Another citadel? I'm going to go out on a limb and assume the original author thinks a citadel is a house or room of some sort. Oh, it's D'Void's citadel. Then why did we say a citadel a couple sentences ago? Why not the citadel or D'Void's citadel. "NO ONE CARES ABOUT THE CITADEL!" Manny yelled. Okay, jeez.

Manny wanted to get to the disgustingly funny part of the story.

Helen was concerned when she read the original script. "Manny, I think D'Void should be in prison. He's going to get ridden enough as it is."

One specifically detailed hour later, Manny was wearing a cowboy hat and twirling his guns while riding D'Void around the room.

"YEE HAW! This isn't fucked up at all. Nope. Someone actually put this in public for everyone to read. And several people to make parodies of." He smacked his legs on D'Void's sides, encouraging him to go faster even though he could barely move because Manny is big compared to his canonically 6'5'' self. Manny tugged the reins he had attached to a bit D'Void had in his mouth. "Giddy-yap!"

"You're breaking my back," D'Void groaned through the drool covered bit in his mouth. He whimpered and collapsed. "Ow."

"I said," Manny grunted as he picked up a riding crop and smacked his naughty steed on the ass with it a few times. D'Void was wearing only boxer shorts and a fake horse tail pinned to them. D'Void squealed in pain. "Giddy-YUP!"

"Manny would never fucking do this. I hate his guts, and I'm still aware of his proper characterization," D'Void sobbed. "Why does that demented asshole keep writing about me? Someone, help me! Anyone! I just want to be in a decent fanfiction again!"

"Hey, at least I didn't nail actual horseshoes to your hands and feet. What a sick fuck. How did we even get actual horseshoes in the NULL VOID?" Manny said before shrugging both sets of shoulders. "Anyway. I thought you LIKED ANIMALS, D'Void. So...that means you'd love to be ridden around like a horse, according to le author original. The fuck kinda logic is that?!"

"There is no logic," D'Void whined. "Please get off me."

"I think it was supposed to be an insult, but I'm not sure," Helen said. "I can't tell with that person."

"Whatever. Insane Troll Logic with typical batshit weeb sick fuckery aside, this is sadly the most fun I've had in one of these stories," Manny said as he bashed his butt on D'Void's back. "Move it, loser. I need a ride to the Null Void 7-Eleven."

D'Void groaned and crawled slowly across the ground. "I regret everything," he muttered.

"You better," said Manny. He took off his hat and waved it. "Yippie ki-yay, mofos!"

Helen covered her eyes in disgust. So did everyone else who'd read the original fic. Or the parody because it's still highly unpleasant.

The End


	51. My Creepy Underwear Fetish

To Announce My Creepy Underwear Fetish  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
The only reason this fic exists.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. Lets break it down, shall we?

D'Void stumbled into the special kawaii nursery he had for his special adorable Null Guardian adopted baby daughter Null Guardian Mary fucking snowflake Sue in the Null Void one unspecified time because he was obsessed with her and checked her special amazing baby crib her had for her also in the Null Void because she's just so special. FUCKING OBVIOUS HISTRIONIC AUTHOR INSERT. Write what you know. He saw her missing and tweaked the fuck out.

"OH MY GOD, MY BABY!" he screamed with his hands to his head. "MAH BABY!"

He panicked and ran around in circles while sobbing hysterically for exactly one hour.

"SCREAMY-SOBBY! WHERE ARE YOU?"

He ran to his posh bedroom which he had in his citadel in the Null Void. He even had a dresser in there with a specific drawer dedicated to underwear. Wait for it. We'll break this down further in a moment. He opened and, gosh, wouldn't you know, there was his sweet little baby Null Guardian Mary Sue napping on his undies. Because baby Null Guardians would be that tiny. Right.

Inhaaaaaaaaale deeply.

So let's see here.

This story existed for the sole purpose of reinforcing underwear fetishism. That is it.

The original author very clearly has some fucked up underwear fetish that they've been putting into various fictional universes since 2009 and most likely before that since their creepy adult fic craziness goes back all the way to 2006. If you've ever read anything by this author, and I feel sorry for you if you did, it's painfully obvious. Someone I converse with took several dozens of their past stories and key word searched underwear, boxers, whatever. Also Chinese food. And it came up in the hundreds. Repeat: THE HUNDREDS. Specifically LIGHT BLUE or plain BLUE BOXER SHORTS. But not limited to that single color.

Again, entire reason this fic exists. It's too short and too stupid to be worthy of posting on this website. It could have been posted in a journal or somewhere private for masturbating to. And yet it was posted in public.

Why? To lazily boost fic count, perhaps. But mostly to announce how much le author is turned on by underwear. Boxer shorts. And usually old grizzled men crying buckets in them or blushing because, eek, man in underwear is so darn embarrassing. It is exhibitionism, plain and simple. Part of this particular fetish might actually be forcing others to endure it against their will.

Breaking this story down further:

Boxer shorts. An entire drawer full of them. This is something D'Void could have easy access to in the Null Void.

And furniture. Entire sets worth of bedroom, living room, and kitchen furnishings. Full luxury sets. Digital clocks. Chocolate cakes. Cookies. Cookie jars. Picnic baskets. In the Null Void. In his citadel. And clothing. Specifically underwear. Boxer shorts. In canon, he didn't even wear his shirt anymore. He had pants and a tattered cape. Boots and gloves. Where did he get all these boxer shorts from? Did he steal them from other inhabitants of the Null Void? That's disturbing as it is, but what the fuck. Explain, please.

Yeah, right. We know where got them from. Le author's asshole. Same place D'Void gets everything from.

World's biggest Ben 10 fan, folks.

D'Void plucked his sleeping turd from the drawer which she wouldn't have fit in the way she's parodied because she'd be the size of a baby elephant for realism. He carried her to the bathroom while she screamed and whined.

"Hey, if you can do all this other cutesy bullshit in your stupid ass nursery, then you can also take a bath. You smell like rotted eggs and roadkill," D'Void said.

He pushed her through the door as she sobbed hysterically and gripped the door frame with her many tentacles.

"GET IN THERE!"

He struggled until he pushed her through and they both fell in the bathtub. It was already full of soapy bubble bath water for convenience. Screamy-Sobby scream-shrieked and flew in the air above D'Void so she didn't get wet. She grabbed some shampoo and poured it on his head and then placed a rubber ducky in the water with him while laughing. Null Guardians can do that.

Behold, I took your miserable 6 sentence personal masturbation fetish fic and made it into an actual comedy instead of an unintentional one.

The End


	52. More Than You Give Him Credit For

More Than You Give Him Credit For  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
You know nothing of his proper characterization and only use him as a tool to further your obnoxious self-gratification.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim.

One sad and tragically repetitive time in the Null Void, big mean old thug, Manny, shot his nasty laser direct at the original author's perpetually shrieking infernal self-insert Mary Sue baby. It blasted her out of the sky and right into the sexy muscular arms of her dearest daddy dom, D'Void. He burst into a torrential stream of hysterical tears, as per the author's freaky old man hyper emotional sobbing fetish she's put onto every long haired male character no matter the franchise, long as he's somewhat unpopular.

Grandpa Max AKA The Wrench showed up in the story to tell him she'd live. That's his only reason for being in the story, I shit you not. It was around 6 sentences long. And it didn't make any fucking sense. Not that it was intended to from a sane perspective.

"D'Void, you need therapy," Max said.

"You need to shut up and baby my baby baby, you assface!" D'Void sobbed hysterically as he clutched his vile author self-insert. "Maybe when baby will baby your baby, then you'd baby baby! You're not a parent! UGUUUUUWAAAAH!" His eyes went crossed.

Max punched him in the face and knocked him out. He stared at the shrieking Mary Sue monstrosity. "You're an insult to the episode Voided. You are completely unnecessary. You do absolutely nothing to either expand upon or contribute to the plot of any story you've ever been in. You exist only to warp everyone involved in this fictional universe OOC and make D'Void lose his shit for no real reason! My grandson can't even get involved and fix the plot thanks to you because he keeps getting thrown back out by your obnoxious Mary Sue barrier. You're hurting more innocent people than D'Void ever will, and for disgustingly pettier reasons. Shame on you."

In the face of Max Tennyson's awesomeness along with logic and reason so undeniable, the ugly Mary Sue baby hung its face-mouth in shame and vanished into nothingness.

Max rubbed his fist. "Still got it."

The End


	53. Humiliation Fetish

Humiliation Fetish  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
It's my specialty.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim. At least le author's finally being honest about their masturbation material disguised as Ben 10 "canon" that's so much better than what everyone else around them puts out. It's all freaky self-insert OC shit with Ben 10 character's names interchanged. Wish we'd known this back in 2010 so the offense could have been that much stronger. We just assumed they were an actual troll deliberately trying to piss people off by saying this dreck was CANON.

D'Void battled his worst nemesis of all, Helen and Manny, in the Null Void one day presumably before the events of the episode Voided.

"I WON'T LET YOU HURT MY DEAR ADOPTED NULL GUARDIAN MARY SUE BABY," he announced loudly for everyone in the vicinity to hear, same as the ten thousand times he'd done it before. "Well, people don't listen or care. I have to keep reinforcing this as truth, like Creationism. Otherwise nobody will believe me that it's the undeniable GOSPEL TRUTH! Because I say it is."

How could things get any worse? Like we don't already know.

"Oh no," Manny said loudly, pointing. "Look over there. It is D'Void's stupid Null Guardian baby Mary Sue who he loves so much in a psychotically obsessive way because it's an author self-insert and he can't help himself. Look at her over there. Look at what she is doing. Oh, the scandal!" He started laughing.

Helen gasped and blushed. "Oh my goodness! How embarrassing! I say, I say, HOW EMBARRASSING. It shames my delicate feminine sensibilities. Also I laugh at the misfortune because the plot demands. Make up your mind with female characters already." She giggled.

D'Void's ugly slobbering special little snowflake author insert Mary Sue baby plot convenient fetish fuel had his blue boxer shorts on her face-mouth-head. How erotically embarrassing. Cue the doe eyes and fingertip chewing.

D'Void gasped. He began to blush and cry. "Oh, gasp and sob! How embarrassing for me, a psychotic evil man with deep antisocial personality traits running around bearing my muscles to the world while trying to set up a dictatorship so I can break out of this pocket dimension and conquer Earth. Goodness, gracious me. My undies were comically exposed on the head of an annoyingly shallow plot device author insert baby Null Guardian I'm forced to be obsessed with. And my enemies broke character to laugh at me for it. That is what they would do in such a dangerous situation. Such shame I feel! Such humiliation. Ooooh, the torturous burn of it all. It's making me chub a little," D'Void wailed as he collapsed on his knees and covered his sinful crotch area. "I am once again emotionally destroyed with distraught notions, shame and tears, boo hoo. This is totally not a 34 year old live at home virgin female author with an evident fuckload of mental and sexual issues placed in a public space over the course of nearly 6 years screaming through my mouth and written behavior. This is all me. This is all canon. It's obvious. If it's not, then you don't watch Ben 10 and you're a hypocrite. And also a troll. And you're dumb. And you couldn't write yourself out of a paper bag. You plebes!"

He fell down and rolled to his side, sobbing hysterically with a hand covering his reddened face.

Screamy-Sobby Boo-Boo threw the underwear into the air and blasted a hole through it with her mouth beam before she ate the underwear as it landed in her drool covered jaws. She grunted and turned it into a pile of ripe stink seconds later.

"Humiliation fetish," Manny and Helen cheered as they threw dick and butt shaped pink and peach confetti into the air.

The original fic was 6 sentences long. 6 sentences. Seems to be a recurrent theme here.

The End


	54. Enjoy My Mary Sue

You Will Enjoy My Mary Sue  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
I'm going to keep flooding the fanfic section until you do!

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim.

Helen and Manny were standing in front of D'Voids magnificent million dollar citadel mansion home in the Null Void one fine day. Also in the Null Void. The original author does not understand the citadel is the wall surrounding the drill to protect it from trespassers. Who seem to keep on getting in somehow anyway without Ben's help regardless of its existence. So why did they bother to call him? We might never know in this horrendous fictional headcanon space.

"I wonder if we should run blindly into D'Void's super cool house," Helen wondered aloud. "I really like his kitchen and the nursery is cute."

"D'Void probably is sleeping in his big ass queen sized bed because that's something he would do, being invulnerable and looking like he barely sleeps in most other episode canon anyhow, so we can be sure he's getting 8 full hours of sleep here in this scenario. Nobody here understands what the word INVULNERABLE means. IT MEANS HE CAN'T BE HURT! IT ALSO MEANS HE REALLY WOULDN'T NEED TO EAT OR SLEEP! YOU ASSHOLE!"

"We should keep saying everything instead of doing it because writing stories is stupid and also hard," said Helen. "But we don't have a lot of other hobbies."

"Blah blah, stupid dialogue Manny Armstrong would never say," said Manny while folding both sets of arms. "Enslave almost everyone in the Null Void. Repeating the plot from Voided because this author can't come up with original ideas to save their own life!"

"It's filler dialogue so the supposed story can be stretched out as far as possible," Helen said. "Even though it has no purpose because no one will read it as it is anyhow." She beckoned to Manny. "C'mon, Manny. Let's go see if D'Void has leftover chocolate cake in his citadel!"

D'Void appeared with his Null Guardian army just then. "I thought I heard somebody loudly barfing up exposition. Figures it's you two idiots."

"Would you like to engage in polite back and forth conversation?" Helen inquired.

"NO. I don't approve of needless padding fodder stuck in for the sole purpose of stretching the fic length," said D'Void as he snapped his fingers. "I want to get out of here as soon as possible. And I don't mean the Null Void. I mean the fanfic!"

Helen stupidly ran up to D'Void and then stopped so he could step on her tail and hold her in place.

"Wow, you're sure running on all cylinders, aren't you," he gloated.

"It's my inferior female brain," Helen whimpered. "I can't help my poor decisions. I have a compulsive need to make them!"

"You should have waited for Ben Tennyson to show up," said D'Void. "Now you're going to the convenient rape-torture dungeon that this sadistic weeaboo author always brings along, no matter what the fandom is. I have inherited it from V.V. Argost. Luckily, I won't be the one getting viciously raped and tortured in it like he was. At least I hope."

Oh, you lucky lucky man. You get to be straight because she can't find a suitable kawaii yaoi seme piece of ass to ship Animo with. Unfortunately she thought it was a good idea to ship you with a baby Null Guardian. Have fun making out with those nasty malodorous fish lips.

The Null Guardians grabbed and threw Helen and Manny in a cell in the dungeon that he had in his citadel in the Null Void.

"Please tell me you're not going to rape and torture us," Helen squeaked with tears in her eyes. "I'm serious! I want to know now so I can request a leave from this story."

"Yeah, me too," said Manny, rattling the cell bars. "I didn't sign up for this bullshit!"

D'Void skipped over his padding dialogue so he could focus on rubbing his Null Guardian's nasty bellies. Because they're dogs. Big alien dogs. Right. Unless they're also human babies. It switches back and forth to suit the author's disturbing needs. Sweet buttery Jesus, enough.

"It's cuuuuuuuuuute," D'Void gloated as he rubbed his bubbies' tummies. "I wuv my petsssssssssssss! I'm not controlling them by force because they're incredibly dim-witted beasts and I've got superpowers that increase my control over animals. Which I never had in canon, by the way. They love me and obey everything I say because we're best friends and love each other dearly. Everything is propaganda made by evil trolls who don't watch Ben 10."

Helen and Manny cringed and groaned.

There came the infernal screaming sobs of the stupid obnoxious baby Mary Sue D'Void was blessed with. His attention was immediately drawn back to BABY MODE.

Screamy-Sobby came blasting into the plot, causing everyone to clench their assholes tightly.

"Oh! I never saw a real live Mary Sue before," Helen said. Her ovaries lit on fire. "I wish I had one!"

"Trust me, woman. No you don't," said D'Void. "There, there, Screamy-Sobby Boo-Boo."

Helen checked the original script. "The Sue's non-parody name sounds exactly like yours, D'Void."

Manny laughed. "That's like one of the prime traits of Mary Sues. How generic!"

"SHE'S UNIQUE AND SHE'S NOT A MARY SUE, YOU BITCH!" D'Void screamed.

"Tell us the long-winded and painfully uninteresting tale of how you adopted your screaming Mary Sue, D'Void. Because we care so much," said Helen. "I'm not actually being sarcastic. Being a female in these stories makes me genuinely want to know everything about Mary Sues. It's compulsion. Females love Mary Sues! And rape! And forced birth fetish scenarios!"

"God, no! Please," Manny cried. "I can't take it!"

"Ha ha, ironic form of torture," said D'Void. Screamy-Sobby shot knives of pure ear rape into his ears by blasting more shrill sonic sobbing screams into them. D'Void cringed. "Yes, my dear beloved baby. I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention to you for 5 minutes out of the day. I have other things to do sometimes."

Screamy-Sobby shrieked louder.

"Christ, what a Mary Sue, fucking thing expects you to kiss its ass 24/7," Manny said.

"I love her! I hug her every day in her special baby crib that I have for her in my nursery in my citadel in the Null Void. She loves being in my arms!" D'Void asserted. "I am not being forced to say any of this by an oppressive self-insert author narrative!"

"Yeah right," muttered Manny.

"I'm going to look up some of the sick shit the original author had done to Argost in the rape-n-torture dungeon and do it to you," D'Void threatened. "Just wait, multi-arm boy. You'll be sorry. And so will your asshole."

Helen hugged manny. "Oh, Manny. I'm scared and fearful and concerned from everyone's well-being but my own. Don't worry. I'll take all the torture so you don't have to." She turned and chewed on her fingertip. "Especially the rape."

Screamy-Sobby came back in, barfing up acidic puddles everywhere.

"Hey, maybe this fugly thing can burn through the bars," Manny said as he reached through and grabbed the beast by the wing. It started shriek-sobbing hysterically.

"No, Manny! Don't harm a dear darling adorable perfect little baby!" Helen shrieked with raging ovarian fury.

"Helen, come back to your senses already!" Manny smacked the squirming Sue in order to get it to puke up more acid onto the bars.

Helen began to sob hysterically. "SCREAMY-SOBBY IS D'VOID'S LITTLE PRINCESS, MANNY!" She ran up to him and started weakly palm-slapping his back. "Let her go! Let her go! Don't hurt cute baby! YOU NO HURT SWEET BABY!"

"Oh, Helen! Stop! Ow! Your weak little palm slaps hurt more than I would expect." Distracted, Manny dropped Screamy-Sobby. "Damn!"

Screamy-Sobby scream-sobbed more hysterically before turning and growling at Manny. She then pretended to fall down and stuck out her stinking tongue. She screamed and sobbed louder.

"You little piece of shit," Manny snarled.

"My baby!" D'Void cried as he arrived on cue. He grabbed her and clutched her tightly to his muscular bare chest. "What did you do to her, you thugs?"

"People die if they are killed," Helen gasped as she thought about Manny getting dead in the torture dungeon. "Noooo! I can't be alone! I have Cluster B Personality Disorders up the wazoo! SOMEONE, PAY ATTENTION TO ME BEFORE I DISAPPEAR!"

"You too? Wow, it's like everyone this author has ever written suddenly develops those when previously in canon they indicated none. Funny that," said D'Void.

"Yeah, I know." Helen smiled. She then began to cry again. "Alone! I can't bear it! I need a man in my life. Or in lieu of that, a perpetually shrieking evil baby to fill the pitifully deep emptiness in my feminine soul."

"The story keeps on going and going, and there's not even anything funny happening yet to ridicule," said D'Void while sighing.

"Manny!" Helen shrieked until she sobbed as Manny was removed from the cell and taken to be tortured.

Screamy-Sobby burped at D'Void.

"What? But we were gonna rip him apart and stuff," he said, sounding disappointed. "I thought that's what you like?"

Screamy-Sobby screamed.

"Oh, fine! Make up your mind." He turned to the Null Guardians who had Manny's legs and arms in their mouths. "Let him go."

They threw Manny back in the prison cell. Helen jumped into his arms and hugged him.

D'Void walked out and came back dragging the crib with him. He turned it over and put it on top of Screamy-Sobby. "Now you are in the prison! HA HA!"

Screamy-Sobby screamed and sobbed.

"Christ, that fic is fucking stupid," Manny groaned. He banged his head against the bars to soothe the pain.

Helen smiled dully. "Somebody wrote this with the intention that it was a good story somebody would want to read," said Helen. "I know I would! But that's because I have ovaries."

"Daddy's princess! In the same breath, watch me assert this obnoxious creature who's sole existence is to serve the original author's whims and fuck canon right in its quivering unlubed asshole is not a Mary Sue obvious author insert and everyone else in the Ben 10 fandom sucks at writing because they are Suethers and hypocrites who hate canon," said D'Void while smirking confidently.

The Null Void exploded, freeing everyone from their eternal hell.

The End


	55. Babysitter's Club

Babysitter's Club  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
Submit to the oppressive power of baby, you females.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim.

Helen woke up from being slammed in the back during a nondescript battle in the Null Void to see D'Void clutching his evil Mary Sue baby, Screamy-Sobby. She sat up only to discover she was chained to the floor in the nursery next to a crib.

"You, blue vagina," D'Void said while pointing at her. "You will babysit my adorably evil author insert Mary Sue baby so I can get some fresh air and look for Ben Tennyson and The Wrench. You are inherently nurturing due to your inferior ovaries. Unlike me, a male, with testicles. All this baby crazy shit is a wacko 34 year old female author insert being projected through me and boy does it show. Thank goodness there wasn't anyone else to ship me with, or we'd be seeing me blush and sob hysterically while I violently took sperm up the ass with no lube in order to get pregnant."

Helen's expression became one of shock, mild arousal, fear, and curiosity. "B-but...men can't get pregnant!"

"You tell that to the weeaboo yaoi fanbrats!" D'Void shook his fist into the air "Anyhow. My author insert Mary Sue is too good to hang with the other generic Null Guardians. So you'll have to watch her and submit to her every whim. She's incredibly petty and demanding, so have fun." He left.

Helen hugged Screamy-Sobby Boo-Boo as she started scream-sobbing hysterically.

"I can do this. I have ovaries! Taking care of babies should come naturally to me," Helen said. "Any second now." She started rocking the disgusting turd. "Are you hungry? Thirsty? Sleepy? What?!" She grabbed a stuffed toy and waved it in Screamy's face. Screamy shot it out of her hand with a mouth beam and it turned into smoking puffs. She continued to shriek. "Oh! This is so much harder than the media made it look!"

Hours later, D'Void came back to check up on things. He didn't really do battle with anyone. He wanted to go get a milkshake from the local McVoid Burger. He sucked on the straw as he looked at Helen, who was positively haggard looking and exhausted.

"It...won't...stop...crying...and shitting...and puking," Helen groaned in pain.

"Yes, that's what babies do," D'Void said. "No one tells you that because then women wouldn't be so up for having them. They're also insanely expensive. Why do you think men don't want them half the time?" He tossed his empty milkshake cup into the nearby garbage can. He's big on keeping things clean. "Speaking of which, I hope you enjoyed your time with the baby. You're going to be looking after her from now on. Sucker! I'm off to Mexico once I break through the Null Void. Don't expect any child support. I have no money! I wouldn't pay if I did anyway! Bwahaha!"

Helen screamed and sobbed hysterically with her new baby.

The End


	56. Insane Troll Logic

Insane Troll Logic  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
But I'm calling it canon and saying it's 100x better than anything else anyone who's actually watched more than 1 episode of this show can do.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim.

Ben woke up with a start to a large rock crashing through his bedroom window. "What the heck?" He threw off the covers and inched with caution toward the window, gasping when who should he see outside on the front lawn calling him out but his dear old annoying enemy, Doctor Animo. "Doctor Animo!"

"Tennyson, get out here so I can kick your ass," he yelled up at the window after seeing Ben's head peeking from the corner.

Hilariously, in the original story Ben just went back to bed. I'm not kidding.

No, it gets worse. Or should I say, better.

Ben happened to hear the voice of Sublimino, the angry little minor character hypnotist from Midnight Madness yelling while walking down the street. And this...not Doctor Animo challenging him to a duel...was the thing that got him out of bed.

"Oh snap, it's Sublimino, my favorite bad comb over having minor villain of all time! I'll check this out." Ben jumped out of bed and got dressed, quickly running downstairs and out the door.

He started running down the street until he noticed Doctor Animo had set up an ambush in another yard. He ducked into the bushes. Sublimino lowered his cell phone and yelled at Animo to move his mutated ferret that was blocking the sidewalk.

"Hey, there are leash laws, you know," Sublimino said at a volume 12 times louder than the normal human standard.

"Shut up, you miserable little cretin." Doctor Animo rested his chin in his palm. He glanced at his watch. "I'm busy waiting for Ben Tennyson to come out of his house. The original contents of this story during this part were too stupid for me to participate in and I refused."

But we'll do a version of it for the parody because it's really too stupid to pass up.

Sublimino made a face at his occasional frienemy and kept walking, trying to step over the ferret's tail along the way. Of course since his characterization is so exaggeratedly clumsy, he tripped over the tail and fell on his face. The ferret squealed in pain as it now had an owie.

"You idiot!" Doctor Animo yelled as he ran to cuddle his poor injured ferret. "Now that you've hurt my beloved pet, you'd better help me fix him up."

"Kiss my ass," Sublimino yelled. "It's your fault for having this stinking behemoth in the middle of the sidewalk!"

Doctor Animo shook his fist at the evil midget. "You could have walked around him, you know."

"Oh, WHATEVER!" Sublimino yelled even louder as he threw up his hands. "Just get this over with so I can get out of here. I don't even know how I got back to Bellwood. This place is like the Bermuda Triangle of fanfiction."

Sublimino grabbed the ferret and tried to hold its tail while Doctor Animo used his deep knowledge of veterinary medicine that he originally lost his license to practice by committing various unethical atrocities toward animals to patch up his beloved mutant pet's ouchie.

"Why are you here anyway?" asked Doctor Animo.

"No idea," Sublimino said. He pulled down his shades for a moment and stared at the fourth wall. "It's almost as if I were written into a terrible story for the sake of spewing forth nonsensical idiocy at every available opportunity while claiming it's better than everyone else's just because it's spelled properly."

"Indeed, quite audacious," Doctor Animo said, nodding.

"What are you doing here," Sublimino countered.

"I just told you, moron! I'm trying to kill Ben Tennyson."

"Oh, yeah. Well, long as I'm not doing anything important...want to pair up?"

Doctor Animo grimaced as he shook his head. "Hell no! You're not my type. I like them tall and muscular, not the size of a toddler and twice as loud."

Sublimino pulled his own hair in frustration. "I DIDN'T MEANT SMUT PAIRING, I MEAN PAIR UP TO KILL BEN TENNYSON!"

They turned upon hearing a loud fart coming from the nearby bush.

"Oh man. I knew I shouldn't have those old leftover chili fries that were sitting on my dresser before bed last night," Ben groaned.

"It's Ben Tennyson! Finally!" Doctor Animo jumped on his ferret. "GET HIM!"

"Oh no! I should totally run away instead of go hero and start kicking ass because that's what I usually do in canon," Ben said as he sprinted away. "Man, this author has everyone's canon characterization down pat! They could have been a writer for the show. HURR HURR! Sarcasm."

Ben ran down the street for about 27 feet before he slowed and almost threw up.

"Why did I start running hard after I was having stomach problems? That was really stupid," he groaned. He rested his hands on his knees and panted heavily for several minutes.

"Now you're going to die, Tennyson," Doctor Animo's voice came from behind him.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ben yelled.

"Wait, I want to kill him," Sublimino yelled as he grabbed Doctor Animo's arm. He struggled with him atop the ferret.

"No, he was my enemy first, you little shit!" Doctor Animo grunted. He shoved Sublimino's hands away.

They started slap-fighting until they both fell off the ferret with a yelp.

"OW! Now look what you did, you pathetic fool!"

"Screw you, I only have two appearances in the canon, one didn't have any dialogue, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let you hog this one I have in a fanfiction!"

They continued to fight each other, rather poorly. They weren't well trained in street brawling and had very little muscle tone and stature to back it up anyway.

Ben started to feel better as he watched the moronic scene go on.

"Man, this story sucks. I'm going back to bed," he said after a few minutes, then walked away.

The End


	57. This Story Was Necessary

This Story Was Necessary  
By: I'm Not Wearing Any Pants  
It had a function other than my constant vicarious self-flagellation through copyrighted fictional characters glorifying and mourning my terrible self-insert Mary Sue.

I don't own any Ben 10 characters, nor do I claim.

D'Void was near his citadel one day in the Null Void, staring at his Null Guardians. He looked at two of them who were obviously a heterosexual couple in deep love and had done the diggy do before. He licked his lips thinking about it. The female, who you could tell was female because she was wearing a pink bow on her head and had lipstick on her nasty fish lips, flew over and presented tummy for rubs.

"Tummy rubs!" D'Void squealed with delight as he began to do exactly that. Jesus fucking Christ, we can't get enough of this shit. "It's CUTE!" he shrieked while grinning psychotically.

He gasped when a random laser, fired from somewhere that isn't important enough to be written in the story because this story is fetid ass incarnate, hit the poor Null Guardian and killed it tragically. He hugged the stinking beast's corpse while sobbing hysterically.

"Nooooooo, she would have given birth to a new Mary Sue," he sobbed. "She was preggers!"

"Now that's what you call an abortion with style, bitch," Manny yelled as he twirled a gun in his fingers. He wasn't in the original story, but it seemed quite fitting. "BOOYAH!"

The End


End file.
